Conduct Disorder or Behavior issues

[2confused2014]

Hello,
I have a daughter who is now 16. I know she is perhaps a little old for this site, but I wanted to ask this anyways. Recently, she has stolen from me twice but I did not confront her about it. She stole before, when she was in preschool  she took someones paint set but I made her return it the next day. She also once stole a pack of gum from the store. Other than that, she does not steal now. However, she used to cut up her sisters clothes or hide them or break their jewelry when she was mad at them. She was always remorseful it after she did it and that also stopped on its own. she was about 13 when she did this. One last thing. Now when she gets angry at our bird for making a mess, she hits the cage but never the bird. She also held its feathers back a couple of times to see if it could still fly. I know she did not want to hurt it though and I know she cares for it because when it got sick she thought it was going to die and burst into tears. She also once, at age 8, had a pet fish she would used to hold out of the water to play with but as soon as I told her the fish could die if she kept that up she stopped. Other than this, she is shy and very nice and well behaved. Her teachers love her and she has great behavior. I think some of this behavior may be learned from her father. He has anger issues and used to tear my clothes with his hands. Please let me know what you think. I looked at the conduct order symptoms and really dont think she has it, but she used to cut clothes which falls under destroying property. A response on how to handle this and what you think would bring me great peace of mind. Thank you!

[2confused2014]

Yes they sure can! It's just that all of these psychiatrists talk scare me sometimes and they want you to get kids help for every little thing or they might become criminals as they're older. I just hate that they scare people so much

[Sandman2]

   Just a lot of time working with kids, and, of course, this forum.  You can check out my profile by clicking on my name.  Thanks for the kind words.

[nursegirl6572]

You've received great answers.

The only thing I would add is that you have to address any bad behavior (ie stealing) immediately after it happens (or after you discover it).  She's old enough to know that stealing is 100% NOT okay, so she needs to face consequences for that.  Some teens will steal for the thrill, to see what they can get away with, it's not always because they need the money (or the item they have taken).

Good luck with your daughter, she sounds about as "normal" as they come...and I use that term loosely, lol.  I have a 16 year old daughter, and there's not much NORMAL about her.  In a teen context, she's as normal as the day is long though.

Teenagers certainly can give us gray hair huh?  Take care.

[2confused2014]

You've been a great help. She is usually so sweet with it, she's the one who reminds me to go out and get it food and stuff. I wish I didn't ask the psychiatrists, all of their answers are always negative. Thank you for being positive and helpful! Do you have a background in psychology?

[Sandman2]

      Not animal cruelty, but an ignorance of what a startle reaction could do to a caged animal (hopefully).   Ask her what the bird does when she hits the cage.  and if she thinks the bird might hurt itself.   For that matter, if she had a daughter, would she hit the child if she messed in her pants?  Give her another way to express her madness and explain that what she wants is a change in behavior.  Birds can be trained.  

[2confused2014]

Wow thank you! This really helped. I emailed a psychiatrist and of course they said they can't give any info over the phone or email and that she would need to come in. They scared me thought because they said my concerns were valid and that I should bring her in. She is a good kid other than what I mentioned. Do you think what she did is considered animal cruelty?