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8 year old acts like he's 2-3 and he's a slowpoke too
My son is a pretty sweet kid generally. Unfortunately we have a couple of major issues with him... [I'm only going to list two here for now.]
He is a slowpoke! Example - getting ready in the morning. He wakes up at 6 for an 8:15 bus. He is so slow with the eating that we had to eliminate food and give him Carnation Instant Breakfast drink. We figured drinking instead of having to chew would help... We give him 30 minutes to drink about 8 oz. of liquid. There's an egg timer sitting in front of him to provide motivation. 80% of the time he doesn't beat the timer. Most times when he doesn't beat the timer he tries to manipulate it so he gets more time (pretty sneaky). Then he takes 40 minutes to get dressed, brush teeth, etc. and due to low muscle tone in his arms he can't do his own hair or at least not in a reasonable amount of time. We give him a break on the hair part but the other stuff is infuriating. Especially if you are on a schedule. I think part of the slowpoke problem is that his mind wanders and he forgets what he's doing. This is especially true with homework. He won't finish it unless you're sitting there with him. Sometimes he writes down the wrong answers just to rush through it but if you test him verbally he knows the material.
He is VERY immature. He throws temper tantrums if he doesn't get his way. Believe me he is well provided for. But the moment you say no to something he flips out. Due to a lot of the other things that go on he loses privileges so frequently he is nearly all the time grounded from something. I've given up on punishment I think, because it doesn't seem to motivate him to change his behavior. Another part of immaturity is his interactions with other kids. He has no clue how to pick up on other children's reactions. He prefers to be a goofball and he has no clue that some kids in his class are rolling their eyes, he thinks they are friends even though they make fun of him behind his back. Also he is small for his age so the other kids treat him like he is their little brother. (We observe him in class frequently and also he has an IEP so we've been working with the teachers constantly during the year.) My wife is having him evaluated to see if he has ADD or something else. I refuse to medicate him because I've seen it turn kids into zombies.
Are WE the problem? Do we expect too much? Help!
He is a slowpoke! Example - getting ready in the morning. He wakes up at 6 for an 8:15 bus. He is so slow with the eating that we had to eliminate food and give him Carnation Instant Breakfast drink. We figured drinking instead of having to chew would help... We give him 30 minutes to drink about 8 oz. of liquid. There's an egg timer sitting in front of him to provide motivation. 80% of the time he doesn't beat the timer. Most times when he doesn't beat the timer he tries to manipulate it so he gets more time (pretty sneaky). Then he takes 40 minutes to get dressed, brush teeth, etc. and due to low muscle tone in his arms he can't do his own hair or at least not in a reasonable amount of time. We give him a break on the hair part but the other stuff is infuriating. Especially if you are on a schedule. I think part of the slowpoke problem is that his mind wanders and he forgets what he's doing. This is especially true with homework. He won't finish it unless you're sitting there with him. Sometimes he writes down the wrong answers just to rush through it but if you test him verbally he knows the material.
He is VERY immature. He throws temper tantrums if he doesn't get his way. Believe me he is well provided for. But the moment you say no to something he flips out. Due to a lot of the other things that go on he loses privileges so frequently he is nearly all the time grounded from something. I've given up on punishment I think, because it doesn't seem to motivate him to change his behavior. Another part of immaturity is his interactions with other kids. He has no clue how to pick up on other children's reactions. He prefers to be a goofball and he has no clue that some kids in his class are rolling their eyes, he thinks they are friends even though they make fun of him behind his back. Also he is small for his age so the other kids treat him like he is their little brother. (We observe him in class frequently and also he has an IEP so we've been working with the teachers constantly during the year.) My wife is having him evaluated to see if he has ADD or something else. I refuse to medicate him because I've seen it turn kids into zombies.
Are WE the problem? Do we expect too much? Help!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Its too bad shredhead wrote us so long ago. If she had written now with those symptoms we would have suggested that she check out Sensory Integration Disorder found here - http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html
I don't know what your child's symptoms are - but it wouldn't hurt to check out the above mentioned site.
I don't know what your child's symptoms are - but it wouldn't hurt to check out the above mentioned site.
Hi, i am having the same problems with my 8 year old and i was wondering how things turned out with you and your family. Was he diagnosed with something or did you find methods that helped him? My son is extremely immature and seems to be getting worse and i am lost and would love your feedback.
Hi I have a 12 yr old girl who does the same EXACT things with other issues too. I have been taking her to a therapist/Psychologist since she was 8. She acts like she is 4 at times. She has NO friends and can keep no friends as she doesn't know how to act with them. I have the school involved (IEP) and frequently talk to everyone involved to try to figure her out. She is smart but doesn't use it. She is loving and warm at times then in the blink of an eye can flip out over something so little. It takes her forever to do anything like dressing, eating unless she wants something. She doesn't care if she is late for school. She doesn't care about her homework. If there is something she wants, she can amaze me. I have tried grounding her and stopped because it was only isolating her. We tried rewards , anything she wanted, but that onlyworks when SHE wants it to work. My husband and I laugh that she is putting us through H@!! now only to grow up and write a best seller on HOW I Manipulated my Parents.... It is frustrating.... I also have 4 yr old twins who are completely "Normal" and act older than my 12 yr old most of the time. I know there is something "Off" with my 12 yr old but Doctors and talking haven't helped yet. Meds haven't helped yet. (Tried them all)
I am an RN and have some Psych Experience. I have tried Therapy, being supportive to her, being strict with her, rewards, punishment ect....
