Frustration

[rosecitymom]

My 8 year old son is sensitive and competitive.  When playing organized sports, he gets frustrated and sometimes throws a tantrum when he loses a game, strikes out, or pitches a bad inning in baseball.  When coaches/adults try to help him or encourage him, he just shrugs them off, doesn't want their help, and starts berating himself "I'm stupid, I don't deserve to play, I'm the worst player, etc."  If I go near him, he will walk the other way. As parents, we always reiterate to him that as long as he does his best, and he loves playing the game, we are happy with his performance.  He is a natural athlete and is not accustomed to losing.  The teams that he has played on in the past two years have always won. Now that he is beginning to lose, he doesn't know how to deal with the frustration of losing.  We don't know how to help him, and neither do any of his coaches.  His behavior negatively affects his teammates and his siblings.  He is otherwise a really nice, caring and happy kid.  We only see this side of him when he gets extremely frustrated with sports, and most recently with schoolwork that is not up to his standards.  How can we help him to manage his frustration when he doesn't do as well as he would like?  PS My husband and I are less than perfect, and have tried to show him through example how to laugh off our mistakes.

[drodoogie]

Why does everyone think that competitive sports is suitable for every child? Have you thought that perhaps he would enjoy sports where it is just him competing against himself? or just one another competitor?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are acting in a prudent fashion, and over time his ability to manage the feelings associated with lack of success will improve. For now, particularly when he is involved in a team sport, it would be wise for a limit to be set on his unreasonable displays. While this may seem too strict, it would help him if he is told that he will be 'benched' when he displays unreasonable reactions. His motivation to stay in the game and participate will likelt result in his showing more self control when he is frustrated. At home, such as during homework, insist that he take a break when he 'loses his cool' and return to the work when he is calm. This just happens to be one area of his development that is lacking a bit, but not seriously so. It will improve over time and you are managing it fine.