8 yr old boy peeing and exposing himself

Question

i have recently taken in my nephew who was in a bad situation. when he arrived he was the perfect child, always looking to please us. after a couple months of living with us he has started peeing in random places...... on the floor, on my son, out the window, outside, etc... he has also started mooning and showing his privates. he has gone as far as pulling his pants down and another little girl pulling her pants down and him on top of her.  he comes from a physically and mentally abusive home, and i have him in therapy every week. he is also diagnosed ADHD and mood trait disorder.  i have tried everything to get him to stop these behaviors. he has written sentences about appropriate behavior, sitting in the bathroom, spanking, grounding, discussions, rewards, etc.... PLEASE HELP!!!!

Sandman2 · Answer

You need to understand how ADHD can effect ones life.  Then you will find it easier to deal with him if you know that a lot of what he is doing is not his fault.  And tough love will never work with ADHD.  It will only make the situation worse.  For example,  peeing all over the place is a pretty common ADHD trait at this age.   Your methods so far - as you have found out - won't/don't work with ADHD kids.  I am also the CL on the ADHD site.  Post over there 
       http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175
   with some specific things you want to work on and I will try and help.  Oh, the book I recommend the most is "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. Its about $10 on amazon - I suggest you order it as soon as possible.

becca6883 · Answer

he has not been to therapy before and has only been going for about a month. i agree with your "kill them with kindness approach although my fiance does not. he has raised 3 boys and believes that tough love is what he needs.... i have talked with the therapist and he says that it will take a lot of time, medication and encouragement. i just need to find the strength to get through all of this mess.

Doodles_Mimi · Answer

Oh my, poor child. How long has he been in therapy? Has he been to a therapist before? It is very possible that, your nephew has not felt he can trust grownups to love and protect him, leaving him to not feel loved. He was very well behaved when he first came there because he was afraid you would 
not want him. Now he is testing you, for one: to prove to himself that he is not lovable and for two: to prove to himself that adults cant be trusted. It is very important to NEVER punish him ( threats and demands)  EXTREMELY important to re: teach him through encouragement and consistency and always LOVE. This will be VERY trying for you, even harder for him. It will be going against everything he has learned in his life. Good luck to you all. P.S. do talk to the therapist and put a plan together.