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5174041 tn?1364954731

Does anyone have a child with ODD and how do you cope?

My oldest of four is almost 6 years old and has not officially been diagnosed with ODD***(Oppositional Defiant Disorder: often loses his/her temper
often argues with adults
often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
often deliberately annoys people
often blames others for his/her mistakes or misbehavior
is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
is often angry and resentful
is often spiteful or vindictive
misbehaves
swears or uses obscene language
has a low opinion of him/herself)*** but I am almost certain. I've read so many stories from other parents and it seems like each case is different in it's own way. My son displays no such behavior at school or other ppls homes. His issue is always with me no matter what the circumstances. He is constantly trying to get under my skin and if he gets in trouble he will smirk as if he is amused b/c in his eyes if i'm upset then he has "won". He is so minipulative it scares me what he might be like when he gets older. He is a bully to his siblings very badly..always has been since he became a big brother. When he was an infant he did not bond, he wanted space and to be left alone. As soon as he was sitting he was always the bully around other babies as well - not normal baby play but excessive. To highlight the behavior I deal with...constant arguing - constant lying -- constant blaming - being rude - being mean and agressive with people and animals as well - i cannot play with him b/c i get hurt every time i try to --he is excessivly strong for his age - he does not feel bad for anything - person/animal it doesn't matter, he is incapable of feeling sorry or feeling bad if someone is hurt  -- he will do things like urinate on something to see how long it takes me to realize he's doing it..once he broke a picture frame then used the broken glass to cut his mattress of his bed. This past weekend at Easter he acted as he does normally at family outings..he glared at us and if anyone spoke to him he looked mad and ignored them. The other kids/cousins when trying to play with him he screamed at them to knock it off and leave them alone. He's basically a mean hearted boy who enjoys making me miserable. He is humored by it. His teachers or aunts - doesn't matter who thinks i am crazy if i mention this b/c he's sooo perfect everywhere else. What they don't know is that's part of his minipulation. He tells me "I'm good at school" with a roll of the eyes if i ask him why he's being naughty. And if i ask him about his day or give him any type of attention he ignores me. He basically ignores everything i say and if i ask him why he just says i don't know very monotone like he doesn't even care that i'm trying to ask him something. This issue has prevented us from having the happy loving times we try to have with our kids. And my other three aged 3,2,1 all have suffered from this as well b/c of being picked on ect. looking for someone who relates...and what your ideas might be. Thanks
25 Responses
3136223 tn?1367964316
It also sounds like he may be a sociopath. Here's an article I found.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/sociopathic-tendencies-in-children.html
5174041 tn?1364954731
Thanks for the response...not that I like the thought of that :( ....my dad fits the symptoms of being a sociopath and my son walks talks and acts just like his "favorite grandpa" ...of whom i've stopped letting see him. But this is genentically dispositioned so how is there any way to help him?

At first I thought I was doing soemthing wrong...when he was little and didn't bond and was just..nuts so to speak but after having other children i was able to see there is such a huge difference between him and the other 3 ...and its evident from the start. I bonded with my babies ...my 3 youngest are sweet normal children and idk what to even think
3136223 tn?1367964316
I don't blame you for not liking that answer. I wouldn't like it either. Is there a possibility that he's jealous of his younger siblings? Is his father involved in his life at all? I ask only because children tend to "act out" when a parent is no longer in their life 24/7 (I should know, my parents divorced when I was 4 years old and I never really had a relationship with my father, now that I'm 23, I still don't).

Is there anyone who can watch the 3 little ones while you do something special with him? Maybe he feels that he isn't getting enough positive attention...then again, children crave attention, whether is negative or positive.

Your best bet would to schedule an appointment with his doctor or a child therapist. Of course, they would be able to give you more of a "diagnosis" and/or suggestions.
5174041 tn?1364954731
Yes, daddy is in the picture :) We are married and very involved with the kids. I don't think he is jelous..has been of course but I am posotve that's not the answer. Times I do try do things with just him it fails. I went to school for build a birdhouse day with him and as all the other kids were excited about their parent being there he goes with a sneer "can you just leave now?" which brought me to tears ..and made me feel like never doing anything with him again. I also brought him out deer hunting with me this year, just us two in the stand. I figured we wouldn't see anything but he wants to deer hunt like daddy so we got a sitter for the other 3 to give him some alone time and attention and it was terrible..terrible behavior..rude..and i regretted it b/c inevitably it made me feel worse. No matter how much good a ttention we give him it never helps and he doesn't even seem to care or notice. I do not understand it at all. I compliment him and try so hard and it's so weird. two weeks ago we took the kids to the water park as a spur the moment thing after school and my hubby and i were in the hot tub and Rease was sitting on the edge kicking water at me and glaring at me.. it was not a splash and fun thing he was trying to see how long it'd take before i got angry. After driving 45 miles to do something nice for him/them and that's what i got almost the entire time. And just yesterday i was wrestling on the floor with the kids and he was trying to play with me and actually being not so agressive and more gentle but then he grabs this wand toy he bought at the schools book fair and slowly rubs it over my boobs again glaring at me...awkward..and i didn't notice right away b/c my other kids were jumping on me and it took a minute to process what was moving across over my head and i look and he was doing as said above. But then alot of times it seems like he's normal..til things like this happen and it really takes away from who i am and the kind of m other i want to be and that sounds bad but it's so frusterating and confusing
3136223 tn?1367964316
that it is... you might want to take him to a therapist or something... they usually have "child friendly" rooms where they can make young children more comfortable. they may or may not ask you to leave the room just because some children tend to open up more when their parents aren't around.

