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Childhood Experimentation?

I am 15 and have been dealing with these thoughts for almost 3 years. I remember when I was 7, i had a cousin. She was maybe 2 or 3. I remember one day we was curious and was watching a movie. The movie contained “ sexual scenes “ and we decides to try it out. All we did was kiss for like 5 seconds no tounge because we was young we didnt know what happened. I also remember this one time in camp, I was around the same age, I humped someone. In a playful way because still i was only like a 1st grader i didnt know anything about sex or sexuality. Im 15 now and im heterosexual but everytime i think about these instances i get depressed and sad. What should I do?
2 Responses
Avatar universal
The person at camp was a boy. Its awkward at school because we go to school together now we are 10th graders. Im not gay, i have a girlfriend now. Im not an abuser im not a predator, nothing i ever did was forced on anyone. As a child i went through alot of experimentation, i had my first kiss at 6 with another girl at my school.  I never knew anything I was doing could be considered wrong. I know the 4-5 year age gap is alot but I was only 7 myself, i was oblivious to everything around me. Please someone tell me did I do anything wrong this has been hurting me inside for years.
Avatar universal
You're fine.  People get sexual thoughts at different ages.  I had none at that age, but you did.  Nothing you did was forced on anyone or was invasive or violent.  Everything now seems okay for you.  Guilt will eat at you.  Let it go.
3 Comments
I try to let it go but i always feel like i didn’t have a normal childhood. I was exposed to sexual activity at a young age from the internet so i was trying to act out what i was seeing. I just feel bad alot.
Just because you were exposed to sexual activity at a young age doesn't mean you were affected by it in a way that marks you now.  Once upon a time, everyone lived naked and did everything in the open because they didn't have houses to live in.  That's how our species began.  Obviously, civilizations and religions came about and so we do have a lot of hangups now, but they affect some and not others.  To say you were not normal assumes you were the only person to see things on the internet, and that's obviously untrue -- everyone gets on the internet now and sees things.  So again the real issue is, we're all different, and we all react differently to things, and the issue for you is how you reacted, not what's normal.  So again, you seem to be having quite normal relationships, you appear not to be violent, coercive, or abusive.  If you are and not saying, that's different.  If you feel bad a lot, and can't get it under control, you might consider seeing a professional therapist so you can get past this while you're young and get rid of it.
you appear not to be violent, coercive, or abusive.

im not i never been the type.  this is just 2 things that happened in my life that i had to get off my chest. thank you
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