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Clothing issues
My nine year old daughter has had this problem now for a few years ,although for a short time it had gone it has come back with avengenz now.she has started again with not wanting to wear any clothes we put out for her and would rather go in the washing basket and take out dirty clothes including pants and socks,I couldn't count how many different items of clothing she has,some still with the label on but she just won't put any of them on and would rather just wear her old baggy pair of joggers.
It came to a head last night when we were getting ready for a family party,my wife had agreed with my daughter the night before on what she was wearing and ironed the outfit for her,but as we were all getting ready my daughter started crying saying she didn't want to wear what was put out for here,to cut a very long story short,my wife ironed four outfits which were declined with crying and and tantrums and my daughter then banged her head off the wall,I then went into my daughters bedroom and tried to calm her down and going through her clothes and saying things like that would look cool on or you would look nice in that,she then went and picked up a top that was lying behind her door on the floor,when I looked at it,it was dirty and had a small hole in it,she then through a tantrum and put on this dress which I reluctantly agreed to but she wanted to put on a scabby pair of trainers which I told her it wasn't a good idea, she then said nobody cared about her which I told her she was wrong and that we loved her so much but we can get frustrated sometimes with her with this issue and that we had spent two hours trying to get her something to wear.we spent another half an hour trying to get her to wear shoes with the dress witch was constantly followed with crying and tantrums,by this time I had given up and was drained by it all so I said right ok we're not going now why don't you put your pyjamas on,it was at this point that has shocked me and my wife and my reason for writing this and trying to find answers,the shoes I was trying to get her to wear we're picked up at she banged them on her nose at least five times,and with blood Cushing from her nose she turned to me and said look what you made me do.
We are at our wits end and need some advice on what to do,we love our daughter so much.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
It came to a head last night when we were getting ready for a family party,my wife had agreed with my daughter the night before on what she was wearing and ironed the outfit for her,but as we were all getting ready my daughter started crying saying she didn't want to wear what was put out for here,to cut a very long story short,my wife ironed four outfits which were declined with crying and and tantrums and my daughter then banged her head off the wall,I then went into my daughters bedroom and tried to calm her down and going through her clothes and saying things like that would look cool on or you would look nice in that,she then went and picked up a top that was lying behind her door on the floor,when I looked at it,it was dirty and had a small hole in it,she then through a tantrum and put on this dress which I reluctantly agreed to but she wanted to put on a scabby pair of trainers which I told her it wasn't a good idea, she then said nobody cared about her which I told her she was wrong and that we loved her so much but we can get frustrated sometimes with her with this issue and that we had spent two hours trying to get her something to wear.we spent another half an hour trying to get her to wear shoes with the dress witch was constantly followed with crying and tantrums,by this time I had given up and was drained by it all so I said right ok we're not going now why don't you put your pyjamas on,it was at this point that has shocked me and my wife and my reason for writing this and trying to find answers,the shoes I was trying to get her to wear we're picked up at she banged them on her nose at least five times,and with blood Cushing from her nose she turned to me and said look what you made me do.
We are at our wits end and need some advice on what to do,we love our daughter so much.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
From an early age I had this problem (tantrums, refusing to wear most clothes/socks/shoes) and it was indeed nerve hypersensitivity. At age 8 they discovered I had deformed vertebrae, scoliosis, and a tethered spinal cord (which required surgery and 7 years of brace wear). While my problems are less common, please do have your child medically examined. Years later at age 29 I still have the same symptoms but have learned to tolerate them. Early surgery however preserved my ability to walk (and mostly preserved bowel/bladder function). If not for early intervention I would now be in a wheelchair. Better safe than sorry!
Hi guys can anyone help or give me advice on my 5 year old daughter she hates clothes, is it feels to tight or it's not at the right angle or her sleeves keep rising up when she puts her arms straight she will not wear socks her knickers have to feel right I can be there for about 45 minutes trying to get her dressed so even tryed getting her clothes ready the day before but still dose not help because she will still find something to cry or make a fuss over
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thank you for your response. And hopefully you are aware that we have a great SPD site here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Sensory-Integration-Disorder-SID/show/1396
Specialmom is the CL and she has a son with SPD so is very in tune with the subject.
Specialmom is the CL and she has a son with SPD so is very in tune with the subject.
I have a 9 year old with these exact same problems. It has nothing to do with control/wanting her own way. It is from something called Tactile Defensiveness, resulting from sensory processing disorder. For some people, a brushing technique you can learn from an OT really helps. My daughter is very resistant to the brushing, so that hasn't helped us. Please contact a local OT, and see what they can so for you. I understand the frustration & stress. Good luck!
