I have to call ********. Parents want all the sympathy for themselves. If you are saying you had no clue please spare me your pity party. You just looked the other way, admit it!!!!!
We have decided to split the family up for an unknown time. I would not be able to take giving up one of my kids, that pretty much in my eyes means, I failed as a father. Merging two families was going to be difficult at best. With the death of my two girls mother a week before my last child was born was a set up for disaster. My 9 year old is with her grand parents on her mother's side till I move us into an apartment down the block. She will stay in therapy and we just have to pray that things will work out in time. I am hoping she will see that dad loves her and was not trying to replace her. Though a massive strain will be put on me and my wife, the children have to come first. All of them have had a lot of stress because of this situation. They need time to heal from her too. We just don't know what else to do. We have run out of options.
I don't want any of my kids to hurt inside any longer. I hope my therapist can keep me level enough not to resent my 9 year old, though her forcing me into this position will change our relationship forever. She is no longer my baby girl. I will miss her, and have to learn to live with who she is now.
Maybe one day she will realize what we lost.
United We Stand, Divided We Fall... I never took time to realize what that meant. I do now. I pray our family will heal.. Its time I let go, and let God.
Dad of 5 kids,
I'm not sure if it's the same in the US, but there are circumstances where, if a parent feels a child is a danger to other children or the family, you actually can give the child up into foster care, although typically a group home with kids dealing with similar issues is more likely. If you feel your child is a danger, then your next move is to contact child protective services. They may be able to intervene and help.
I also might suggest a different therapist. As RR said, knowing the background, it is hard to imagine them being "fooled". Videotaping is a good idea, but it really shouldn't be necessary. Reaching out for help with a thorough explanation of the issue should be enough. Like any other profession you have the good and the bad, so keep trying. Your story brought tears to my eyes, and I wish you well.
oops, getting therapists to believe YOU, not her.
Dad, have you considered the advice of videotaping her? All it would actually take is an audio tape, that can be done with a video recorder stuck under a bed or something, in the "on" position. I think you can record about 6 hours at a time.
BTW, I don't know what advice your therapist gave you, but it's typical that a child in behavior modification will get worse at first, testing the limits. That's pretty typical.
Are you willing to say what the therapy is that's not working?
BTW, I don't think you can just "give" your child to foster care. Kids end up in Foster care when their parents are charged with the crime of abuse or neglect. There are inpatient facilities that you can pay for but it sounds like you first have to cross the hurdle of getting therapists to believe her.
I wish I could see these interactions. Therapists, as a whole, are pretty hard to fool with tears and sweetness.
Getting the 9 year old out of your house was the best thing you could do. They have programs with Foster Theraputic Familys, where people with training take a child for a school year to help the child have a stuctured environment and work thru emotional problems etc.. As a father, your priority has to be to your other children. The 9 year old may not be able to be helped. Think of things as they concern "the family" and not just the one child. You love them all equally, but how can you help the "MOST".
I can't prove anything just the word of my 5 year old and her admitting to doing it afterword. Will she do the unspeakable I dont know. As her father I wouldnt ever like to think so. As a father of 5. Cant take the chance. Her therapist has given us horrible advise making her anger worse. I have separated my family until I can get her to a real hospital with residential services is my only option at this point. But I have to go though her know it all therapist who just tells me she has heard much worse, and New Vistas told me unless she does something horrific its not that bad. If she does that means its too late in my eyes. Abandoning my child or sending her to foster care isnt the right thing. Finding the help she needs is what I have to do. Its becoming impossible to get it for her because she deceives everyone I take her to, and every time I do she gets better at it either with tears or charm. Then when she gets home its Hyde again.
Just getting very tired of the run around and sad cause there are places but I am getting the feeling her therapist rather see another chalk mark of completed on her record then admitting my daughter needs more help then she can give.
Dad, is there a chance that this isn't true, or at least isn't true to the extent she is saying? I can see with the older child, maybe she wouldn't cry out, but a baby would cry out.
The scene you describe just sounds kind of unbelievable. The baby is happy, and then suddenly the baby is screaming. After having been hurt enough to leave bruises that you now realize Katrina caused, but at the time you thought maybe the baby got them crawling. You go to the bathroom and the baby is fine, and then the baby starts screaming and isn't comforted by seeing you when you return - so the baby hasn't been crying for you, but for a different reason?
Do you see what I'm saying? I'll say this - stepmoms are usually VERY quick to accuse stepchildren of harming their own babies. For your wife to not suspect this - is it possible it really wasn't happening as often as Katrina wants you to believe?
Best wishes.
There is no way that your family would be better without you! You have found out now and are there to help her and your other children. You have not failed and you have done the best you can. She is very angry and sometimes this just happens. You did get her out! Thank goodness. Now she needs you again to help with all that is happening. It is a cry for help or she could have done what she is doing and you might not have known until much later. You have a chance to continue to help her. She is young and video taping her and then showing the dr. what she is doing and what she is saying can only help all of you. Hang in there! Your family needs you. Mums the word, she sounds smart so video tape by hiding it. Keep us updated. Video tape you and her talking also. Keep us updated.
There is plenty of guilt to go around, enough to even doubt myself as a father. When I found out what was happening the first thing I asked was when, how could this happen right under our nose? She replied sharply and coldly. "Any chance I got, when you or Kristen went to the bathroom, making dinner, when Holly was in the high chair eating. Loading in groceries. When ever you were not looking I did it!" With neither of them having any cuts or massive bruises we attributed it to a baby just learning to crawl, and the 5 year old has always been active, and very loving and full of excitement. These are not signs of continued abuse or am I just a complete failure of a father? I really need to know because if I am them my children will be better off with out me.
I completely agree with Ku, you need videotape and it's super easy to do secretly.
It sounds like you've been through a lot of trauma, and I don't want to add to that, but I think you really need to hear this warning. The amount of physical trauma your baby has suffered will be perceived by CPS as a very serious lack of supervision in your home. That this was happening between the two older girls is a little easier to understand, but that no one noticed until being told by a sibling that Katrina's been beating the baby for more than a year will be a real concern. That may be a factor in why Katrina's therapist is unbelieving - to have that level of torment of a baby going on in a home and with neither parent ever hearing or seeing it, it becomes hard to believe.
Best wishes. Katrina herself may not remember all the abuse she suffered at the hands of boyfriends - this sounds like serious need for long term therapy.
Although our problems are not the same, a RN gave me some advice and maybe it will help you if I pass it along. She told me to video tape and then show the dr. what we have recorded. I am so sorry this is happening. I can't imagine the pain and fear you must have for all involved. Your daughter sounds like she is very angy and I am not sure what all has happened to her and she might not either at this point. She is definately crying for help. Hang in there. Try video taping when she does not know and showing what is going on. She needs help. You are right, why must it get so drastic to get help. I don't know. Keep going until you get her help. This is the best for all of you. Bless her heart and bless all of yours. I am wishing you all the very best.