Help with uncontrollable child

[djones01]

First- sorry i know this is very long but i wanted to get down everything we have been experiencing and have attempted.

I have a 4 year old son who is becoming more and more uncontrollable every day. This has only been going on for about a year. He learned and continues to learn very quickly so he is very smart and sometimes he does or says things that i have no idea how he knows about it. Anyway  the following things are things that happen on a daily basis(mind you i work a full time job and dont pick him up from school till 5:30 so this all happens in a 3 hour period).
-Constantly telling me no...doesnt matter what it is.
-CANNOT sit still for any length of time. if he is going from one room to another or into the bathroom he is running there or jumping there.
-always running, jumping climbing thowing - i can tell him 40 timestimes to stop running across the couch and it has no effect.he knows whene he is doing something he is not supposed to because most of the time he will wait till i cannot see him to start up again. Then when i catch him he gives a sly little smile as if to say "haha you didnt see me"
-Nonstop talking, also it sometimes seems like his mouth is working faster than his brain....he will repeat the first word of a sentance 4 or 5 times before he finishes.
-constantly inturrupting everyone.if you try to tell him something he will get frustrated and start getting upset.
He has no concept of personal space. he needs to be right on top of everyone and poking or pulling
-He will repeat himself if asking for something - "i want chocolate milk" while i try and tell him he drank it all,we dont have any,its at the store,i have to go get some,no more, doesnt matter what my answer is he will continue to ask and ask but ALWAYS in a whine or crying.
-everything that he says is said in a whine.
-the usual toddler tantrums and pouting x 10
-he wants what he wants when he wants it and if he cant have it he will get extremely angy, shouting crying,punches the doors walls.
-everything he does is over the top.
- big attitude,"i can do whatever i want" "i dont have to listen to you".

Recently in the last six months his teachers have gotten to the point that if he doesnt start listening and doesnt stop disruppting the class then he will be asked to leave.
It has gotten to the point where i dred having to take him anywhere. I cannot even make a quick trip to the grocery store without having a nervous break down when i get home. i am at a loss. I know that he has had alot of changes and adjustments this past year that he has had to deal with which is why i try to look at the situation from his point of view. and try to imagine the best i can what and how he is feeling. I try and hold my cool for as long as i can becuase if there is something that is causing this that he cannot control or is making it hard for him to control, i do not want to make it harder for him
. i got married a little over a year ago and he got a new baby brother about 6 months ago. He was always excited about having a brother and even now he is very loving with him and loves to talk to him and make him laugh,so he isnt showing any resentment or aggression towords him. I make a point to spend alot of alone time with him so he does not get jelous and start feeling like he doesnt get any attention now. I do things with just him and i but the behavior is still the same.
when playing he will run and play as long as i let him( housr and hours and hours). im not kidding when i say nonstop. it is a fight every nite when it comes to bed time. i believe firmly in having a set routine for children and have had a 8:00 bed time for him since he has been 1 year old. He is so active throughout the day that if he gets any less than 11 hours of sleep a night he is even worse the next day. he is always in bed at 8, wether or not he decides to lay there and whine for 45 min or go right to bed is his choice.
When asking him things and talking to him you literally have to be right in his face for him to even pay attention to you and even then he is looking around,singing or jabbering. i usually dont get him to start listening untill i start getting angry with him.
My husband and i are so overwhelmed by having a new baby and dealing with his bad behavior that we have not been able to enjoy our marriage yet. We have tried every kind of dicipline i know of. Taking away privleges,taking away toys,time out, sitting in the corner, yelling,ignoring the bad behavior,positive reinforcment,taking him to a quiet place and talking with him away from all destraction. My doctor said to try a diet that has shown great results in children that have add and adhd. Sooooo we changed his diet, no dairy( only soy milk,soy cheese) no candy,no artificial flavors or added preservatives, no food colorings,little to no sugar. He hasnt had any complaints with the diet but it has shown no results. it actually seems like its getting worse. could this be add,adhd,spd? After reading about all these different things it is difficult to narrow it down to a specific disorder because he has so many symptoms of all i have looked into.I dont know what to do anymore. Please if anyone has any suggestions i am open to everything. Our home environment is so on edge all the time that i fear my marriage will fail. i want nothing more than to be able to help him and find out what exactly is going on so we can have a loving happy relationship like we did when he was younger.Thanks so much for taking the time to read this i know it is very long.

[whatbunny]

thats at yahoo what_bunny***@****

[whatbunny]

Is your son named Gabe too? I swear you wrote my post. Only I don't have a new marriage and I have a 2.5 year old on top of a almost 5 month old. My son has been like this for a long time though. He has trouble with change, he has a lot of routines. He doesn't like things to be moved around at times etc. I have no advice. Just you're not alone. My son's preschool teacher has asked the behavioral clinitian at the school to come in. That starts next week and I'm meeting with a shrink to help me find better ways to help him. I'm a stay at home mom and he has a lot of my time. That doesn't help. If you ever want to chat. what_bunny***@**** :)

[mrs_wolfy]

Sounds like mine at that age, and still. One thing that I found helps at bedtime is to cuddle up together, and give him the option of reading a nice book or chatting. Tell him that you love him and that you want him to be a good boy. High strung children such as ours really just want to be the center of the universe, so reassuring that they are important, valued, and loved can help. It also helps remind you, mom, that even though the behaviour is extremely frustrating, this is your baby and that will never go away. When he was younger, he probably had more of your time and so he is most likely trying to get your attention in the worst ways because he doesn't know how to just ask. Explain that sometimes life is really hard, but we just have to do our best and love each other with all our hearts. Whenever possible, give him options, so he'll feel like he has a choice in what he eats, how he dresses, and that sort of thing.  

