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Behaviour problems after Juvenile Arthritis
My child had juvenile arthritis between the age of 2 to 5 years. She is almost 7 now. During her illness, we did our best to comfort her & keep her happy.
Now her behaviour can quite difficult when she doesn't get her way. She has two older siblings & we never had to deal with such difficult behaviour. My spouse works a lot & I am left alone to deal with her on my own. I am looking for suggestions... books, websites, any resources that others may be aware of that could help.
Now her behaviour can quite difficult when she doesn't get her way. She has two older siblings & we never had to deal with such difficult behaviour. My spouse works a lot & I am left alone to deal with her on my own. I am looking for suggestions... books, websites, any resources that others may be aware of that could help.
Hello. How is her juvenile arthritis now? Does that go away or does she still suffer pain at times?
Unfortunately, behavior can become a habit. All habits are hard to break and can take time. Give her time. :>) And she HAS been through a lot in her young life with a childhood illness/condition that impacted her greatly. That deserves empathy. Deep down, I'm sure she wants to be just a regular kid though and you can tell her that this is how you see her. And that you are going to apply all house rules to her as you do all the kids in the house. Tell her lovingly. And then stick to it. If she is difficult and pushes back, well. That is to be expected because you are trying to break a behavior habit. Don't get mad at it, expect it as part of the learning curve. Stay calm and firm on what you expect (if your expectations are realistic). Not all kids are the same and some DO have more difficult temperaments. I have two boys with different dispositions. One is more difficult than the other. I'm empathetic to my more difficult child and don't resent him for being harder to handle. It's just how he is. It doesn't mean I give him different rules though. He follows the same rules, it just takes a bit more patience on my part.
If she has had years of being catered to due to childhood illness, this is also something to consider she's learned. Been taught by YOU and the family. So, it's confusing when it changes all of a sudden because she isn't a toddler or preschooler anymore.
You don't say exactly what the areas of concern are. More details would help. But I'd pick one or two things to work on and start there. Stick to your loving and firm boundary. If the problem, for example is that she says "get me X" when you think she should get X herself. You remind her when she asks where X is and that she will need to get it herself. She gets fussy. You say calmly, X is there and you may get it. Don't give in and get it. She can fuss. You ignore that. Let her get X which she will if she really wants X. Sometimes leaving a room is helpful in that situation too so she is alone to figure out how to get X. That's just an off the cuff example but we can apply it to whatever is going on.
AnywaY, let us know how we can help and we will certainly try!
Unfortunately, behavior can become a habit. All habits are hard to break and can take time. Give her time. :>) And she HAS been through a lot in her young life with a childhood illness/condition that impacted her greatly. That deserves empathy. Deep down, I'm sure she wants to be just a regular kid though and you can tell her that this is how you see her. And that you are going to apply all house rules to her as you do all the kids in the house. Tell her lovingly. And then stick to it. If she is difficult and pushes back, well. That is to be expected because you are trying to break a behavior habit. Don't get mad at it, expect it as part of the learning curve. Stay calm and firm on what you expect (if your expectations are realistic). Not all kids are the same and some DO have more difficult temperaments. I have two boys with different dispositions. One is more difficult than the other. I'm empathetic to my more difficult child and don't resent him for being harder to handle. It's just how he is. It doesn't mean I give him different rules though. He follows the same rules, it just takes a bit more patience on my part.
If she has had years of being catered to due to childhood illness, this is also something to consider she's learned. Been taught by YOU and the family. So, it's confusing when it changes all of a sudden because she isn't a toddler or preschooler anymore.
You don't say exactly what the areas of concern are. More details would help. But I'd pick one or two things to work on and start there. Stick to your loving and firm boundary. If the problem, for example is that she says "get me X" when you think she should get X herself. You remind her when she asks where X is and that she will need to get it herself. She gets fussy. You say calmly, X is there and you may get it. Don't give in and get it. She can fuss. You ignore that. Let her get X which she will if she really wants X. Sometimes leaving a room is helpful in that situation too so she is alone to figure out how to get X. That's just an off the cuff example but we can apply it to whatever is going on.
AnywaY, let us know how we can help and we will certainly try!
I had JRA as a child and had no behavioral issues after. But the doctors did tell my parents that, that type of pain makes a child believe they are d(ying. So I was definitely different. One thing my mother did with me is meditation to keep me calm. I believe the book was called meditation for the little people. I had a lot of fear that this pain was going to come back. Perhaps your daughter does too and she is just acting out. I’m glad to hear she is in remission and hope that your issues get resolved.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree, I think a lot of this is learned behavior ....and that is nobody's fault given the circumstances. Besides Specialmom's great advice. You might want to look into books aimed at this age group to help them learn other ways to deal with things. And these books also give both you and her vocabulary that can be used to describe actions and outcomes.
Check out "Be Polite and Kind" https://www.amazon.com/Polite-Kind-Learning-Get-Along/dp/1575421518/ref=pd_sim_14_19?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1575421518&pd_rd_r=RBGJP1CW16W6Y4AW7S1B&pd_rd_w=ihK79&pd_rd_wg=iW8Cp&psc=1&refRID=RBGJP1CW16W6Y4AW7S1B
Or perhaps, "Cool down and Work Through Anger" https://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1575423464&pd_rd_r=1HFPFYQS18SPVZC21452&pd_rd_w=dbR9J&pd_rd_wg=nOLqz&psc=1&refRID=1HFPFYQS18SPVZC21452
You can find other recommended books on the site I linked.
Hope this also helps.
Check out "Be Polite and Kind" https://www.amazon.com/Polite-Kind-Learning-Get-Along/dp/1575421518/ref=pd_sim_14_19?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1575421518&pd_rd_r=RBGJP1CW16W6Y4AW7S1B&pd_rd_w=ihK79&pd_rd_wg=iW8Cp&psc=1&refRID=RBGJP1CW16W6Y4AW7S1B
Or perhaps, "Cool down and Work Through Anger" https://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1575423464&pd_rd_r=1HFPFYQS18SPVZC21452&pd_rd_w=dbR9J&pd_rd_wg=nOLqz&psc=1&refRID=1HFPFYQS18SPVZC21452
You can find other recommended books on the site I linked.
Hope this also helps.
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