Aa
Concerned Nana
This question is about my 6 year old grandaughter. Both her and her parents live with me. She attends
1st grade at a private school. For the most part we are able to work out discipline problems where she is
concerned as I try very hard to not interfer with their rules. However, there is an issue in which I am not
happy. I take her to school everyday. And her school does the "color" behavior charts green is good,
yellow - not such a good day red - awful behavior. She started school in August and since start of
school she averages about 2 greens a week. In the beginning she did better, but in the last month she
has been bringing home reds almost daily. Her teacher is not a very "warm" person. Isabel is an only child
and pretty much is use to being around adults most of the time and I am the first to admit gets alot of our
attention with 3 adults at home. However, we do not have what I would consider discipline problems where she
is concerned. She's 6 so obiviously she gets her moods and she gets punished or rather grounded when she
does not behave. So its not like we let her get away with anything. However, in school the teacher writes
us notes daily that she is talking when she should not, she is not listening, etc. My concern is that now my
grandaughter is so worried about the color she is going to receive before she even gets to school. She tells me every morning I hope I get green...almost as if she knows she won't get it. In fact, she has never lied and has always been truthful to a fault - she would put her self in time out if she did something wrong. The other day the teacher gave
her yellow and she "changed" the color to green so as to not get in trouble at home. Well the teacher then told
her because you are being dishonest you now get red. My fear is my grandaughter is soon going to feel that she
can never do anything to please this teacher. Or worse that she not do good academically in school. Another day
she got yellow and she proceeded to go into the bathroom to hit her head on the wall - the teacher's answer? GAve
her red for being noisy and behaving. Now I'm not sure the teacher even knew what she was doing - but obviously she did not try to find out or did not care. Because when I asked her what she was doing that is what my grandaughter
told me. I understand she needs to behave, but I do not want her to be so frustrated that she feel she cannot win.
I have asked my son, not to put so much importance on the color chart. The teacher dispite sending her home with
reds and yellows has never even asked for a parent teacher conference. My grandaughter loves school right now but
I'm not sure how much longer this is going to last. I feel the teacher needs to better read my grandaughters needs and I've asked my son and daughter in law to demand a conference with the teacher. To see what where the problem lies - because all of a sudden we are having behavioral problems at school - but not at home? My son thinks she is just not behaving and assumes she is in the wrong not the teacher. My daughter in law sides with me and feels something else is wrong here. Should we assume the teacher is right?
1st grade at a private school. For the most part we are able to work out discipline problems where she is
concerned as I try very hard to not interfer with their rules. However, there is an issue in which I am not
happy. I take her to school everyday. And her school does the "color" behavior charts green is good,
yellow - not such a good day red - awful behavior. She started school in August and since start of
school she averages about 2 greens a week. In the beginning she did better, but in the last month she
has been bringing home reds almost daily. Her teacher is not a very "warm" person. Isabel is an only child
and pretty much is use to being around adults most of the time and I am the first to admit gets alot of our
attention with 3 adults at home. However, we do not have what I would consider discipline problems where she
is concerned. She's 6 so obiviously she gets her moods and she gets punished or rather grounded when she
does not behave. So its not like we let her get away with anything. However, in school the teacher writes
us notes daily that she is talking when she should not, she is not listening, etc. My concern is that now my
grandaughter is so worried about the color she is going to receive before she even gets to school. She tells me every morning I hope I get green...almost as if she knows she won't get it. In fact, she has never lied and has always been truthful to a fault - she would put her self in time out if she did something wrong. The other day the teacher gave
her yellow and she "changed" the color to green so as to not get in trouble at home. Well the teacher then told
her because you are being dishonest you now get red. My fear is my grandaughter is soon going to feel that she
can never do anything to please this teacher. Or worse that she not do good academically in school. Another day
she got yellow and she proceeded to go into the bathroom to hit her head on the wall - the teacher's answer? GAve
her red for being noisy and behaving. Now I'm not sure the teacher even knew what she was doing - but obviously she did not try to find out or did not care. Because when I asked her what she was doing that is what my grandaughter
told me. I understand she needs to behave, but I do not want her to be so frustrated that she feel she cannot win.
