Body privacy: My 8 year old daughter hysterical

[Jularoo]

I know modesty and body privacy happens at some point, but what my daughter needs seems beyond normal and now I worry that maybe this is a symptom of something that happened to her? She must be behind closed doors to change, even for me her mother, for all clothing articles. She nearly panics if someone is about to "see" her in any way. I can't even hold a change room curtain over her assuring her I can only see her eyes. Tonight was the flip out point, as I needed her to remove super muddy jeans at our front door...behind a towel I was holding with only her dad and little brother in a nearby room out of sight. She melted down, couldn't breathe, almost threw up, said she would run away. Even when I left the room and the towel for her she still couldn't do it but eventually did when we insisted. I truly worry that her modesty is not normal. What is the cause for this, not to mention the future impact? I tried having a quiet conversation with her to find out what she was feeling and she couldn't say. I also tried approaching the topic if someone she had trusted put her in a situation where they asked her to remove her pants. She started hyperventilating saying she would kill them. Of course this worries me even more that something no ok happened. Otherwise a smart, bright healthy child. I've just began noticing many odd behaviors as she ages. I hope someone can help steer me. Thank you.

[jdtm]

anxiety (again, what is the cause)

Most people think there is a "cause" for anxiety or is resultant of life experiences and/or situations.  This is not true (exception would be post traumatic stress disorder).  Anxiety is usually an inherited genetic trait which results in the brain functioning a bit differently.  Anxiety is very common and highly treatable - the treatment depending upon the severity, the age of the person, and the type of anxiety.  By the way, obsessive compulsive disorder is one of the anxiety disorders.  It is wise to seek counsel from your family doctor - always the first place to start.  All the best ....

[Jularoo]

What an amazing place to see conversation. I so appreciate it!! I was indeed getting ready to call the doctor to begin conversation, after seeking ideas here first. I know for certain this behavior is over the top...it's finding out "why"? I have tried thinking back to when this started, and will continue to fill in those blanks. jdtm, that is so interesting what you are describing. It is anxiety (again, what is the cause). I will find time to google those words. What I find fitting is that she has been displaying other unusual body rituals. For example, she washes her hands alot but will never use a towel to dry them. She was interested in a good morning america story about øbsessive compulsive disorders and felt she was a little like that. She has to get a different fork each time she switches foods on her plate. She does great in school and is usually the one kids choose to be with, she is so independent and her self esteem is really high. So that's all good news.

[jdtm]

Actually, I have seen this situation several times with children suffering from severe anxiety.  This aspect is called "Body Dysmorphic Disorder" which can be co-morbid with anxiety/depression issues.   Eight years of age is a bit young although not overly unusal for this issue.  I might suggest you google the phrase "body dysmorphic disorder" or "body dysmorphic disorder in children" or similar words/phrases to see if any of the descriptions remind you of your daughter.  This disorder is a result of brain malfunction and not from abuse.  Just another suggestion as I was wondering ...

[margypops]

No not this extreme , my daughters went through some of this as teens but what  you describe seems excessive, have you had a word with your Doctor as there does seem to be some anxiety here.,when did it start what happened prior to it any visitors ,did she visit any one ...What is she like at school, friends , teachers, does she do well ? ..

[Jularoo]

Thanks to all of you that have posted. I am seeking these ideas because my gut is telling me something isn't right. It's just sooooo over the top how she reacted. It has made me think to the past, because I don't discount anything. It's very rare she has been anywhere alone, but there have been family events where others are around. I am hoping to learn if others have had this happen, or know of anyone that reacts this way to privacy at this young of an age.

[margypops]

You may also want to follow up on any gut feelings you have, about anyone else being involved, , who does she spend time alone with, there are other ideas but be aware and do not discount anything ...

[Jularoo]

Interesting ideas, I'll have to approach the topic again. Next time when she isn't all caught up emotionally about it. I have had a few conversations about starting a period, but she is so private you raise a good point that she doesn't want to talk about much.

[AnnieBrooke]

She might have started her period and doesn't want you to know.  I had a friend who started at 8.  Maybe your daughter didn't want you to see the pad, or thought there was possibly some overflow that you were going to find on the pants.

Put some of those booklets around about periods, and see if that opens any windows for conversation.  If you can think of a funny story about how yours started (I know, for most women this is not a hilarious topic) you might try bringing it up that way, when the men are not home.

[iris986]

It sounds to me as if she has been made fun of in school. Ask her about it.