Being ridiculous - But I need help

[carrie110]

Let me start out by saying I know I'm being ridiculous. I've noticed for while that my 4 year old son tends to always play with the girls at school and tends to gravitate towards the female characters in a show.  It is mainly super hero shows that he watches.  It's not that he won't play with the boys he will when he plays with my husband he only plays with the boys and when I play with him he gives me the girls to play with and he plays with the boys.  He will play with boys at school in fact when we invite other boys over to play he loves it.  This really bothers me, and I know it is my problem and noone elses.  My son is happy and healthy and I know I should focus on this.  My son loves to pretend play and is always pretending to be a superhero.  My husband doesn't seem to be bothered by it, but I think I have it in my head that this means he is gay. I don't even know why that bothers me because I would love him no matter what.  I guess it is because I'm afraid of how others would respond.  I know what my cousin wen through when he came out and I don't want my son to go through that.  I also know that I cannot control it.  I am a worrier by nature, and I cann't seem to stop thinking of this.  Sorry this is kind of a ramble, but I would appreciated anyones constructive comments.  

[Samii111]

When i went to 5th grade girls wanted me to play with them so instead of playing with the boys went, and played with the girls i wanted to be a girl any ways so later on i started putting on dress because i  wanted to like a girl now i have my own clothes, and dolls.

[specialmom]

Ha---  should I mention that my son was Indiana Jones for Halloween this past year?  Jonesy is timeless.

[RockRose]

Specialmom,  so funny.  My youngest son,  who is now 17 and has a clear affinity for girls and has many nice guy friends,  was a mix of your son and the original poster's son at the age of 4.

My son was TOTALLY into Top Gun,  and Indiana Jones.  Those larger than life heroes,  he always emulated,  but he hung out with the girls in the class.  He did always have a very small circle of boys who hung out with him,  but mostly he was in a fantasy world of male superheroes and girls who were his real friends at the age of 4-6 years old.

He's turned out completely mainstream.  

[specialmom]

Ha, this was my younger son in preschool at that age.  His best buddy was a girl and he liked the female scientist rescue hero and various female super heros.  He's 6 now and in the first grade and his best buddy is a boy and he's into Mario.  

Try not to worry or picture what he'll be like as an adult by his four year old preferences.  By the way, my older son was taken to a toy store with his dad to pick out a toy.  While dad tried to drag him to the car aisle, he went down the Barbie aisle and picked out a ballerina barbie.  Just yesterday when we reminded him of this, we all cracked up because he wouldn't be caught dead with a barbie that danced these days as a second grader.  He'd rather a darth vader doll that had a weapon (I liked the barbie better).

good luck

[skepticalpeach]

There is no way to know if a 4 year old is gay, they are way too young. You don't start developing memories until you are 4, so I don't think your sexual orientation is determined that young. Just relax and let him play the way he wants. As long as he isn't hurting himself or anyone else then it's fine. My 5 year old DD has always preferred to play with boys. I don't think it means she's gay, it's just her preference. I wouldn't care if she's gay and I don't care who she decides to befriend.

[RockRose]

I've never heard that boys who always "play superhero" roles tend to be gay - I kind of thought it was just the opposite.

He sounds very very well socially adjusted to me - in school he plays with girls who are actually more complex socially than boys,  so harder to be accepted and maintain friendships,  and yet he enjoys the company of boys and has friends who are boys who enjoy playdates.

I think you're in tall cotton here, Mom.

[ku111]

Sounds like you have been a wonderful role model in that he is nice to play with girls and boys.  You have a well rounded and well adjusted child.  Keep in mind that at his age you might be his hero.  Good job!

[margypops]

We do worry about our children I think tha'ts what caring mom's do , but not certain you can control the issue anyway , whatever sexuality he will have in the future you will still love him and in today's free  climate it has been accepted by society .He's only 4 year old, it sounds as if reading your post he is just playing so maybe do not read anything else into it .Good luck