Can you Help?

[Louel]

My brother remarried a few yrs. ago. He married a girl with 3 children of her own from a previous marriage. My brother is kind, considerate and very loving. He does not have any of his own children. My sister-in-law does not discipline the children which is causing huge issues. The children are extremely rude, and very disrespectful to my brother. They are greedy and selfish. The oldest, who is 16, is out drinking on weeknights and weekends w/ friends. My sister-in-law, I will call her Jess, gets very upset when my brother trys to intervene. This child is failing in school, and does not follow any direction my brother trys to provide. My brother had a birthday recently. His wife gave him a  cake, and one of the children sat in another room and refused to sing happy birthday !. My brother has provided a beautiful home. He is dumbfounded that he is being treated so poorly. Jess's  first husband is a raving alcoholic.  Jess has a very good job, a very well paying position. She constantly battles with my brother that he does not give her all the things she wants.  Then the kids yell, scream, throw tantrums and she does nothing about it. Jess and my brother recently went away for a weekend to a family function. Jess ignored him all weekend, drank and danced with several much younger men and acted as if my brother was not there. Someone in their group called her out and told her she was acting like a fool and treating my brother terribly. It has gotten to a point where my brother is acting as if he is in shock, he is in so much pain from the treatment and living conditions at their home.  I am sick for my brother.  Can you please give us some advice?     Thank You!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I concur with the reader's guidance. Whenever we look at a situation it is important to figure out whose problem it is. This is not your problem to solve. You have no role to play in this.

[misskay1111]

Stay out of it...yes, as much as you love your brother, you have to let him be a big boy and let him handle it. I mean, would you want someone else to get involved with your marriage? As hard as it is, you can't do anything about it. Just be there for you brother and intervene only when he seeks advice or your input. Until then, just try to let him learn on his own and let him discover the issues.