Explosive Anger

[Teri96717]

My son Cody is 7yrs old. He has a tendency to have explosive rages when he is angry, feelings are hurt, sad, etc. and I don't know how to control them. He usually strikes out at his cousins and this is usually in the form of kicking, scratching, hitting, etc. I have repeatedly told him that this is not okay, that hurting others is wrong, taking away items that he plays with, etc. This does not curb the behavior and I am worried that he will seriously hurt his younger cousins. He is not an impulsive child. When I ask him "why" he usually will respond that "they" hurt me by laughing at me; my son hasn't figured out that he can laugh at himself when things are funny thus when his cousins laugh he feels that they're "teasing" him which leads to his getting really angry and going after them. What can I do? I don't believe in a child being on meds so this I wouldn't even contemplate as a solution.

[consmom]

My family was actually a part Dr. Ross Greene's research trials back about 7 years ago.  It made a world of difference for our son and our family.  I strongly suggest reading his book The Explosive Child and possibly seeing if there are any Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) trained theropists in your area.

[Teri96717]

Thank you for all of your suggestions. Its been an ongoing battle and this has only really recently begun; my brother describes my son as "fighting to the death".

[3rdchild]

Hi, I agree with what nik said.  
I am reading a book called the "Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene.  I heard it was a good book from another group.  Also, I've been dealing with a child with behavioral issues for years.  He's 6 now...spec. needs.  I believe he may have OCD or some other thing that might be adding to the cause of his outbursts.
When I say years...I mean we've changed schools when he was 3.  He got kicked out of a school for hitting...got asked to "take a break" from a therapeutic group when he kicked another child.  He curses, spits, throws things, hits, kicks, pinches, scratches, sometimes for a reason sometimes we have no clue what triggered the behavior.  That's the problem.  He's getting better but also going to a child psychiatrist to evaluate him before someone gets hurt and to help him learn to focus better and progress with learning.

Believe me, we've tried everything...time outs..rewards..positive praise constantly...therapy...groups...special school...behaviorists
and a home program in place now.  Sometimes as a last resort medication doesn't sound so bad.
Just my opinion.

Another point is, teachers and staff need to know how to deal with children with behavioral issues.  They should be trained.  I would interview everyone and find out what they'd do in the case of an outburst.  
Talk to the school child study team...maybe get an evaluation...talk to the pediatrician and get advice.  I've asked a million questions to lots of specialists and I keep on asking.

Good Luck!

[nikthebrat]

I have been searching the web day and night.  I have a four year old son who has an explosive temper.  He's not quite to the point of yours, however he did punch his teacher in the stomache full on the last week of school.   He lives with his father because about a year ago it got to where I couldn't handle him and the daycare was calling me everyday.  He was throwing chairs, slapped his teacher, bitting other children. His dad took him to see his regular ped and they put him on meds for Bipolar.  Now I don't think this is right.  I think my son would benefit from counseling.  Our daughter goes to a regular counselor for depression and anxiety and it has worked wonders. Have you thought about putting your son in counseling so that he can, and you can get help teaching him how to control his anger and deal with it properly?  I think our doctors are too quick to put our children on very strong inappropriate drugs that their little bodies don't need.  None of our children came with handbooks, and I myself as a parent know that I don't know everything and sometimes it helps to seek advice from someone out side your enviroment that has study this and specializes in helping our children and us to understand what they need.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

As children mature, they learn to develop a 'thicker skin' about such things, but right now your son feels hurt and reacts with anger at his cousins' behavior (and perhaps they are teasing him; if so, that should be addressed as well). In order to help him handle the impulse to act aggressively, place him in time out immediately whenever he shows the least sign of aggressive behavior. Fifteen minutes is a suitable amount of time. Track the time with a digital cooking timer, and begin the time only when he is seated and quiet. At the conclusion of the time out, ask him what 'got him into time out'. There nedn't be a lengthy lecture; in fact, there should not be a lengthy lecture. Just make the point that 'no hitting is allowed'.