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Avatar universal

Help...11 yr old from Hell!!!

I have an absolutely horrible 11 yr old son. I also have 2 other children as well as 2 stepchildren who have never made me feel like this or done anything like he has.
I left his abusive father when he was just a baby. I've been with my current husband for near 10 yrs. My son has been given every chance, opportunity and consequence imaginable.
First off, before anyone judges- I've tried with him. I've had early intervention, home services, positive reinforcements, reward charts, time outs and grounding etc. Not even spankings work, he enjoys that. Nothing has helped or come close to working. I've had him in residential treatment and he liked it, looked at it like it was a resort. I've had him in day treatment, he has been in counseling since he was 6. He has even been admitted to the psychiatric hospital for 6 weeks, was there for 30 days and discharged only to be readmitted 10 days later for an additional 2 weeks.
My son basically plays all adults. He gives the answer he thinks people want to hear rather than tell the truth. He has been on several different medications and none have helped. He is a compulsive liar. He is a cleptomaniac, has been banned from multiple stores in our area. I can not take him into a store without him stealing. He has stolen from just about everyone in my family. He stole $80 from a teachers purse. He is very destructive, he's ruined so many clothes. He's done a lot of property damage- he's ripped a windshield wiper off our van, a headrest off a seat in the van as well as breaking plastic pieces off inside the van. He's destroyed many items of my husbands to "seek revenge" for being punished. He's defaced doors, walls, flooring and carpet in our residences. We have contacted police to no avail, due to his age. He has sent my husband to the hospital multiple times with massive panic attacks and caused him to have cardiac problems. He is physically and verbally abusive to me. He has slapped, punched, bitten, kicked, thrown things at me, pushed me down stairs. He has even pulled a knife on me. He also has an unhealthy obsession with me. He thinks I'm his "girlfriend/property". On multiple occasions, he has flashed his penis at me or masturbated while staring at me. He taunts the other children and constantly tries to engage them in fights whether physically or verbally. My 15 year old daughter is so scared that she sleeps with a lock on her bedroom.
He's made us prisoners in our own home. We can not simply go out and have regular family outings because of him.
He is terribly jealous of my dogs as they were gifts to me from my husband. I have a 5 lb. chihuahua that he has kicked down stairs or across the room. He's also flipped her off the arm of the couch. She has permanent damage to one of her rear legs from his abuse. I also have a husky that was my wedding present from my husband. She's been tortured horribly. He has hit, kicked and pulled her hair. He has stuck his hand down her throats and up her rectum. He has fed her all kinds of things trying to kill her, he's admitted this to us. Most recently, he pretended to take his ADHD medication and walked out of bathroom and fed it to her. This caused her to have a seizure, nearly dying.
He inflicts self injuries and tries to blame everyone else.
He had a 1:1 male aide assigned to him for his IEP. He was so badly behaved the aide quit his job.
He drinks out of toilets, picks through garbage if he sees someone throw away food he wants.
He has been assigned to the school nurses office to use the bathroom because he wiped feces all over the bathroom wall, he then did it at the nurses office as well.
He has flushed banana peels down the school toilet causing the whole system to malfunction and school close down.
He has physically attacked other children and even a pregnant teacher at school.
I've tried to show him nothing but love, however, the more of this stuff happens, I can not stand to be around him.
He's caused rifts in my marriage. He nearly split us up multiple times. He's told my husband he will not stop antagonizing him until he leaves me or dies.
I don't know what to do anymore. Like I've stated we have tried everything every professional has suggested and nothing works.
I've been told we can not put him in foster care voluntarily(we live in NY state).
We have tried residential and been told that the facility we put him in was the only one available in our area for his age.
He has several different diagnosis'. He is on the autism spectrum(highly functioning and very intelligent), ADHD, ODD, cleptomania, bipolar 1. We've even been told he's probably a psychopath but too young to formally diagnose. He's claimed to hear voices and see things, but tells Dr. one day and recants the next.
Anyone have similar issues or advice?
29 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
He certainly sounds like a challenge.  In Texas,  you also can't place your kids in foster care unless you've been deemed unfit to parent,  even maybe temporarily,  and then in that case, your other minors would be subject to removal too.  

