Child Behavior

[malaki328]

My 5 year old daughter soon to be a 6 year old in a month does not respect anyone, young or old, she hits anyone including her little sister.  This started from birth and now lil sis is 3 years old. But at first only toward her little sister, so I would always be careful not to leave them alone, that kind of stop. Then she started throwing stuff and breaking things, so anything I thought she could throw I would move away, that kind of stop.  She then started throwing her food so I would feed her then that kind of stop and now she hits any one that come near her even strangers, always right in the face. And now the problem has escalated she’s been in kindergarten for about a week now and  has been hitting a little boy in class. The teacher move her away from the boy, but in the cafeteria she hit a teacher that was asking her her name and she just hit the teacher in the face.  When we go out I have to rest my hand on hers so she won’t hit me, if we are at a restaurant I have to sit next to her put my hands on hers and plus feed her or else, like she has done in the past, hit me or the nearest person and throws the food. If you see her she looks like the calmest child ever and sweet and polite, you just cannot get too close to her.  I see her trying to be good at times, like she tries to stay away from people. When she’s playing with other kids she plays for a while then moves away, if you are talking to her she tries not to be too close to you. I love her so much but I feel most of her anger is towards me ever since I bought her little sister home am trying to balance both of them.   I tried everything under the sun to get her to stop hitting, time outs, taking away privileges, spanking; I even tried spending time just with her alone.  Go shopping, going to the nail saloon, going to the library together, cooking she would be fine for a while , but lil sis comes back in the picture and we are right back where we started or even worse than we were before.  Now I have a social worker comes (she hit him), I don’t know what else to do am going out of my mine because I still have to take care of my three year old and her behavior is the opposite it’s like night and day.  Now she doesn’t hit lil sis as much anymore because she starting to defend herself, so big sister thinks twice before hitting her… I need help I don’t want lil sis to think its ok to hit too or mimic big sis behavior I can see if ignore  lil sis will be doing the same thing.  

[skepticalpeach]

Have you discussed this with her doctor? I agree that they will most likely recommend occupational therapy. My daughter went through a hitting phase too. One of the ways I encouraged her to stop was to exaggerate my response. I would yell "OUCH, THAT HURTS SO BAD!" It really made her stop and think. Since my daughter has a disability we couldn't give her time outs so we had to find other ways to get the point across.  

[malaki328]

Thank you for the recommendation, I really appreciate it!! I am going to try the occupational therapist for evaluation. By the way when she hits me or her sister or anyone else while am around, I did try the spritz of water in the face or I would was her face with cool water and that same to calm her down or change her mood.

[RockRose]

From your description it sounds like she can't stand it when people get too close to her,  and she's learning a little to back off when she can.  

I think she needs to be evaluated by an OT (occupational therapist) to see if she has sensory or spatial issues.  She seems to be fine unless someone is too close - and there are ways to deal with that as she matures.  She's already learning to back away.  

It's good too,  that she's able to learn that if someone hits her back she won't keep hitting - so consequences of some kind (a spritz of water in the face,  for example) might work immediately after she hits.

In the meantime,  I think an evaluation with an OT is in order.  Best wishes.