I have asked my son, not to put so much importance on the color chart. The teacher dispite sending her home with
reds and yellows has never even asked for a parent teacher conference. My grandaughter loves school right now but
I'm not sure how much longer this is going to last. I feel the teacher needs to better read my grandaughters needs and I've asked my son and daughter in law to demand a conference with the teacher. To see what where the problem lies - because all of a sudden we are having behavioral problems at school - but not at home? My son thinks she is just not behaving and assumes she is in the wrong not the teacher. My daughter in law sides with me and feels something else is wrong here. Should we assume the teacher is right?
lolly, reading your post just irritates me!! It seems clear she doesn't have the goal of getting this child in the green, and making her successful.
Plus, for an educator who is tossing around terms of negative and positive reinforcement, she should look them up. She doesn't even know what negative reinforcement is, and it's nothing relating to punishment or red cards. But whatever.
I think at this point I would send an email to the principal, CC to the teacher, and ask for a meeting so "we can all work together to make __ successful". State that you've already had a first communication with the teacher (and type in the response) and that you would like to pursue a conference to come up with positive solutions. And you're looking forward to __ being more successful in ____ classroom.
Nothing ugly, be completely cooperative, but the principal needs to read what that teacher wrote. GRRR.
Best wishes.
Plus, for an educator who is tossing around terms of negative and positive reinforcement, she should look them up. She doesn't even know what negative reinforcement is, and it's nothing relating to punishment or red cards. But whatever.
I think at this point I would send an email to the principal, CC to the teacher, and ask for a meeting so "we can all work together to make __ successful". State that you've already had a first communication with the teacher (and type in the response) and that you would like to pursue a conference to come up with positive solutions. And you're looking forward to __ being more successful in ____ classroom.
Nothing ugly, be completely cooperative, but the principal needs to read what that teacher wrote. GRRR.
Best wishes.
I really appreciate all the comments so I wanted to give you an update on the situation.
My son did send a request to the teacher for a conference...and her response was/is not very encouraging. He stated they wanted to discuss thier concerns over my grandaughter's behavior in class and discuss how best we can help her do better. He also questioned if this is typical behavior for a 6 year old and is it something that we need to be really concerned with or is it pretty common.
The teacher sent the response that if they wanted to meet that was fine with her, but that my grandaughter just has a problem with negative reinforcment. She goes on to suggest that if at home she was getting positive reinforcement it would balance out.
My concern with this is that she has no clue what my son and daughter in law are and are not doing, she is just assuming that she is not getting positive reinforcement. Quite frankly, the tone of her response made us feel she does not really care. We will be pursuing this further and with the people above her if necessary. This is a private school she attends and we pay very well for her education not to feel satisfied with the quality of care and committment from her teachers.
As for the teacher who said you have worked with lots of parents who don't back the teachers - believe me I can assure you that is not the case. If you knew more about the situation and us you would also know that as well. I believe you are viewing this from a teacher's view and not a parent's.
Either way, I appreciate all your comments as it did motivate my son to look at the situation further. Our goal is to get our grandaughter on track so that she can be a good student. Thanks again!
My son did send a request to the teacher for a conference...and her response was/is not very encouraging. He stated they wanted to discuss thier concerns over my grandaughter's behavior in class and discuss how best we can help her do better. He also questioned if this is typical behavior for a 6 year old and is it something that we need to be really concerned with or is it pretty common.
The teacher sent the response that if they wanted to meet that was fine with her, but that my grandaughter just has a problem with negative reinforcment. She goes on to suggest that if at home she was getting positive reinforcement it would balance out.
My concern with this is that she has no clue what my son and daughter in law are and are not doing, she is just assuming that she is not getting positive reinforcement. Quite frankly, the tone of her response made us feel she does not really care. We will be pursuing this further and with the people above her if necessary. This is a private school she attends and we pay very well for her education not to feel satisfied with the quality of care and committment from her teachers.
As for the teacher who said you have worked with lots of parents who don't back the teachers - believe me I can assure you that is not the case. If you knew more about the situation and us you would also know that as well. I believe you are viewing this from a teacher's view and not a parent's.
Either way, I appreciate all your comments as it did motivate my son to look at the situation further. Our goal is to get our grandaughter on track so that she can be a good student. Thanks again!
baby, the best teachers I know set their goals VERY VERY high- but wouldn't give a child two reds in a row without without raising a BIG red flag with the parents that there is a PROBLEM. A problem that needs to be addressed so the child can again be in the green.
