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Am I the only one in this Boat?

My son is 6 years old and his latest diagnosis are Borderline Intellectual Intelligence, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Speech delayed and SID (Sensory Intergration Disorder). He is on meds for ADHD and aggression (ritalin, risperdal, and clonidine). All of these things effect his behaviors. Due to the ADHD he has very low impulse control, has trouble paying attention, and is overactive. Due to his ODD he usually goes against the rules as soon as he figures out the rules. Due to his SID anything and everything can set him off at a moments notice. He is very sensitive to sound, sight, smell, touch, and taste. He has many food allergies. He is very selective on which foods he will eat due to his sensory issues. He can't stand tags in his clothing or certain types of material. He has the need to touch everyone and he doesn't know a stranger. He smells everything, including people. He goes crazy when he is exposed to loud noises. He doesn't react well to alot of activity (crowds), he gets over stimulated. His speech delay takes away from his ability to communicate when he is having issues with all of his other problems. The diagonsis Borderline Intellectual Intelligence IQ 72, used to be MR with a 54 IQ score two years ago. I don't think most people realize how intelligent he is and due to his disabilites, he is not a good test canidate. He has trouble with small motor skills. He receives occupational therapy at school. He used to go to physical therapy but he has caught up over the years and that is no longer needed. He can ride his bike without training wheels and jump off without falling.

He is in his 2nd year of Kindergarten, at my request, because he was a full time student last year but I was called to pick him up early several times a week due to him being out of their control. He has a full time aide in school that was sent here from Heaven. I can't say the same about his Special Ed teacher, I think she overreacts to his behaviors but at the same time she doesn't see them escalating. You have to read him because he doesn't have the ability to tell you what is on his mind even though he can show you in a minute. So much for sending him home early, he is now only allowed to attend public school for 3 hours daily. He has 3 different groups advocating on his behalf. I don't know where this will end up but I am starting to wonder if his purpose in life is to make changes to the public school system and who knows what else he will change. We meet once a month and they have now agreed to test him in many different areas. They tested him last year but really didn't follow up with much to help him. He has a Behavior Support Plan that doesn't even touch on his behaviors. It hasn't been revised since last year and it is not working. This is the 2nd year that we have been trying to get the school to provide speech therapy for him. All of the other kids love him. When we sit in the hall to wait for his aide in the mornings, alot of kids will walk by and say, "Hi ________". Not one kid seems to be fed up with him even though I feel that some staff members are. He has been denied field trips and left out of school parties. I really feel like the Public School System has failed him.

I forgot all about the fact that he was diagnosed RAD, I guess it is because I do not agree with this at all. He is very much attached to us and not overly attached to others even though he doesn't know a stranger or have good boundaries. O.K., maybe I am in denial. After reading what I typed and having read alot about RAD, maybe he is, but I hope not. Autism has been ruled out due to the fact that he is so social even though it is not always appropriate.

We adopted him through the foster care system, he was in our home in foster care for 2 years prior to the adoption. He has came along ways since he arrived at the age of 11 months. He just layed their in his car seat and really didn't respond to what was going on around him. Now, he responds to everything, including somethings I wish he wouldn't notice. In his bio-home, he was left in his baby bed more or less since he was born. Him and his 3 year old brother were found home alone so they were removed. I read so many other post and I get to thinking that I shouldn't be stressed out at all compared to many other people. I just wonder how many other people are in the same boat? If you are, please throw me a lifesaver.
1 Responses
13167 tn?1327197724
mom,  it does seem like you're kind of in a boat all by yourself here . . . he's got an unusual mix of behaviors and diagnoses,  doesn't he?

There are a lot of families struggling with some of these diagnoses,  but I think you're kind of in a different place here -  babies who are raised in utter neglect are kind of a class of their own.

Have you looked to foster care for support groups for other parents dealing with extreme neglect?  I wonder if maybe there are online forums for international adopters who get babies from orphanages.  It seems like the struggles would be so similar in those cases.

It really sounds hopeful for him that he will continue to improve and continue to thrive with the right kind of therapy and caring teachers.  He's come a long way and still has a long way to go but knowing that his history may have caused a lot of this is hopeful that he'll improve.

Best wishes.  
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