Yes that is! I understand how you feel and have been there. We did occupational therapy for sensory issues and they do something called the brushing protocol. It was amazing. They did it in the office and then I took a brush home and did it at home frequently. In all truth, within 6 weeks our issues around tactile sensitivity got markedly better. It has something to do with the nerve endings. In a child with tactile defensiveness, the nerve endings are over sensitive and it makes certain things really uncomfortable and other things they will seek. The brushing over the nerve endings with this brush that looks like a surgical hand washing brush helps balance them and as soon as they are done brushing, they do what is called pushing. This is something any ot can show you. Basically you push the joints which sends a signal to the brain called 'sensory input'. So, it was brushing and then our pushes. it helped tremendously.
Have you considered seeing an OT?
Have you considered seeing an OT?
my 6 year old daughter is the same. i let her choose what ever she wants plus we go shopping together. Nothing seems like its going to a right direction. she rather stay at home and b in the underwear than go outside..overwhelming
Neither of my boys like jeans either. You know, I found pants in khaki material that fits like athletic pants? That's what we wear on our 'nice' days.' Luckily, my kids are sporty and their garb kind of represents that but in reality, it's a lot more comfortable!
Error in my entry previous to the last. The last sentence should read, "They wee probably the only kids that NEVER owned a pair of jeans."
I can see where your son has a special need for soft garments, but I believe that all children like the feel of things like plush and velvet and satin. They are all feely-feely when young.
My sons issues are more related to his nervous system and his sensory integration disorder. But yes, he is very sensitive. My other son has things he likes and dislikes but can cope. that's the difference with a sensory kid with tactile defensiveness verses one that isn't--- one can cope and the other truly can't.
Yes, children are very sensitive to how fabrics feel. Just think how tender their skin is. I used a lot of velveteen, sateen and other soft fabrics for their clothing, and I never put them in denim or other harsh materials. They were probably the only kids that owned a pair of jeans.
Hi there. You know, some kids do absolutely have a sensitivity to things like how clothing feels. They feel the tags in their shirts that we don't or the way a fabric feels that we don't notice. There nervous system is out of sync and feels things more or less than the average person causing great and REAL discomfort.
I have had great success with my sensitive son by listening to what was bothering him and working to find alternatives. He wears no seam socks, t shirts without tags, comfy athletic pants to school rather than jeans. While I might want to dress him differently, I allow his comfort needs in clothing to direct what we buy.
Yes, sometimes it was tough when he was little and to this day as he is now 9 when a need would arise such as socks that were fine yesterday result in his not being able to focus on anything else the next.
this is called tactile defensiveness and is part of the sensory system. A good mother addresses such needs in their child. By doing activities and things that help regulate my son's nervous system, it helps him actually be in a better position to handle tactile issues that could be distressing.
Sensory integration disorder is treated by an occupational therapist. Issues with clothing are a hallmark sign that is quite common with sensory kids. If anyone would like more information about this, I'm happy to help.
I have had great success with my sensitive son by listening to what was bothering him and working to find alternatives. He wears no seam socks, t shirts without tags, comfy athletic pants to school rather than jeans. While I might want to dress him differently, I allow his comfort needs in clothing to direct what we buy.
Yes, sometimes it was tough when he was little and to this day as he is now 9 when a need would arise such as socks that were fine yesterday result in his not being able to focus on anything else the next.
this is called tactile defensiveness and is part of the sensory system. A good mother addresses such needs in their child. By doing activities and things that help regulate my son's nervous system, it helps him actually be in a better position to handle tactile issues that could be distressing.
Sensory integration disorder is treated by an occupational therapist. Issues with clothing are a hallmark sign that is quite common with sensory kids. If anyone would like more information about this, I'm happy to help.
When I would take one of my girls out shopping for new dresses, I would pick out four or five that were suitable and then let her choose the two she liked the best. That way we were both pleased.
Spoken like a responsible mother. Encouraging tantrums in children is not the road to emotional health.
