Brothers - Everything is a competition

[PTocci]

I have two sons.  The oldest is 7, the youngest is 4, but just 2 and a half years younger than his brother.  My issue (at least perceieved issue) is that the two boys are obsessed with winning.  I would not be as concerned with this behavior if it wasn't for the way the boys acted when they lose.  It is possibly the most frustrating thing I have ever been faced with as a father as the boys act so inappropriately.  The oldest will sometimes yell at his friends or quit playing with them, or his brother, when he feels he is going to lose.  He'll cry at times and get a look on his face of pure misery.  As if there can be no enjoyment in an activity unless he wins.  The youngest will go into crying bursts that sound as if the world depended on him beating his brother at Mario Bros on their Nintendo gameboys.  I am really concerned about their ability to cope with losing.  Tonight, the youngest wanted to go for a walk with the family dog.  My wife and I, with the dog, the two boys and a friend of theirs from the street went around the block two times.  My youngest and the friend on their bikes and my oldest on his scooter.  Instead of enjoying the ride (and at our frequent direction that it was not a race) the whole expereince quickly escalated into a game of "don't pass me!" and "I want to be in first".  Again, I wouldn't be overly concerned, if it wasn't for how these episodes always end.  In this case, the youngest crying his eyes out to our neighbors because "I don't like it when he passes me" (The three boys were ahead of us and the neighbors ran out of their driveway to see what was wrong).  In a lot of cases, to cope with the obsession, the boys have actually resorted to "I'll let you win, and then you let me win" scenarios because neither wants to lose so badly.  While oddly diplomatic, it scares me that they are such poor losers and have no appreciation at all for the mere fun of an activity.  My wife and I try to explain the virtues of being a good sport, but I rarely see any result - except for their "I win then you win" solution.  It is really important to me that the two of them understand it isn't all about winning, that they just need to try their best.  

Back to my personal issue - the frustration.  It has gotten to the point where I yell at them about the fact that they can't win all the time.  I realize it probably isn't helping, but the constant crying and pouting due to losing something is mind numbing.  Being a perpetual referee is exhausting.  

Am I over reacting?  I'm hoping that you, and possibly other parents out there can help me cope as well.

[margypops]

Kids have to learn to manage dissapointment its something they dont do too well, I guess they will learn, your boys are competitive with each other, who usually wins and who does most of the moaning about not winning?reading your Post it sounds like the younger one who does all the yelling .,is he the one to get away with it.Maybe when he crys and yells at not winning dont react to it, let him yell and it will pass. Sometimes the more you make of it the more it becomes., the younger ones always get away with more, watch your own reaction to the situation next time.