Omg!!!! I am just screeming out!!!! Do you think you can get a diagnosis here? I do not think sandman2 has the appropiate knowleadge to be asked about. Talk to somebody that can guide you well. Talk to her dr. And ask for a referral. I am a sw and even I cannot tell you If your child has a mental disorder. Good luck!!! Ask for help for yourself as well. You need it!!!
Does she have anyone to talk to about anger issues? I mean, a therapist or counselor? Is one available through school?
Not sure I understand the problem. Most (or all?) of what you posted is what she used to do. Kids do things. Heck, teenage girls are at a very weird age. But what is she doing now that bothers you? You said she "does not steal now".
So it sounds like she stole from you twice recently but you didn't confront her about it? Was this money, or something else?
The other stuff was years ago, and I'm not sure it's all that out of line for her age.
When you mention she most likely learned ripping thing from the father your correct as most of our behavior is learned from the immediately family members. For this i would suggest having the father talk with her and that he was wrong if showing this type of behavior and say hes sorry. A parent saying their sorry to a child can have a very positive influence.
For the stealing, this is also very common and we all do it in one form or another. Weather is tax retuns or using store coupons ment for another product.
Stealing means we need money so maybe set her up with a allowance for doing things around the house.
As for animals, empathy comes with age as the longer we are alive the more our concern for other living things grows.
Thanks for this. I dont think she has a problem with empathy at all though, but do you think what she did was animal cruelty?
You mean the cutting clothes? She only did it a couple times to get pay back at her sister, thank God she stopped. Do you think everything I mentioned is all normal behavior and just her growing up?
Yes she can. She is better now and this was in the past but I was just concerned about the past behavior because I read about conduct disorder and know the symptoms are destroying property, cruelty to animals and stealing. I am not sure if what she did is considered cruelty to animals or not and none of these things were done within the same year either.
Yes this was all in the past but I just wanted to make sure she doesnt do things like this again and that she didnt have conduct disorder because I know children that have this grow up with antisocial disorder.
Oh and yes it was money that she stole. She stole paint and gum as a toddler before that, but Im sure a lot of children do that.
Conduct disorder does not stop and start. If she has it, I really believe that you and everybody around her would know it. But here is more info:
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is defined by aggressiveness and a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others. While it is true that anybody can be aggressive and irritating from time to time, to be diagnosed as ODD, a person must display a pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least six months.
What are the symptoms of ODD?
A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following are present:
often loses temper
often argues with adults
often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
often deliberately annoys people
often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
is often angry and resentful
is often spiteful or vindictive
Note : Consider a criterion met only if the behavior occurs more frequently than is typically observed in individuals of comparable age and developmental level.
The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.
The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of a Psychotic or Mood Disorder (such as depression).
Wow thank you! This really helped. I emailed a psychiatrist and of course they said they can't give any info over the phone or email and that she would need to come in. They scared me thought because they said my concerns were valid and that I should bring her in. She is a good kid other than what I mentioned. Do you think what she did is considered animal cruelty?
Not animal cruelty, but an ignorance of what a startle reaction could do to a caged animal (hopefully). Ask her what the bird does when she hits the cage. and if she thinks the bird might hurt itself. For that matter, if she had a daughter, would she hit the child if she messed in her pants? Give her another way to express her madness and explain that what she wants is a change in behavior. Birds can be trained.
You've been a great help. She is usually so sweet with it, she's the one who reminds me to go out and get it food and stuff. I wish I didn't ask the psychiatrists, all of their answers are always negative. Thank you for being positive and helpful! Do you have a background in psychology?
You've received great answers.
The only thing I would add is that you have to address any bad behavior (ie stealing) immediately after it happens (or after you discover it). She's old enough to know that stealing is 100% NOT okay, so she needs to face consequences for that. Some teens will steal for the thrill, to see what they can get away with, it's not always because they need the money (or the item they have taken).
Good luck with your daughter, she sounds about as "normal" as they come...and I use that term loosely, lol. I have a 16 year old daughter, and there's not much NORMAL about her. In a teen context, she's as normal as the day is long though.
Teenagers certainly can give us gray hair huh? Take care.
Just a lot of time working with kids, and, of course, this forum. You can check out my profile by clicking on my name. Thanks for the kind words.
Yes they sure can! It's just that all of these psychiatrists talk scare me sometimes and they want you to get kids help for every little thing or they might become criminals as they're older. I just hate that they scare people so much
Sorry I forgot to ask about what you meant by she didn't do anything that was considered animal cruelty just ignorance of what startling the animal would do, you said hopefully. Did you mean hopefully this was not considered animal cruelty?
No, I meant, "ignorance of what a startle reaction could do to a caged animal (hopefully)." If she were aware of the startle reaction and kept doing it, then that would/could be animal cruelty. Most kids/teens don't think beyond the "now" and are not real good at seeing cause and effect.
Oh okay now i understand! I emailed the psychiatrist about everything I said in her a couple days ago and she said my concerns were valid. However I think I'm going to just try it my way rather than that of a shrink because everyone on here is saying that everything is okay and I believe so too.
Sounds good. Happy Holidays!
I am not sure you read ALL the posts. I did not make a diagnosis here. We normally don't make diagnosis as while we have a lot of experience on this site, we are not all medical practitioners (some are). I gave a quote on what is considered to be conduct disorder. She does not meet any of that criteria. I also suggested several ways that she might be able to help her daughter.
I do agree with you that talking to a doctor is better then emailing one (unless you have a special relationship with one).
And, I might also add that after many years and thousands of posts on this forum, I do have knowledge that is appropriate (at least in my opinion).