I back teachers, and almost all of my 3 sons teachers have been great. There are some, though, you can watch and see that they are unfair to one or two kids in the class.
That needs to be considered when you hear a story like this. A teacher who gives out a red day after day to a child and doesn't contact a parent - isn't setting goals high.
I back teachers, and almost all of my 3 sons teachers have been great. There are some, though, you can watch and see that they are unfair to one or two kids in the class.
That needs to be considered when you hear a story like this. A teacher who gives out a red day after day to a child and doesn't contact a parent - isn't setting goals high.
this is pointless- you have no clue how many greens she got either- I have worked with every age:
Emotionally Disturbed, Dyslexia,Early Childhood, Library, Special Ed, Autism, Preschool, High School Special Ed. Inclusion- (I created the program)-
and I KNOW if parents don't back the teachers, the child FAILS- and that is all I CARE ABOUT-
set your goals low- see where it gets you-
and that's all I have to say about that!
Emotionally Disturbed, Dyslexia,Early Childhood, Library, Special Ed, Autism, Preschool, High School Special Ed. Inclusion- (I created the program)-
and I KNOW if parents don't back the teachers, the child FAILS- and that is all I CARE ABOUT-
set your goals low- see where it gets you-
and that's all I have to say about that!
Here's why, Baby, I'm not "assuming" the teacher is correcting her because she cares.
Have you ever worked with first graders or near that age? If you give them too many reds in a row, they give up. Teachers know this. If you have a child who routinely deserves a red, first thing you do is try to give them yellows and greens sometimes, because that gets you better behavior. THEN, if you honestly can't give that child a green, it's time to call the parents so you can get support in correcting the child's behavior.
To give a child a red day after day - but not go to the step of calling the parent for an informational conference - when the child is clearly wanting a green - doesn't get anywhere. It doesn't improve behavior, it doesn't make the child strive for a green. It just makes them angry and frustrated. It comes off as mean. Or lazy. Pick one.
I picked mean.
Have you ever worked with first graders or near that age? If you give them too many reds in a row, they give up. Teachers know this. If you have a child who routinely deserves a red, first thing you do is try to give them yellows and greens sometimes, because that gets you better behavior. THEN, if you honestly can't give that child a green, it's time to call the parents so you can get support in correcting the child's behavior.
To give a child a red day after day - but not go to the step of calling the parent for an informational conference - when the child is clearly wanting a green - doesn't get anywhere. It doesn't improve behavior, it doesn't make the child strive for a green. It just makes them angry and frustrated. It comes off as mean. Or lazy. Pick one.
I picked mean.
right well you just proved my point- I also have no idea whether the teacher likes the girl or not. But let's look lat this logically- I correct my child because I love him. I hug and kiss him because I love him. I hug on my preschool babies one thousand more times than I fuss at them. Come to think of it- I rarely fuss. I do a lot of encouraging.
So why aren't we to assume this teacher who is employed by the school is correcting her students because 'she cares' that they improve- the same way you care about your child when you correct him/her. Or do you not like your child when you have to correct them/ no- it is your duty as a good parent to NOT look the other way when your child is breaking a rule-
Why do teachers always have to be the mean one in mom's eyes because their sweetie got fussed at? Sweetie probably gets praised at school a lot.
Same goes for the 2nd grade teacher- if she had a child that hit her head in the bathroom because she was fussed, at she would feel horrible, so would I, but does that mean she never corrects the child again for the rest of the year? That means she basically no longer cares about the child.
So why aren't we to assume this teacher who is employed by the school is correcting her students because 'she cares' that they improve- the same way you care about your child when you correct him/her. Or do you not like your child when you have to correct them/ no- it is your duty as a good parent to NOT look the other way when your child is breaking a rule-
Why do teachers always have to be the mean one in mom's eyes because their sweetie got fussed at? Sweetie probably gets praised at school a lot.
Same goes for the 2nd grade teacher- if she had a child that hit her head in the bathroom because she was fussed, at she would feel horrible, so would I, but does that mean she never corrects the child again for the rest of the year? That means she basically no longer cares about the child.
