Help with 20month olds sleep

[rbhar]

My 20month old son has been waking up every night between 1 and 3 am and refusing to go back to sleep for 2 hours. We usually put him to sleep in his crib with a little help(and a pacifier) around 9pm and he wakes once or twice and we soothe him back to sleep. Before the waking started he would wake up and drink milk and go back to sleep(mostly we had to bring him to our bed because he didnt want to sleep in his crib once he woke up). Now however when he wakes up he finds it very hard to go back to sleep even in our bed after trying for 30-45 mins he gives up and starts crying. We have a small apartment and his crib is in the same room as ours. I have tried sleep training him a few times but he just howls endlessly and feels like he gets really scared rather than soothing  himself to sleep. My pediatrician doesnt seem to be given any meaningful ideas and I would really appreciate help. Thinking of changing the crib to a toddler bed next but not sure how much help would that be.

[rbhar]

Thanks a lot for the advice Kevin.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Yes, a separate room will help. And it's OK to poke your head in a couple of times for a few days, but then you can stop that. It's not too late, just a bit more difficult than it wold have been at a younger age. Essentially the goal is for your child to fall asleep on his own and fall back asleep on his own if he wakes up. You gave up too soon. You've got to be 'strong' if this is going to succeed. You are not harming him by making this happen. You've got to get yourself out of the equation.

[rbhar]

Also in the past when we have tried to sleep train him he cried incessantly for almost 45mins(we intervened every 10mins to check but didnt engage him) and after 45mins we gave up. Am I doing this completely wrong?

[rbhar]

Thanks for the quick response. Do you think it would help to sleep in a separate room while we try to sleep train him? Also do you think sleep training would work at this age(given most people advise doing it at a younger age)?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I could not advise you strongly enough to hold off transitioning him to a toddler bed. He's already not able to master this sleep challenge in a crib, and there is no reason to think that a bed would be better. Your decsription indicates that you have unwittingly complicated the matter by intervening when he wakes up, feeding him when he wakes up, taking him into your bed, etc. None of these things should ocur. Perhaps you have the expectation that the 'sleep training' will be easy - it is not. But if it is to be successful you will have to bite the bullet. There is no painless way to accomplish the goal. You know that saying "Things may get worse before they get beetr?" Well, it applies to your situation. But if you are patient, persistent and consistent you will succeed.