I have a couple questions.  Do you think he's telling the truth - that all these behaviors would stop if your husband left?  Why do you think he's saying that?  

Sometimes,  personality and mental illness is genetic.  What was his bio dad like as a child.  I know he's an abusive adult - was he also an extremely difficult child?

I'm also curious that he liked residential treatment.  What about it did he like so much,  do you know?

2 Comments
His behavior would not change if my husband left. He has no respect for me and does not listen to anything. I think he says this because he is jealous?!? Not sure if that's exactly the word I'd use...
I'm not too sure of his fathers family history. Long story but I got pregnant accidentally and could not bring myself to have an abortion. From what I witnessed of his fathers family, they have a myriad of addiction issues.
He seemed to like residential because they never made him work/ earn anything. The kids were given small allowances weekly whether they did chores or not. They seemed to have an absurdly amount of tv and video game time. He would often tell therapists "whatever they wanted to hear". Plus I was very unhappy with the way I was treated. Among other things they assumed I couldn't comprehend the slightest thing. I'm very intelligent. I have a college degree and graduated having made deans list every semester.
He seems to have all the hallmarks of  a dangerous sociopath and sadly, should be committed/confined for the protection and safety of all. Not what we want for any of our children. My heart goes out to you. It was not you who made him like this. Honest! (advice seems so easy to give from 1000 miles away, eh!) Hug for you.
13167 tn?1327194124
Also,  is he the only child in the household who isn't your husband's child?  Are your other two your current husbands kids?

Not placing blame,  just trying to flesh out your family dynamics.
1 Comments
No, I do not share any biological children with my husband. In addition to this 11 yr old boy, I have  a 15 yr old daughter, and 22 yr old son. My 2 stepsons are 18&13.
13167 tn?1327194124
After the aid left,  did the school hire a new one to be with your son in school,  or has his behavior stabilized to the point that they can have him go without an aid?  On a day to day basis at school,  can he typically get through the day without a discipline incident?  What is the school's plan going forward,  do you know?

It's a positive sign that he is able to control his behavior in residential treatment when apparently he's given lots of freedom.  

Does he have any authority figures that he responds well to?





1 Comments
No the school did not hire another aide. He then went to residential. After returning to our district he is in a 6:1:1 class.
He has been suspended in school and out several times.
And for him controlling his behavior, only when he's basically given everything he wants when he wants it. And there is no way I can live life letting an 11 yr old control every aspect of our lives.
No there are no authority figures that he listens to regularly.
189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
What ADHD medication is he on and is he on any other medications?
3 Comments
Currently he is on concerta for ADHD, depakote to stabilize mood, hydroxozine for anxiety and risperadone for anger. But we have tried many many that haven't helped, not that these do either.
I am sorry I did not get back to you sooner, but on vacation in Mexico till Friday and it's tough to access a lot of my links as well as type o,n an IPad.  

I am not a doctor, but I deal with medications a lot as the CL on the ADHD forum here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175
   You are dealing with two things here for a child that is very high on the ADHD spectrum.  Medication and behavioral therapy (discipline, etc).  Since meds are the fastest partial fix ...and a much shorter post...gonna address that first.
   I don't know his medication history, but I don't like what I see here.  He is on three Medscape to sedate him and one med for ADHD.  This is kind of typical to me for someone who has been in a residential placement.  
   Are any of these medications a holdover from that?
   So what I don't like is that Concerta is a good med, but it is not as strong or as long lasting as the adderal/Vyvanse medications.  Have these been tried?  Also I am not a fan of Resperdal (law suits against them is one reason) for several reasons.  Major one being it reduces the effect of the stim meds.  He has severe ADHD, and you are reducing the med that can help him the most in his daily life.  See this link.  
      http://healthlifeandstuff.com/adhd/the-ten-most-important-adhd-meds/

    There are a lot better meds out there for anxiety.   Who has been making the med recommendations?  Is it a psychiatric doctor who specializes in adhd?  I would really look into the meds he is on.  I can provide more resources if needed.