If you don't have anything helpful to say how about not commenting at all. That was just mean and uncalled for. You have no idea if the teacher likes her or not. And to laugh at someone's legitimate concern is rude.
we used the yellow orange green behavior sheet- the teacher likes her just fine-
she is making her accountable for her behavior-
Every day is a new day- it goes back to green the next day---
how about having the parents and grandparents side with authority? I am sooo laughing hard right now- this kills me- "Maybe the teacher doesn't like her"
she is making her accountable for her behavior-
Every day is a new day- it goes back to green the next day---
how about having the parents and grandparents side with authority? I am sooo laughing hard right now- this kills me- "Maybe the teacher doesn't like her"
Here I am...a second grade teacher....Your daughter in law needs to take the bull by the horns and request a conference with the teacher a soon as possible. Hopefully, the teacher is not picking on her....maybe she has difficulty behaving in school. Some children are like that..at home they are great and in school they show difficulty...and VICE VERSA. You need to ask the teacher to be specific about the actual behaviors your granddaughter is expressing. Your granddaughter is obviously very frustrated and maybe acting out the not getting the green sticker. Ask also for specifics of what she needs to do to get a green one.
There are students in my class who truly try to behave but just can't! I cannot penalize them for that. I just remind them of the correct behavior. I hope the teacher does this also. Sounds like she may be to hard on her. Some little children just can't be so stringent in their behaviors, especially an active child.
So after all this blabbing...start with a conference with the teacher and get specifics...then take it from there. Also, let the teacher know how upset the child is and that it is effecting her terribly. She definitely needs some positive reinforcement!
There are students in my class who truly try to behave but just can't! I cannot penalize them for that. I just remind them of the correct behavior. I hope the teacher does this also. Sounds like she may be to hard on her. Some little children just can't be so stringent in their behaviors, especially an active child.
So after all this blabbing...start with a conference with the teacher and get specifics...then take it from there. Also, let the teacher know how upset the child is and that it is effecting her terribly. She definitely needs some positive reinforcement!
I agree. You might want to switch her to another teacher. Your granddaughter sounds like she's getting frustrated, anxious and even to the point of giving up. You need to watch that. My daughter did that on more than one occasion. She was a very sensitive child and craved the teachers approval. When she didn't get it, she'd withdraw. When she didn't understand something, she'd be afraid to ask the teacher so she wouldn't ask and then do poorly. Then she'd fall so far behind that she'd simply give up.
Just keep an eye on the situation. You don't want her self-esteem damaged from all of this. Give her plenty of praise, assurance and love at home. Ask her how she thinks she can get a green card. Sit down and brainstorm together. See what you all come up with.
Best wishes.
April
Just keep an eye on the situation. You don't want her self-esteem damaged from all of this. Give her plenty of praise, assurance and love at home. Ask her how she thinks she can get a green card. Sit down and brainstorm together. See what you all come up with.
Best wishes.
April
No, don't assume the teacher is right. A child should never say "I hope I get a green" - it should be completely in the hands of the child - and the child should know this - what color they end up with at the end of the day. Of course, occasionally a slip up will occur, but a child who is trying to earn a green should be able to predict what behaviors will get her a green, yellow or red. It should be purposeful. It sounds like she keeps accidentally running afoul of the rules.
Her mother should take control of this, by calling the teacher and asking for a conference. Is your daughter in law connected to other mothers with the school? What kind of reputation does the teacher have?
If the mother goes in with the attitude that the child wants to make greens, and asks what everyone can do to support that - by reiterating rules at home, helping her understand what behaviors are expected, etc., the teacher might be helpful.
Honestly, to me, this sounds like the teacher doesn't like her. I almost never say that because I don't think it happens all that often but this time it does sound possible.
Her mother should take control of this, by calling the teacher and asking for a conference. Is your daughter in law connected to other mothers with the school? What kind of reputation does the teacher have?
If the mother goes in with the attitude that the child wants to make greens, and asks what everyone can do to support that - by reiterating rules at home, helping her understand what behaviors are expected, etc., the teacher might be helpful.
Honestly, to me, this sounds like the teacher doesn't like her. I almost never say that because I don't think it happens all that often but this time it does sound possible.
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