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1216782 tn?1266509063

Does my 3 yr old have ADHD?

     My oldest daughter-my first of two blessings....and on most days my whirlwind of misbehavior.She's always been mommy's girl, and recently I feel like she's a complete stranger. She doesn't seem like a typical three year old. Even my grandmother who raised me... raise many, many children says she's beyond any typical child behavior-when I consulted her about the siutation. I thought maybe it's just how three year old's are-but she insists that none of the kids she's raised have ever taken it to the extent that Shaelyanna does. Even when my husband and I communicate, stick together, and use practical punishment it doesn't work. I've watch numerous super nanny shows, as weird as that sounds... and none of her advice seems to help me.
     She's VERY intelligent, beyond her age. I know every mother thinks that, but I was enrolled in parents as teachers. This program can test your child at regular intervals to make sure they are mentally developing at a normal rate.... that you're doing your part as a mom to teach them the essentials. It's completely voluntary to be involved with this program, but even as a young mother I've always felt like you should begin your child's education as soon as possible, even reading to her in the womb. And she's always scored well beyond other children her age. She speaks like a 5 year old, not a 3 year old. The way she speaks and understands things constantly surprise everyone around her. But then, it's overshadowed by her lack of respect for anyone or anything. I don't know that her mind is beyond it's years.... or if the other children around here just have parents that never work with them or care about their mental development. I'm here because I'm concerned and need advice.
     While she's incredibly bright, she's also very standoffish. She takes things to the extreme, even constantly talking bad to you while she's in time out. She speaks to me like she's already a friggin teenager. She tells me to leave her alone, to be quiet, to stop when I'm telling her what she's doing wrong. She pushes, she cusses sometimes.... she lies. And I believe she does KNOW and comprehend that she's lying to avoid trouble. She knows she's doing wrong. She doesn't much slap or hit, as much as push you if you walk by her. If you're trying to explain something to her she yells at you, saying, "OKAY MOM! FINE!"... she's is CONSTANTLY on the go. From one thing that she very well knows she SHOULD NOT have, to the next. She has the understanding that she shouldn't do these things, yet she does them anyway. She's on 24/7 and has problems going to sleep at night. Even when you create the proper bedtime situation. I suspect that she has ADHD. It does run in my husband's side of the family.. and my younger half brother has it as well... he's in prison at the age of 18 for 8 years. It worries me... that she's three and I feel like no matter what I do I can't control any situation with her. I don't really know how to make anyone understand. And I know she doesn't feel abandoned or anything because her father and I have always loved one another, been married, lived together, support her and her 2 month old sister on our own. We don't sponge off parents or other loved ones,we're completely independent and have always been. To me, she has a childhood that some 35 year olds can't provide for their children. We're good, loving, hard working parents, although we're only 21 and 23. We provide everything the babies need and more. They've never hurt or wanted for anything, especially their parents. We stay home without fail anytime we're not working. We spend ALL our time with them. If we go somewhere, they go with. We don't get babysitters or push the babies off on someone else. We have our children with US 24/7. So.... it can't be us, can it? We love both our children.... but I need advice on what to do. How do I handle a child that seems to be without any sense of behaving properly?

Even as a baby she was a very uptight, fussy, easily overstimulated baby. And my second child is her complete opposite. Very laid back and happy. Is this adhd??
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
Hi!  You sound like a loving and caring mother doing a great job, so don't worry about that!!  Kids are unique and have their own personalities and challenges that can have nothing to do with parenting.  

I do not know if your daughter has add/adhd.  There may be some symptoms of it in your description but it is so hard to say with a child so young.  In our area, doctors don't like to diagnose add/adhd until a child is at least 6 years old because of so much variability in young children.  Impulse control, for example, is often lacking in the younger set.  Whether she has a delay or not, time will tell.  I have a child with sensory integration disorder and one that does not.  Sometimes it is a fine line between their behavior---------  LOL.  But there were signs that were definate as time went on.  One thing that helped me distinguish that there was a problem was enrolling my son in a preschool program.  He went one half day a week when he was 2 to 3 and then two half days a week when he was 3 to 4.  It was helpful because he could be with his peers and I had an experience teacher observe how he behaved/acted/ interacted, etc.  I don't know if this is an option for you but we found it really helpful.

I would give her many outlets for her energy.  Go go go with her.  Go to an indoor pool and swim, run around a gym or playground, crash into pillows at home, etc.  Get as much physical activity in as possible.  Then I would continue what you are doing to maintain your authority.  "SOS for Parents" by Lynne Clark is a good book as is "123 Magic".  You can pick them up at the library probably.  

For bedtime, some kids like some deep pressure before sleep.  You could have her sit on your lap and hug her to you tightly and rock.  Or you could have her lay on the ground and gently push some pillows over her (she'll love it or hate it).  I find a warm, soothing bath helps too.  good luck
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