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8 year old girl

I have to start off with WOW! I can truly say that all these stories are similar to mine. Things are defiantly out of control with my 8 year old girl. I’ll give some examples to begin with: First time going to daycare at the age of 4 she spit in the teachers face and kicked her in the leg, tares up her work and refuse to do it, loves being in control/boss; fighting constantly with students and little sister and big brother; lies all the time; steals from siblings and students from school; talks back; disrespectful to my self and teachers; gets bad notes everyday if not every other day and then states (always) the teacher is lying; has been sent to the principles office tons of times,  has already gotten (ISS) a in school suspension; very hateful and negative; refuses to do (anything) when being told to do it. She has been tested at the age of 7 for ADD and other behavior problems. Nothing! She goes counseling at school for the last 3 years, we went to out of school counseling for about 6 months, nothing! When attempting to discipline her she goes ballistic, runs around (Don’t beat me mom, your hurting me…screaming) before I even begin. She goes so wild before anything has happen that she makes her nose bleed. I have given up on spankings. We try taking away toys, TV, listening to the radio, going special places; we even tried taking everything out of her room for her to only have her bed for 3 months. She is a drama queen! When Christmas comes around she states that she doesn’t believe in Santa, this started when she was about 5. She tells my little one that it’s a lying old man dressed in a suit, I eat the cookies, I buy and wrap the presents and the letters from Santa (me) are written from me. I took her to Disney on Ice, the princess came out, (got very quit) she stood up and yelled at her and stated that she was a fake, it was all “fake” over and over. When attempting to quit her down, she of course screamed “mommy don’t pinch me, stop beating me” when I didn’t even do anything. She also tells me that if I touch her she will call the police and tell them that I beat her so that they can take me away. In the past I have had several arguments with my mother because my girl would go and tell her that I punched her back, pulled her hair and slapped her in the face, and I have/would never do that, Until my mother moved in with me 3 years ago she is now a victim of the constant lying that goes on. I feel that this can end up really bad on my end. It’s very rare that she has a good day. I don’t know if this behavior is because she is the middle child. I know that she wants attention but is getting the wrong kind (bad attention). But as they say “any attention is better then no attention”. I would love some input on this from anyone!! I feel like I’m lost, like a horrible mother, like I failed. I would love to have a normal relationship with me daughter. I feel like she is missing out on so many things.

This discussion is related to My 8 year olds behavior problems help.
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