It is not you. It sounds like you are trying! That is all you can do. Therapy, doctors maybe even behavioral therapy.. ( These haven't changed anything for mine but hopefully she is getting some base to build on in the future. ) I can't tell you how much time we devote to taking her places, involving ourselves with community and social events so she can just be involved. (And trust me we sacrifice so much time just to have her out and around other people and kids her age.) If you ever want to chat... Email me at ***@****
Just remember we can only do our best! Trish
I am an RN and have some Psych Experience. I have tried Therapy, being supportive to her, being strict with her, rewards, punishment ect....
It is not you. It sounds like you are trying! That is all you can do. Therapy, doctors maybe even behavioral therapy.. ( These haven't changed anything for mine but hopefully she is getting some base to build on in the future. ) I can't tell you how much time we devote to taking her places, involving ourselves with community and social events so she can just be involved. (And trust me we sacrifice so much time just to have her out and around other people and kids her age.) If you ever want to chat... Email me at ***@****
Just remember we can only do our best! Trish
1 Comments
I know its a dead post but I have been wondering if she grew out of it. I'm on the same boat.
What is his eligibility category under IEP?
As for accepting no - try the following - worked magic with my 4 year old
First he requests something - tell him no but offer equally preffered alternative
Once he accepts 8 out of 10 "no's" = move to the lesse preffered alternative. Repeat all steps until you are able to fade out alternative, you may not be able to due to his immaturity - but think about how some adults have problems accepting "no" if alternative is not offered:)
Ease up on punishment - if he is anything like my son - will make it worse. Only positive discipline, ignore the bad, and praise the good.
Do not react emotionally - try to be neutral when bad behavior is displayed.
And let him do stuff for himself - his issues may be about lack of control
As for accepting no - try the following - worked magic with my 4 year old
First he requests something - tell him no but offer equally preffered alternative
Once he accepts 8 out of 10 "no's" = move to the lesse preffered alternative. Repeat all steps until you are able to fade out alternative, you may not be able to due to his immaturity - but think about how some adults have problems accepting "no" if alternative is not offered:)
Ease up on punishment - if he is anything like my son - will make it worse. Only positive discipline, ignore the bad, and praise the good.
Do not react emotionally - try to be neutral when bad behavior is displayed.
And let him do stuff for himself - his issues may be about lack of control
It is good you are open to suggestions ..no betting he wont be ready when the bus comes , try the positive approach that he will be ready, I have another idea up my sleeve ,experts have noticed in studies that all children benefit from food supplementation , especially ones with concentration or learning difficulties benefit from a Multiple vitamin-mineral supplement with antioxidants B Complex and Vit C some parents also fine Fish oil useful, Is it a problem he sits and looks at the wall,?who does that offend .. children work well with choices instead of demands which inevitably get a NO.Accomodate him when you can .If he gets up at 6,Voluntarily? let him get his own breakfast ,you can leave the milk in a plastic jug for him to pour,or a yoghort and a banana show him where it is in the fridge and let him do it himself. Leave his hair brushing teeth cleaning to him, no timers. in fact less words in the mornings,, Good luck
the egg timer is only for eating. he can't reach the food or the dishes to get it himself, plus he would spill the milk everywhere.
Though there's more issues I didn't even post, I don't believe he has ADD either but we're checking it out, mostly my wife is pushing for this.
I'm trying not to be overbearing but he'll sit and stare at the wall unless he's prompted what to do.
That said, I'm willing to see what happens one day.. no timer, no nothing, and I'll bet $$ that he's not ready when the bus comes.
More feedback please... hey I'm the one that asked if I'm the problem so I'm willing to consider that might be the case.
Though there's more issues I didn't even post, I don't believe he has ADD either but we're checking it out, mostly my wife is pushing for this.
I'm trying not to be overbearing but he'll sit and stare at the wall unless he's prompted what to do.
That said, I'm willing to see what happens one day.. no timer, no nothing, and I'll bet $$ that he's not ready when the bus comes.
More feedback please... hey I'm the one that asked if I'm the problem so I'm willing to consider that might be the case.
Yes you are the problem, you asked, I think you need to let him control his time it takes for breakfast as he gets up at 6am there is a lot of time, does he get up at 6 because he wants to or is this on your instructions? How about as he is 8 you let him get himself some cereal and milk and not make such a punishment of breakfast.back off let him control his own actions.You time him on his cleaning of his teeth has he an egg timer for that?I dont believe ha has ADD cut him some slack .Focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him doing something right, as you said at end of the post,you can put it right, it is a matter of child /parent interaction,
2 Comments
He is not the problem he is doing everything right he is keeping him on a schedule and making him follow directions my son is ADD and ODD he has the exact same problems we have spent over 5 thousand dollars on doctors, therapists and counselors. They all say make a routine and make them stick to it. There is no medication that will help. Do not be hard on this couple who is struggling with there child being rude and negative. You dont know what we go through ever day and night with kids
WOW!! So nice to read this. I'm glad that this old post has helped! My son is now 13. Still working around his sensory issues but he is doing quite well. I'm around if you want to bounce any ideas around about your son!
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