Behavioral problems at Daycare/Preshcool

[Jenj26]

I have a son who is 4yrs old.  He attends daycare/preschool full time. His school recently started a "sticker board" for good behavior which has been going on now for about 4 weeks.  To this day my son has no stickers.  I asked the teacher what seems to be the problem with my sons behavior. (until this time absoloutly nothing has been brought to my attention) They said that his behavior/listening is very bad.  They indicated that this behavior started when another little boy joined the same room that he is in.  She said that they always have to play together, and always seem to get into arguments.  She said that they "feed on each other" , whatever that means.  They try to keep them apart, but my sons behavior continues to be bad.  I have had talks with my son indicating that he needs to listen to his teacher and stressed how important it is.  I also advised that he play with other children for a change.  He seemed to understand this, and even acknowledged the next day what his intentions were.  He still continues to have poor behavior.  I started a listening chart at out house which I give my son a sticker to place on chart whenever he shows good listening skills.  Recently, his teacher informed me that one day that his behavior was bad, they told him if he did not listen, he would not get a sticker.  My son replied, "I don't care, I will just get one at home!"  So, it appears that this backfired somewhat.

He is a very sweet boy, and is kind to others. Again, if I had not mentioned anything to the teacher, I may not have found this out. This seems to just really be a problem at daycare.  His listening is good for the most part at home( he is the only child), even though I have to cue him once in a while to pay attention.  However, when he is around other kids he tends to act kind of wild and crazy, and not listen.  I am wondering if this is what it is like at school as well.

Is this normal for his age?? Do you have any suggestions for dicipline if his behavior continues to be bad at school??  I really want to take care of this problem before he starts Kindergarten next year. Thanks.

[2boysmom1boysaunt]

I have a 3 year-old who was acting the same way at pre-school.  He was clinging to me at drop-off (which he had not done before).  The last straw was when he laid on the floor in our living room kicking and screaming that he didn't want to go to school.  When I talked to the teacher (she had not told me what was going on either!!!), she said that there was another boy who was bullying my son and that she was surprised that he (my son) was not fighting back.  Her solution was to separate them also!  I didn't see how this would work since they were both 3 year-old boys who liked to play in the same areas (blocks/trucks).
I had volunteered in the class in the fall and noticed that this other boy would kind of stand back while the other kids were playing and then destroy their block tower or their road they had built.  The teacher had been out on maternity leave from end of Oct through Xmas break.  These problems didn't start until she came back!  My assessment of the situation was that the substitute teachers had required more structure in their day and the original teacher just sat down while the kids had free play for an hour!  I took my son out of that school and he is now in a wonderful pre-school with a much more involved and upbeat teacher.  He was not even close to potty training and was beginning to have some bad behavior at home before I took him out.  Within 2 weeks of starting the new school, he was completely potty trained (both pee and poo!!) and was his usual happy self again.  Hope this helps you in some way!!

[peachrose]

If the teacher says that his behavior is bad ask her to be more specific. What she sees as bad may not be what you see as bad and your child may not realize that he is being "bad".  Children are not "bad" but sometimes their behavior is. Make sure that no one is calling him bad because we tend to become what people think we are. Also, ask the teacher to look for what is happening before the "bad" behavior starts.  That is called the antecedent. There is always one. If she can change the antecedent, the behavior most likely will not happen. If she feels the behavior is happening "all" the time, have her track it to seen when it is happening.  Are the children tired, are they hungry, is it free play time when there is less structure? You can find out this information then role play with your child so that he knows exactly what to do when the situation arises in school. Believe in him.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's fair to say that many pre-schoolers become stimulated when they are in the presence of a number of peers, and when this happens they are more likely to behave in a disorganized manner. For the school's part, if your son and his friend behave problematically when in each other's company, they should simply be separated. Problematic behavior should be addressed by more than simply not receiving a sticker. This sort of behavioral plan, relying on the incentive of the sticker, and intended to reward (and therefore encourage) the desired behavior, is sound as far as it goes. But it needs to be accompanied (at home as well as in school) by use of time out for violation of rules. At home, if your son does not do what he is told, he should be placed in time out for approximately five minutes. Do not allow yourself to get into a habit of repeating a direction more than once. If, after the initial direction and one repeat, your son does not do as he was told, institute the time out. You'll notice that this will enhance compliance more effectively than the incentive plan alone.

[Brendan_4127]

Well id say most of it sounds fairly normal for someone in hes age group, As a child-care worker i see this sorta thing every once in a while myself. Not much you can do, the fact that hes an only child would be a good reason for hes behaviour.

You could try see'ing if you can get your son seperated from the new kid, and with someone else in the class he might take a liking to - and someone who will of course show him that mucking around isint on when it comes to Listening etc.

At home, id recommend taking down the Sticker program and while your at it, let him know why - he' not following the same practise at school and thats not on..
Hopefully this will teach him what he has to do.. if not, discuss it with the teacher at daycare, tell her what you've done and what the result was.. and maybe see if you can push for the sticker chart to be taken down as its a bit too.. whats the word.. competitive? for there age group