Concernes for my 6 year old son is turning me into a poor mother. Help.

[lb313]

Since my daughter was born 3 years ago my oldest son (who is 6 now) took an interest to all things girl.  He started to dress up in dresses and play girl characters. The dressing up he has outgrown and never has seemed too interested in make up and such. He has no interest in typical boy activities.  He used to love trains but that is it.  He dislikes superheroes (unless they are female).  He is not too interested in sports, he seems to enjoy baseball a little but not much.  He is very limited in his interests... spiders, crabs and drawing.  Taking him to the toy store is a pain, he usually cannot find anything he likes.  He loves to role play but he always has to be the girl character.  He almost seems uncomfortable with playing the boy. He is a gifted artist, and has been drawing since the age of 2.  He is sensitive, bright and a very happy boy.  He is so easy to parent yet so hard as he does not fit in well with other boys.  I fear he will have no kids he relates to as his interests are limited.  He has a boy cousin who he plays with at school but I think with time his little cousin will find others he relates to better and my son will be alone.

He is a joy.  Much easier than his tough, macho 4 year old brother (who he gets along well with).  The problem is my inability to accept him for the boy that he is.  When I first noticed my son's interests I had just given birth to my daughter and with raging hormones it all turned on me and I developed debilitating postpartum depression with my oldest son being my focus.  With time and some meds I stabilized and now am completely off the medication.  Every once in a while I still get the anxiety related to my son and I hate it.  I want to be this mother that just loves her son for exactly the person he is, but instead I find I critique (to myself-never to him) his behavior.  I have looked within trying to find the origin and believe that there is definitely a fear of homosexuality and I hate that even more.  I am an educated health professional and I never believed I would feel this way. In part I blame my upbringing as I am mexican and my parents had very rigid gender role expectations.  I was the pure and innocent daughter that was to stay at home and learn how to be a wife, while my brother was to be the macho, womanizer who had all the freedom to go about his life.  
I do not want to feel this way, my wish is that I look at my son without judgement and love him for who he is and not for what I want him to be.  Please advise.

[supermom1234]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Yes, you may be having negative thoughts about your son-- who may or may not turn out to be your daughter in the end but as someone already said, he will in all likelihood outgrow this-- but you KNOW that those thoughts are negative and inappropriate, AND you even seem to have a firm grasp on what is causing those thoughts. I am also from a culture with those gender expectations AND a history of homosexuality AND even a lovely dose of racism runs in my family!!! So I know what it's like to have things occur to you even as you know they are wrong, because that's what so-and-so always said when you were a kid or that's what you read off their face whenever someone gay or black or whatever came onto the TV screen.

I know you want to be the mother who loves their kid no matter what, and I'm happy to report that I personally believe you ARE that mother. Don't let yourself get too hung up on this or worry about whether he's gay or straight or cis or trans--- he's none of these things yet, he's a CHILD. You'll cross whatever bridge you may encounter if and when you get to it :-)

[Jar23]

Don't worry he will out grow this. My niece. Brother did this when he was on younger and he outgrew. It. If you have any worries have him in to see a therapist to find out why he plays only female characters. And talk to his doctor too.

[KYmomof2boys]

Also if you want to find something that interest him, have you asked? If he's good at art, then you not only have to encourage it you have to know everything about it too. When my son was into Thomas I knew every one of the trains by name. When he was in power rangers, wrestlers, and army men it was the same thing. When he started playing video games I did too. I love playing Lego video games even now. It's more than just encouraging him, it's about getting to know him.  Also my youngest could care less about the house full of toys he has. He plays with whatever I have. I have to search for spoons, butter knives, and forks. They are perfect pretend tools to a 2 year old.

[KYmomof2boys]

Are you the primary parent that is with your children most of the day? What gender roles is he seeing. My husband works, and I'm the only parent home full time with my 2 year old. He packs a purse, cell phone, compact from my old make-up, and tools I don't get upset but my husband does. Who is he acting like? Well he's acting like me. Im not worried it's going to affect him in his sexuality later, because it's not about that. He's role playing what he's exposed to. He will tell you too that mommy will fix it. You want your son to be interested in sports, well I wanted my oldest to be interested in learning. He's 13. He still hates anything to do with school. My youngest is too smart. Each child is different. They all have different likes. Children follow what they are exposed to. Don't expect to give him a basketball and a goal, and because he's a boy expect him to know what to do with it. Basketball has rules, and someone has to teach him.

[Fahitasoap]

Just trust it gut

[psychicRod]

either grow out of it or become a girl we are all diffrent he may never grow out of it

[supermom1234]

I should clarify-- what you read off the face of a relative when such a person came on TV, for instance my paternal grandfather would always make a look of disgust on his face and immediately change the channel whenever a black person came on :-(