Abusive father

[jojo744]

My ex partner has admitted to hitting and nipping my little girl when she was just 6 months old. I've spoken with doctors who believe he has hit, nipped and hurt her since birth. The abuse wasn't bad enough to leave any marks it has left my little girl petrified of her father and men. She last saw her father over a year ago and she screamed and tried to get away from him if he stood where she could see him and she screamed if she could hear his voice. I refused to allow him any contact and after a year she is still scared of men, but her father is now wanting visitation every 8 weeks and has got himself a solicitor. I don't want her to see him again after what he has put her through. Since leaving him she is less jumpy and is a lot more confident in herself. I'm afraid that contact will affect her and I know her fathers intentions are not good as he has told me how much he hates her and she ruined her life. He has admitted that he is jealous of her. I reported everything to social services and the police but neither could offer any help except report what had happened. He isn't allowed contact with children but because he is my daughters father he still stands a chance of supervised access. I'm looking for advice on anything I can do to help her overcome her fear of men and any advice on how to stop her father ever seeing her again.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

She is too young for therapy to be useful. Over time, with repeated interactions with adults (both men and women) who treat her well, she'll be fine.

[jojo744]

Thank you for your reply. My little girl is 2 year old in January. She is happy around women and will let female doctors examine her. Around men she freezes and asks to be picked up and keeps her face hidden by putting her arm over her eyes and keeping tight hold of myself with her other hand, if a male doctor try's to examine her she starts to cry and get herself very anxious and points to the door to be taken away.

It's very upsetting to watch I've tried to talk to her and calm her down or distract her with toys but nothing I try seems to have worked upto now.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

H ow old is your daughter now? Her age will determine what can be done by way of therapy. Relative to the contact, your only sure way of proceeding is through the court system. Only with the court's intervention can he have, o be denied, the opportunity to see his daughter. If any contact is permitted, it goes without saying that it should be supervised and in a neutral (i.e., non-family) setting.