I am new to this forum, and was so relieved to see I was not the only one with issue. I too, like you, let my child pick out his clothes/shoes when shopping, then we get home, and the next day he has an issue with them, and wears the same things over and over. Socks bother him, seams in underwear,etc.. We have tried the whole laying out clothes the night before, worked for a while, now that school is back in , we are seeing it again. We are almost out the door, and he changes his mind. I do not want to send my child to school upset or crying, or frustrated over clothes. We were tardy this morning, because instead of fighting him, I let him take his time. I truly believe he has some sort of issue, my husband seems to think he has too many options, but we fix that at night when he picks out his outfit, and is happy about it. He got new shoes for school, LOVED them in the store, has not worn them once, he wears the same dirty shoes from the summer. I hope you found a resolution to your problem, and hope you can share if you did. 6 year old boys should be worried about sports and bugs, not clothes. :( Good Luck to you and your family.
We keep a set of clothes for each child in a bag in the car. A full set - undies, shirt, shorts / skirt (for the girls) and a pair of sneakers and a fleecy top / sloppy joe. The clothes are neat but low cost like the shoes were less than $10 from k-mart. If kids are not ready to go at the appointed time or having a moment then they have to wear that outfit. No questions. No arguing. It lives in the car so that if we are out then it is available in the case of need like say kids getting messy / muddy when playing. So it serves many purposes. But it does get them to focus especially the girls.
I think that we need to remember that at the end of the day, the child is a child and the parent is responsible. I know all these people talk about letting the child take responsibility and thats great but at the end of the day the parent is responsible. The parent is in charge and the parent has the authority and the parent needs to recognise and exercise that. If the kid is getting dirty clothes out or even if on this occasion the parent has decided what the child is to wear then the child absolutely must wear it no matter what. No excuses. Our kids know that if something is put out for them then they wear that. If nothing is put out for them then they can choose.
I think that we need to remember that at the end of the day, the child is a child and the parent is responsible. I know all these people talk about letting the child take responsibility and thats great but at the end of the day the parent is responsible. The parent is in charge and the parent has the authority and the parent needs to recognise and exercise that. If the kid is getting dirty clothes out or even if on this occasion the parent has decided what the child is to wear then the child absolutely must wear it no matter what. No excuses. Our kids know that if something is put out for them then they wear that. If nothing is put out for them then they can choose.
Hi my daughter is 7 and was suffering the same thing. Every day was hell getting her dressed. Always wanted to wear dirty clothes and didn't like socks because of bumps. We have had her diagnosed with sensory sensitivity disorder and now we know what we are dealing with things have been so much better. We have purchased seamless socks and there are sites on the net selling soft clothing for kids with this problem has made big difference in our daughters life good luck
Anyway, from the way you describe your daughter it sounds to be an issue with how the clothes feel that is driving her to her old favorites. That is a sensory related issue/ tactile dysfunction.
If you have any questions about that, please let me know and we do have a sensory forum now here at med help. You can find it on the side bar under 'related communities."
If you have any questions about that, please let me know and we do have a sensory forum now here at med help. You can find it on the side bar under 'related communities."
Hi there. Well, my son has sensory integration disorder and has tactile defensiveness. This means that things we block out are really uncomfortable for him. Classic signs are that certain materials don't feel right (my son won't wear jeans, at all), an absolute avoidance of some things and even getting upset if you try to push the issue that they wear them.
We did something called 'brushing' which an occupational therapist started us on. It's really easy and takes about 3 minutes and you do it several times through out the day. Small soft, brush similar to what a surgeon uses to wash their hands and you do hands, arms, feet, legs and back and then do these things called pushes which are joine compressions. The theory is that the nervous system is sending wrong signals and making a child more sensitive to touch things. And the brushing and joint compressings help out with that. It worked very well for my son. We did it for about 6 weeks and once in a while we go back to it now.
The other thing I do is think about what he is telling me is comfortable. If your daughter likes the feeling of sweat pants---- what can you find in a similar material that looks decent? Then when you find something, you buy extra pairs for her so you aren't washing the same thing every day.
We did something called 'brushing' which an occupational therapist started us on. It's really easy and takes about 3 minutes and you do it several times through out the day. Small soft, brush similar to what a surgeon uses to wash their hands and you do hands, arms, feet, legs and back and then do these things called pushes which are joine compressions. The theory is that the nervous system is sending wrong signals and making a child more sensitive to touch things. And the brushing and joint compressings help out with that. It worked very well for my son. We did it for about 6 weeks and once in a while we go back to it now.
The other thing I do is think about what he is telling me is comfortable. If your daughter likes the feeling of sweat pants---- what can you find in a similar material that looks decent? Then when you find something, you buy extra pairs for her so you aren't washing the same thing every day.