on another note, i just realized you commented on my post about my 2 year old "step" son lol. he does the same thing... he'll poke my boob and say "boobs", giggle and try to do it again... it's quite awkward. but then again, he's still little.
189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
   AshleyJean may have a good point.  How do you know he is not jealous?Think about it.  For his first 3 years he had your undivided attention.  Then a new attention getter every year.  You would have to be super human to have 2 or 3 new kids around and still be able to give him the same attention he once got.  And at least part of what he is doing does sound like he has learned that the only way to get your attention is by doing negative things.
    On the other hand, you say he is not like that at all in school.  Really?  I would spend some time talking with his teachers about him.  Get there opinion about him compared to other kids.   In particular ask how he plays with other kids.   Its an extremely rare child that can be so different in school then home - unless, home is what is the problem.  And by that I mean, the whole attention getting thing.  By the way, this is not unusual. I've seen that problem posted here before many times.
   So what do you do?  Make sure he is really different at school. If he is or even if not I would make sure that you read to him every night before bed.  Its important to do anyway.  And I would start with some of the books from theWay I Feel series found, like "When I feel Angry"  - found herehttp://www.amazon.com/When-Feel-Angry-The-Books/dp/0807588970/ref=pd_sim_b_3
   And lots of other good examples listed on that link.
    Point being that I would try giving him daily attention.  Don't expect miracles the first week or two.  Ignore the negative stuff.  Ignore the "glares".  You can't expect a child of this age to say "thanks for paying attention to me."  They just don't work that way.   If what he has is a learned behavior from several years of being the odd person out - changes will not happen overnight.
    Finally, I am curious about his earlier behavior.  Wanting his own space etc.  Is he at all hyper?  Is he sensitive to touch, foods, clothes, or sounds?  Does he make eye contact at home/school?  At home, how does he amuse himself?
13167 tn?1327197724
I don't know what to think.  I do know a boy - who was adopted at birth by a very loving couple - who has a very love/hate relationship with his mother.  He is crazy about her but treats her like absolute dirt.  And as he grew older treated her like a girlfriend/man of the house although there already was a man of the house.  But interestingly,  everyone saw it.  No one was blinded to it.

I'm so curious as to why your family doesn't see this and agree with you about his behavior,  especially since they had front and center seats to it during Easter weekend.

I will say,  there are kids who somehow manage to behave very very well in school but are terrors outside school.  

I wish you the best.  I'm just not understanding why your family doesn't agree with your assessment of him.  when they witness it.  It's usually the exact opposite - extended family is all concerned about a child's behavior but mom is unaware/unwilling to acknowledge it.
5174041 tn?1364954731
The family I talk about over easter is my family in law who have never accepted me into their family. If i say anything about the issues I deal with they sneer at me and say he acts like a normal child. Truthfully none of them have spent enough time with him to actually know him and the worst of his behavior only ever happens at home. Thanks for the imput dear
5174041 tn?1364954731
Thanks for the response again, therepist is probably the only solution..it's just trying to make the time considering it'd be a two hour round trip each time :/
5174041 tn?1364954731
He does get attention just of his own...of course not like it was when he was an only child for his first 21 months. And with the book reading suggestion --he has a book report that is done every single night just with him in which he brings a new book home from school and we read it and do a small report which he loves. ...i've never understood him and it really eats at me. Alot of times when given attention -- good attention he ignores it or gives me dirty looks. When our second child was born he threw his toys at her, constantly. I could never leave her on the floor or in the basinett crib playpen...anywhere ..i had to be in the same room b/c he was a danger to her. She was 21 months when my 3rd was born and she wanated to hold the baby and be loving and so did my 3rd when my 4th was born...rease has never once been loving or affectionate to anyone. When we have family gatherings he usually disappears with his 17 cousins to play so adult family members aren't around him much if at all. My husband thinks it'lll pass and I should just ignore it. I don't know how to do that when most of his bad behavior is triggered at me. Then when i am constantly getting after him b/c he pushes the baby or hits his little 2 year old brother or punches his 3 year old sister in the stomach..always for nothing. I truly wonder what our life could be like if this wasn't such an obstacle :(
5174041 tn?1364954731
I should add...though I'm not confortable with it but it's possibly a big part of the problem....my husband had agression issues in the past...Rease was the only one exposed to it (not child abuse - but spouse abuse towards me) ..He has gotten help and is currently doing anger classes. Rease looks up to him sooo much so I ask him to help teach him right from wrong and explain and he tries but that doesn't seem to help either.
13167 tn?1327197724
That explains a LOT,  ashley.
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