   Finally, for now,  (fingers getting tired on this small keyboard) he is a very angry kid.  Part of that is him having to deal with himself and part of that is due to the way he has been treated.  And part could also be medical/psychological.   This is a really good link on anger.  ....   http://www.chadd.org/Portals/0/AM/Images/Understading/AUG01AngerOverloadinChildren-DiagnosticandTreatmentIssues.pdf
Opps, forgot to ask ...was he ever on Prozac or Paxil?
Avatar universal
You said he was treating you like his girlfriend/ thing is there a chance he could have been sexually assulted when he was younger to add to the anger
1 Comments
Not that I know of. Have asked therapists if they thought so, but all say no.
13167 tn?1327194124
I'm not a pharmacist,  but I'm curious why he's on an anti-anxiety medication.  

Does he have any symptoms of anxiety?

In my observation,  people (especially children) who are on medication to reduce their level of anxiety often act out very impulsively.  I would think it would be concerning to put a child who already acts out  impulsively  on a med that would further inhibit his natural self-control.  

2 Comments
I've asked and been told that children often have anxiety symptoms as part of depression. Basically they all guess. Still trying to find a right combo.
Yes, anxiety is a very common co-disorder of ADHD (along with depression).
Avatar universal
First I just want to say I am soo sorry you are going through this I know it must be tough
Avatar universal
This child needs deliverance.  You have tried everything else now it's time to find a deliverance ministry in your area. Look up John Eckhardt on YouTube or google. He is based out of Chicago but he might now someone in your area. Best of luck to you and your family. Don't give up on your son just yet. Fight for him once more.
189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
Good link on differences between bipolar a d ADHD..http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/bipolar_disorder_or_adhd#1
13167 tn?1327194124
Bec, can you suggest places she could leave this child,  legally?  There aren't places in her state where she can just abandon him to whatever agency will pick up custody for him, without her being subject to charges of child neglect.  

