ODD shouldn't cause ADL. Do you mean ADL or something like ADHD? What kind of a doc are you seeing? Do you live in the US?
For any child diagnosed with ODD, it is imperative that he receive mental health therapy services. I think that your concern would be better addressed when your son receives a complete mental health evaluation.
Hi there. Are you saying that the doctor doesn't want you to 'mother' or help your son so that you began backing off of that and now he is really struggling and starting to fail at things he was doing okay at?
Maybe ease into helping him grow at the things you were helping with and doing them on his own. I agree that we need to let our kids learn and experience the feeling and confidence doing it on their own gives them. But we also don't want to let them struggle to the point of giving up.
So, for now, I'd find a happy medium.
I work on confidence with my boy--- also 10 with a developmental delay. We find things he can do and emphasize the positive and minimize the negative. I'm careful about my words. And I realize that the 'real' world is a harsh place at times so I make sure home feels safe and he feels loved there. That does help and I'm sure you are doing that.
let me know any other details and I'll try to help if I can. Do you see a psychologist or do any therapy?