They call it tough love here, you have to set some Bounderies, He has taken control you must take it back, it is yourselves that need the parenting skills, there is a really good Book out there also you may want to get,its called 'SOS Help for Parents' By Lyn Clark.You should have a place he goes to when he has these Tantrums and kick or hits his Mother you or her, place him on a chair ,do it quietly ,walk him to sit on the Chair and tell him to stay there until he comes and apologises to the person he has been Rude to, tell him he must stay if he comes off the chair lead him back with no more words till he sits for 5-10mins Quietly then says he is sorry.You then give him a big Hug.Tell him no moving at the meal table or he wont eat with you but mean it and be consistant about this,Consistancy is the Key.At school they are in charge they shoulkd apply similar methods,as at home to be able to help him you need to get tough on him.It has been seen some of the Brightest kids are the ones who act out more possibly they want more attention, it is always good with a Boy to make sure they get rid of that surplus energy lots of Games outside activitys and Guy stuff , its good for you aswell, Good Luck