You and your husband must stay united, because you both need the support. Focus on staying calm and discuss the issues amongst yourselves so the child will get the same response from either parent. Take time to hold each other and relay your concerns with each other without judgment. Display your affection for each other and leave cheesy little notes for each other. You can't expect to be making love like bunnies like before, so it's important to keep your relationship hot in other ways.

If you have a friend or family member that you can drop your child off with for the night, that can help everyone to regain their center. Use the time to have a nice date with your husband and help each other relax. When your child returns, smother him with affection before he has a chance to get into more trouble and jangle your nerves again.

If you can, it would be a good time to cut back to part-time to spend more time with your family. And be sure to take a little time for yourself to do some yoga and meditation. It's important to take care of yourself and keep your center so you can be the best wife and mother you can be.

Good luck, peace be with you.

[ihavenoidea]

I undeerstand my son is 2.5 and is the same way has been since 1 I have had to hold him down to brush his teeth he has pulled chunkes of hair out of his sisters hair and has gotten kicked out of daycare there is no tvs in my house as well as one on one with each child wich is tiring because i am a single parent he throws his food as well and screams whn he doesnt get his own way a phase passes this has not I have done parenting clases behaviour  modifing when and how long does it take be4 a pedeatrition says okay now its time I have no support so when its the end then its the end I dont want to get there but where is the concern for these poor children who inside battle with how they are feeling? let alone the siblings and parents they know and feel the rejection by others i dnt know.......

[amiloosingit]

djones, Wow reading what you wrote was like you wrote it for me...

As I sit hear writing to you I can feel the tears rolling from my face, my son is three years old and he doesn't listen screams, shouts and throws things, he breaks things and refuses to bath, shower, take his medicine, brush his teeth,wont each his veg unless I mass it in his food that he cant see it and if something doesn't meet up to his standard he will throw his bowl of  food all over the place...
He wees in the bed on the bedroom floor and outside on the grass and sometimes will wee in the toilet.
He gets home from school and demands for sweets,chocolate and chips, he will throw things wine,moan,scream,shout and cry...
I have tryed everthing spanking with a wooden spoon,naughty corner,giving him love and talking nicely....EVERYTHING nothing works I even read that you should try bathing your child earlier and I even tryed the lavender bath creams and wash that the other lady was talking about...it doesn't work...bathing is a nightmare for me as there is more water on me and the bathroom floor than there is in the bath and I dint put alot of water in the bath so try to inmagen

My sons father says its normal and that he is just a boy he will grow out of it but I know in my heart that it isn't normal because I was and educ are teacher

Doctors say he is to young to test for ADD

I fight with his father because when he starts with his tantrum his father cant take the screaming,shouting that he just gives him whatever he wants, which causes us to fight...

I dont know what to do anymore please let me know if you find something that works for you..
Thanks

[RockRose]

djones, it sounds like you're having a really difficult time.

I'm concerned though,  that these behaviors didn't start until he was 3?  Until then,  he was tractable,  normal level of activity,  normal social skills for his age,  normal amount of impulsiveness,  etc.?

I have a child who has ADD, he's an adult now,  and he was like that in the womb,  literally.  When you have a child who suddenly starts to display these behaviors during a time of great change in their lives,  where they've had a normal path of development up until that time,  it looks like the environment has at least triggered a portion of his behaviors.

He sounds like he has a VERY high energy level,  and at 4 shouldn't be in a classroom setting,  he should be in an environment where virtually every time he wanted to bounce around he could.  

Put a mattress on the floor of his room that he sleep on,  and put a big mirror in front of it so he can watch himself bounce and bounce until he's tired.  He needs to have stuff he can climb - anytime he wants to when he's home - so he won't just be ripping through the house trying to bounce his sillies out.  

Also I'd get him in wrestling.  They do start that early and boys with attention problems and extra energy LOVE wrassling around with other boys!

Here's a link to wrestling clubs in your area:

http://www.themat.com/section.php?section_id=7&page=display_clubs&state_id=6

Best wishes.

[beachbunn1986]

i completly know how you feel  ,my 3yr old was just like this there are times i just want to run and hide. i have no private time and the whole back talking really really makes me boiling mad   but i have a few tricks that might help    i tried some of these and my son is  alot better so try  them     celery and lettuce are calming foods   you could jazz up the celery by putting nut butter on it instead of peanut butter and raisins           some herbs that are really helpful are chamomile, lime blossom, lemon balm, and california poppy   also i have recently started giving my son a bath with that lavender  body wash (Johnson and johnson)  and after i give him a massage with lavender lotion  this has made a huge difference.  you can get the herbs online or health food store .  your not alone in your battle  i wish you all the luck