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Avatar universal

Conduct Disorder or Behavior issues

I have a daughter who is now 16. I know she is perhaps a little old for this site, but I wanted to ask this anyways. Recently, she has stolen from me twice but I did not confront her about it. She stole before, when she was in preschool  she took someones paint set but I made her return it the next day. She also once stole a pack of gum from the store. Other than that, she does not steal now. However, she used to cut up her sisters clothes or hide them or break their jewelry when she was mad at them. She was always remorseful it after she did it and that also stopped on its own. she was about 13 when she did this. One last thing. Now when she gets angry at our bird for making a mess, she hits the cage but never the bird. She also held its feathers back a couple of times to see if it could still fly. I know she did not want to hurt it though and I know she cares for it because when it got sick she thought it was going to die and burst into tears. She also once, at age 8, had a pet fish she would used to hold out of the water to play with but as soon as I told her the fish could die if she kept that up she stopped. Other than this, she is shy and very nice and well behaved. Her teachers love her and she has great behavior. I think some of this behavior may be learned from her father. He has anger issues and used to tear my clothes with his hands. Please let me know what you think. I looked at the conduct order symptoms and really dont think she has it, but she used to cut clothes which falls under destroying property. A response on how to handle this and what you think would bring me great peace of mind. Thank you!
28 Responses
Avatar universal
Omg!!!! I am just screeming out!!!! Do you think you can get a diagnosis here? I do not think sandman2  has the appropiate knowleadge to be asked about. Talk to somebody that can guide you well. Talk to her dr. And ask for a referral. I am a sw and even I cannot tell you If your child has a mental disorder. Good luck!!! Ask for help for yourself as well. You need it!!!
134578 tn?1546634665
Does she have anyone to talk to about anger issues?  I mean, a therapist or counselor?  Is one available through school?
189897 tn?1441130118
    Not sure I understand the problem.  Most (or all?) of what you posted is what she used to do.  Kids do things.  Heck, teenage girls are at a very weird age.  But what is she doing now that bothers you?  You said she "does not steal now".
13167 tn?1327197724
So it sounds like she stole from you twice recently but you didn't confront her about it?  Was this money,  or something else?

The other stuff was years ago,  and I'm not sure it's all that out of line for her age.
3149845 tn?1506631371
When you mention she most likely learned ripping thing from the father your correct as most of our behavior is learned from the immediately family members. For this i would suggest having the father talk with her and that he was wrong if showing this type of behavior and say hes sorry. A parent saying their sorry to a child can have a very positive influence.
For the stealing, this is also very common and we all do it in one form or another. Weather is tax retuns or using store coupons ment for another product.

Stealing means we need money so maybe set her up with a allowance for doing things around the house.

As for animals, empathy comes with age as the longer we are alive the more our concern for other living things grows.
Avatar universal
Thanks for this. I dont think she has a problem with empathy at all though, but do you think what she did was animal cruelty?
Avatar universal
You mean the cutting clothes? She only did it a couple times to get pay back at her sister, thank God she stopped. Do you think everything I mentioned is all normal behavior and just her growing up?
Avatar universal
Yes she can. She is better now and this was in the past but I was just concerned about the past behavior because I read about conduct disorder and know the symptoms are destroying property, cruelty to animals and stealing. I am not sure if what she did is considered cruelty to animals or not and none of these things were done within the same year either.
Avatar universal
Yes this was all in the past but I just wanted to make sure she doesnt do things like this again and that she didnt have conduct disorder because I know children that have this grow up with antisocial disorder.
Avatar universal
Oh and yes it was money that she stole. She stole paint and gum as a toddler before that, but Im sure a lot of children do that.
189897 tn?1441130118
   Conduct disorder does not stop and start.  If she has it, I really believe that you and everybody around her would know it.   But here is more info:
        Oppositional Defiant Disorder is defined by aggressiveness and a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others. While it is true that anybody can be aggressive and irritating from time to time, to be diagnosed as ODD, a person must display a pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least six months.

What are the symptoms of ODD?

A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following are present:

    often loses temper
    often argues with adults
    often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
    often deliberately annoys people
    often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
    is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
    is often angry and resentful
    is often spiteful or vindictive

Note : Consider a criterion met only if the behavior occurs more frequently than is typically observed in individuals of comparable age and developmental level.

The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.

The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of a Psychotic or Mood Disorder (such as depression).

       from: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/587.html
Avatar universal
Wow thank you! This really helped. I emailed a psychiatrist and of course they said they can't give any info over the phone or email and that she would need to come in. They scared me thought because they said my concerns were valid and that I should bring her in. She is a good kid other than what I mentioned. Do you think what she did is considered animal cruelty?
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