Also, my son was able to shop in a used clothing store for as long as he wanted to, there were no time constraints and he could try on all clothing without being rushed. We talked about his choices, are you sure that shirt is long enough? I know how much you like your shirts to be long enough. Are those pants too tight? Remember those pants you got that were too tight? Maybe try a pair in a few different sizes, just to be sure that what is really comfortable for you?
Now that he's older, 24, i get to go and have him try clothes on for me, but, if he doesn't like them, he won't show them to me. In fact, he waits until he's made the purchase, and brings them to our house (because he usually stays for dinner after we go shopping) and tries them on for me. Simply, he says, "everything i try on you think i look good in". And i can't argue that, he's right!!
Another thing, make it known that it's okay to return items. Make it a plan to bring home clothes, try them on in her own room, and return them if they're NOT perfect (to her). I found raising my son, that making a purchase did not mean that we were keeping the item. It would have been far too expensive and frustrating to do that, if he wasn't going to wear the items. If you go into this Mom, knowing that you're going to bring items back, it won't be a shock to you. You can plan on it. Your daughter will be forever grateful if you allow her these choices, and don't make her think that she can't change her mind. I know , especially if you work that taking the extra time to return outfits might be a bit of a bother, but believe me, our kids appreciate every minute that we give to them. I enjoy my time shopping with Jesse, whether it's returning goods, or bringing them home. Have fun with it. Keep Smiling. All will be well.
Now that he's older, 24, i get to go and have him try clothes on for me, but, if he doesn't like them, he won't show them to me. In fact, he waits until he's made the purchase, and brings them to our house (because he usually stays for dinner after we go shopping) and tries them on for me. Simply, he says, "everything i try on you think i look good in". And i can't argue that, he's right!!
Another thing, make it known that it's okay to return items. Make it a plan to bring home clothes, try them on in her own room, and return them if they're NOT perfect (to her). I found raising my son, that making a purchase did not mean that we were keeping the item. It would have been far too expensive and frustrating to do that, if he wasn't going to wear the items. If you go into this Mom, knowing that you're going to bring items back, it won't be a shock to you. You can plan on it. Your daughter will be forever grateful if you allow her these choices, and don't make her think that she can't change her mind. I know , especially if you work that taking the extra time to return outfits might be a bit of a bother, but believe me, our kids appreciate every minute that we give to them. I enjoy my time shopping with Jesse, whether it's returning goods, or bringing them home. Have fun with it. Keep Smiling. All will be well.
Hi Amye, if i were you i would tell your daughter that unless she wears the clothes that she picks out herself, that she would not get new clothes. If she wishes to wear clothes that are comfortable, maybe she would like to shop at a used clothing store, it would far cheaper until she finds a style she can commit to, and it will be supporting those less fortunate. Something she can be proud to support. While my son was studying music in high school he decided to grow a foot and a half long mohawk that he died blonde. There was never any time during these years that I would be able to have my way as to how he presented himself to the world. This was fine with me, he was a smart, engaging young man, and that's all I saw when i looked at him. My suggestion to you, is to let your child be themselves, they're not trying to get a modeling contract, other parent's understand fully that a child's choice of clothing is does not define your family, in any way. The most important thing to do with children, while they are growing, is to always support them in their choices, unless those choices harm them. Your child dressing as a ragamuffin is not ruining her chances of getting that job. Please make sure that she doesn't feel that she has to impress you visually, for you to full support her. It's important that our kids know that we judge them on their personalities, purely. I know turning 52 this year that when i look in the mirror, i see changes that are uncomfortable for me. A child lives there life, in change, and that can be scary. Clothing is the one thing that they can count on. I don't think that anything a child wears should make you uncomfortable, and if it does, i think it's more about you than her. In other words, it's more about your changing and understanding, that it is for your daughter. Let us show our children, that are bombarded with advertising, that it is the person and not the picture, that matters to us as parents.
I can completely relate but Ibaded on the other comments, I don't think many others can. My 8 year old daughter chooses her own clothes at the store but when we get them home, she refuses to wear them. She wants to wear old sweat pants and her dads t-shirt everyday. We have terrible arguments about this. I don't want to micromanage her choices but this attire is not appropriate for all occasions and it's infuriating that she wants me to spend money on clothes for her that never get worn while she dresses like a ragamuffin. I feel your pain and welcome suggestions.
My Son goes through the same issues with Clothing.... i feel your pain.... It is stressful and frustrating.... In his case she has something called sensory integration disorder. I would recommend getting her tested for that. They really can't control it. It is the way their brain interprets certain sensations... you can help with Occupational therapy. Good luck.... And hopefully you can find the underlying issue to get it solved...
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