Child masturbation

[Odo]

Recently I found out that my five and a half yr. old son is masturbating or so it seems. I found him once in his bed doing this. According to his mom this is had happened in the past as well. I am not sure how to address this problem to him at this young age. I am not very keen on scaring him by telling that such behavior will cause future illness. I am also not so sure about disciplining him. Should I be worried, and if so how should I proceed.

Many thanks

Odo

[SL345]

This may sound radical to you, but have you considered the idea that masturbation is NOT a problem. It's a normal response to children having sexual feelings. Now that we have the technology to observe children in utero, we know that fetuses touch their genitals in the womb where boys get erections. Children are born sexual beings. It is normal for kids to touch themselves and to masturbate. It is pleasurable. Many people have trouble coming to accept this idea. Sexuality in children scares us. Try to shift your thinking away from - this is a problem - to this is an opportunity. Think - I need to teach my son about privacy and I need to use this chance to begin to talk to him about his body. Think of this as a chance to begin having small talks with him that will help prepare him for being an active sexual adult. Think about how you learned about sex. Consider how and from whom you would like your children to learn about it. If you don't tell them, they'll learn about it from friends (who have less accurate information) and from the media who don't care about your son and are more interested in making money off of his sexual feelings.

Take a deep breath and talk to him. Tell him that you noticed that he was touching himself and you want to be able to talk to him about this part of his life just as you talk about everything else in the family. Tell him that this is an important area of his life. Tell him he's not in any trouble and you're not angry. Get books from the library or buy books online about human sexuality written for kids his age and younger. Tell him it's difficult to know how to talk to him about it because no one ever talked to you. Ask him if it feels good. Tell him that it may make people uncomfortable to see him touching himself, so he needs to do it in a private place, like the bathroom. Tell him if he needs help remembering to be private that you and he can have a special signal that you'll use to remind him if you see him touching himself - something that no one else will understand so he doesn't feel embarrassed but he can practice keeping this privacy manners. Tell him he can ask you any questions he has and if you don't know the answer you will help him find out. Thank him for listening to you and being willing to talk about this.

How does that sound?

[candy020506]

many thanks!! However, what will you do to a 3-yr-old girl, who probably has no idea about what you are talking about? anyway i will try your way and check it out

[CaDad]

Good grief,
Just what are you going to talk to him about?
How about just telling him that when he wants to touch himself like that he needs to do it in private.
So when he gores into his room and shuts the door knock before entering lol
So yea-this is an old post but still timely  to those who seem to have an opinyon on everything .

[rilbrianne]

I agree 100%, it's very normal and boys and girls touch themselves.  They are learning that it feels good, not that it's dirty and horrible.  It won't lead to any kind of illness... I don't know where that came from.  It's like you getting a back rub, feels good and you enjoy it.  Kids that young don't know that its a sexual behavior.  Unless he is trying to get other children to do it to him or likewise or he's playing aggressive sexual games, there is nothing to worry about.  If he starts doing those things though, it's time to worry.  

Just gently tell him not to touch himself in public, that it's inappropriate and should be done in private in his room or the bathroom.  It's not a bad thing, perfectly normal, and you don't want him to think he's a bad kid.  

[JenandTerry]

Don't be too concerned, I haven't yet known a child that has not touched themselves. It is a part of his body, he utilises it too go to the bathroom.  
I wouldn't even bring it up, unless he did it in public. Perhaps then a quick chat about appropriate behaviours for public vs' private.