9 year old girl coming between mother and her boyfriend

[Staples45]

Hi,

I am dating a divorced woman with 3 girls, the two older girls are relatively supportive of the relationship (Aged 13 and 12) while the youngest always tries to come in between the two of us. Whether it is sitting together or going for a walk or just wanting to spend a little time together. This little one always tries to impose her will on the two of us. She also throws things around when she gets angry and when tired she throws tantrums which i think are not appropriate for her age (but i am not sure and thats why i am at this forum). I would be really grateful if anyone can tell me if the following behavioral characteristics are normal for a 9 year old girl.

1. Constantly talking (even to her self) and making a noise (not loud but just enough to remind everyone that she is present in the room)
2. Jealous if i show the mother any attention
3. Throws tantrums when tried
4. When angry, throws books and other items around
5. Lies about the boyfriend to the mother (She once told the mother that i had knocked her on the head with my foot and to the best of my recollection i never did touch her - but it did cause a small cold war between my girlfriend and I- fortunately it lasted only one night - the cold war)
6. When asked to do anything she moves at exceptionally slow speeds - almost as though she wants me to get angry, but i just remain cool and then she will use any comment i make as an excuse to get angry and then throws a temper tantrum.

Please let me know what i should do and how i should handle this kid. Sometimes i feel the only way out is to give her a belting but i know that that would mean the end of the relationship. I am walking on really thin ice and i really need your help. I want this relationship to succeed.

With thanks..

[Staples45]

Hi Sandmart,

Thanks for letting me know that there are others out there who have a similar problem, i was worried that this was a unique case and really getting scared.

I will take your advice and take her out by herself and let her get to know me.

Will keep you posted on how things go. With many thanks and have a great day.

Warm regards,

Staples45

[Sandmart]

Hi
I have a 9 year old girl and she does a similar thing! It must be an age thing!! She is obviously craving attention. Being the "odd one out" within the family, she feels she has to stamp her independence on every situation. A child of that age doesn't realise how much disruption they are causing. I would try to calm things down by perhaps taking her out on your own to somewhere special, like a play park or ball pool type of place and really try to get to know her and to open up to you.
She needs to be able to trust both you and her Mum. I have stopped kissing or cuddling my partner when he comes round in front of my daughter and we plan to take her out with us in the future. I have only been seeing this guy for a few weeks so it is early days. My daughter refuses to sleep at her Dad's house and he brings her back when she explodes! Instead of dealing with the issue, he is brushing it aside.

All I can suggest is be nice to her! She is expecting to be punished and knoes she is being difficult. Try cuddling her and telling her you love her. Take real time out with her alone and show her what a nice guy you are and all you want to do is make her Mum happy.

Good luck !!!