Frustrated 4 year old

[worn out mum]

I have a wonderful 4 year old son who is scarily intelligent, he loves doing maths and spelling at home and has been really advanced from an early age with regards to learning.However since starting nursery last september he has struggled with taking turns, he shouts alot,I think from excitement as well as frustration as he is very enthusiastic, he also is very particulat about certain things ie always sitting on the blue chair and when he cant loses it.He has never showed any signs of agression towards anyone but is alienating himself as the other children dont like it when he shouts at them if they disturb him when creating something, he also says things like "dont look at me" when upset.He has never been a large eater and is also not sleeping well, waking in the night with bad dreams and taking a while to settle even though he is tired and has been up since 6.30am, he refuses to sleep during the day.Today when my mum picked him up from nursery he was crying again and saying he didnt like nursery.I dont know what to do, the nursery say that this is common with intelligent boys whose emotional level is not at the same level but he seems so unhappy and it is affecting all of us every day.Any suggestions would be great, have never done this before!

[Cleveland Mom]

All young children develop at different paces.  Its more the norm for a child to develop unevenly, than the exception.  It may very well  be that while you son is advanced cognitively, his social skills may be a bit behind.  By the time kids are 8 or 9 years old the development will have more or less evened out, under normal cirucumstances.  

Children are born with certain traits i.e. some are introverted or extroverted, some are more easy going, some are harder to please, some have a greater or lesser tolerance for frustration and so forth.   Kids that are more extreme in thier temperments have been referred to by some as "spirited".   In the past they were referred more pejoratively as "difficult".  A good book on the subject of spirited children is  "Raising your Spirited Child", author Mary Kurcinka.  

Spirited Children possess many wonderful qualities and talents.  There is also a good deal of information on the internet.  Try searchs:  children's temperments, spirited children to learn more.  Best wishes...

[Raine9]

I don't think I have any real sound advice for you.  I am a "worn out mum" too.  I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I guess I can only offer moral support from one mom to another.

However, you son sounds like my daughter in some ways.  She has been in preschool for some time now.  She is very particular about things, especially clothes.  She is already materialistic. She is only 3 1/2!  She is also very particular about food and where she sits at the dinner table.  I finally put an end to it.  I don't let her be too choosy about clothes anymore.  I give her two choices and that is it!  She also has some problems taking turns.  We have to repeatedly remind her to share!  I'm hoping she is just going through a phase.

The bad dreams that he is having could be night terrors or nightmares.  Does your son watch TV?  Even some children's movies have frightening images for kids.  The Polar Express is a good example.  Many kids have complained that they are scared of the polar bear.  Have you considered putting him in another school?  My daughter was in 2 other schools before we moved.  She is doing much better in this one.  She was just not compatible witht the other kids in the other schools.  Two reasons, most kids were boys and/or they were too young for her.  She could not relate to them.  Maybe you can talk to your pediatrician about a child psychologist if you don't get the answers you need here.

Good luck.