It's not determined that he will kill pets and then the family.  Your post seems really over the top.  
2 Comments
I am afraid he is going to kill my dogs. And scared to go to sleep at night cuz I don't trust him.
No, her post really ISN'T over the top. By the way she describes his behavior her son is a sociopath. Already showing abuse is extremely terrifying because that will only progress in the future. He doesn't need to be abandoned, he needs to be put in a psychiatric hospital to keep her and her family safe
Avatar universal
I have seen this before.  You say that your first husband was very abusive.  I have seen this in child for whom their formative years was abusive.  We are talking well before 1 years old.  He likely will not have memories.  Various types of abuse including neglect- which should not be devalued.  Issues with Pica, breaking things, sexual deviance, impulse, everything you mention.  Family afraid of the child.  This particular child they said by 7 would not be able to live in society.  So sad.  There is not much other than pharmacological treatment to be done as these things occurred in formative years although I would keep him in counseling.  Have the Psych adjust meds obviously you don't have a winning cocktail right now.  This child's ADHD meds were necessary to life.  I believe antipsychotic was added and helped to "snow" him a little which was helpful at the time.
Avatar universal
Hi! Gosh..., I feel extremely sad about what your son has been going through, and including what your entire family has been dealing with non-stop.  But first, may I make a very big suggestion, it is imperative that you permanently remove all pets completely from your home and DO NOT  purchase any new pets big or tiny (fish) in the coming future.  Your home is not a very safe place for any pet, due to your son's behavior, plus it will be less stressful, less out of your pocket money (for food & Vet bills), and one less thing to care for. They do not deserve to be hurt by your son anymore, plus that extra money could be put towards your son's medical care. Find a safe home for your pets without allowing your son to know their whereabouts.
The next thing you need to do is to try your best to find out every medical history and mental illnesses about your son' s bio father's health and childhood developmental problems along with the father's parents' mental history, including trauma and the type of addictions in his family.  More and likely your son's behavior is greatly genetic.  Please do not push your son away nor isolate him.  He doesn't understand his behavior and must be experiencing such deep hurt and abandonment issues that is making it hard for him to calm his brain and express himself properly. DON'T GIVE UP ON HIM! Do your very best to get all of the information on your own or with legal help so a qualified Child Physiatrist that specializes in all types of mental illness, not child behavior issues, can review every little thing and make a correct mental diagnosis and prescribe the best combination of medicines.  Its extremely important to find your own best doctor and search hard until you do, and please do not go through the school, nor their Child Study Team. Believe me, I have my reasons for saying this... Just remember, your son is on some very serious meds. that also alters the brain which may be causing him more harm than good and may be adding to his behavior problems. Its also important to have complete blood work, a brain scan/MRI to see if there are any other hairline problems- best to make sure that something else isn't causing the behavior problem that may not require these meds.
Also, I agree with "Rockrose" thinking your son may have personal issues with dealing with your husband. You owe it to your child to find out exactly what it is. He may also be the reason your son is trying to hold onto you and display his emotions towards you in such a manner as a girlfriend. Also, if your son uses the computer watch out for the websites your son maybe going into, some of these video games are very sexual and display sexy characters.
Next, you need to get your son as healthy as possible and detox and nourish his brain and body before starting with a new Physiatrist and on new meds. First, you must ask at least 3 other doctors (odds 2 out of 3) if you could detox and slowly weave your son off all medications for at least a week or two. (His brain really needs to relax and detox.) During his detoxing days, please purchase all different fresh fruit, including fresh papaya, lemons and a lot of red delicious apples, plain Fage yogurt, vegetables+carrots and very, very dark leafy greens-kale+spinach, fresh turmeric,  flax seed powder, ammio acid, almonds and walnuts. Cut out all sugar, white foods+ candy and use Agave Sweetener as sugar.  Go buy a magic bullet, a few boardgames (note: this child should not be playing any violent video games, nor watch violent movies at all and its best you put on the parental control on the computer while you monitor his usage.) Check Goggle and Pinterest for healthy smoothies recipes and for adding fresh  turmeric.
If the doctors agreed to the detoxing, start trying to bond with your son alone, only the two of you together, take daily notes on the changes with his behavior-worse or getting better. Get to really know him, go places only with him, watch for his mood changes and facial expression very closely when you ask him questions, and especially about how he truly feels about his stepfather, how does his stepfather makes him upsets, how does he makes him happy, what's wrong with school and how he feels about you and each of his siblings and particularly his absent bio father, than gently ask him why he is so sad and unhappy at home and in school; Listen between the lines. If you can, try recording him so you can remember every crucial word he says and maybe give a copy to the new Physiatrist.  At the end, ask him if he could give you a hug, than give him a tight hug and kiss than tell him that you miss his hugs and that you were thinking that he and you could have an even special private bond together if only you and him were to go into therapy together and with no other family members. At least there your son can talk things out with you, state why he does the things he does, tell you and the therapist if he has ever been molested, and tell you exactly how the medication were really making him feel, plus the therapist can start him back slowly on maybe better helpful medications to keep his brain calm, anxiety free and regulated. Ask her if you should try homeschooling him until he adjust to the new meds. Sometimes changing school for a fresh new start helps. Anyway, you have to try and find ways to keep him calm and focused at home. Try making time for a mother and son day full of activities, making smoothies and fun meals together, play games, go for walks, catch balls, fly a kite or bring a blanket and sandwiches and relax in a park together far away from other kids.
You know sometimes we have to keep reminding ourselves that as adults we must remember children want to feel special, loved and feel wanted by their biological parents and also stepparent. Note: some boys do not like to share their mother with anyone, and especially to a new man and some girls don't want to share their father with anyone. This is a part of life and its up to us as parents to do everything positive to make sure our children feel safe, heard, secured and most of all loved and wanted. We brought them into the world, so we have to do our very best to make sure they grow up to be a descent human being and able to take care of themselves.
All I can say is research every little thing, so you can know exactly what side effects to look for, and be very careful with all of those mental diagnosis and combination of medicines. I can't say, "Research, Research" enough, make sure you do everything you can now before he becomes a teenager.  Just don't ever give up on your boy and send him away, he is a part of you and you have goodness inside of you, so go find it in him, bring it out and keep looking until you do! DON'T EVER, EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR SON! I NEVER DID, nor listened  to the schools and I now have a wonderful boy!!! I know its hard as hell... and you feel like no one understands what you are really going through, but you got this! So hang in there! God bless you, Jaded05..., your son and your entire family!
4 Comments
I meant Psychiatrist, not Physiatrist. I'm mostly online when my insomnia hits, but here is a number I had contacted for help that may help you with information and for assistance in your area, "The American Psychological Association" in DC (202) 336-5500 or 1 (800) 374-2721.  Best to tell them everything or ask to send the appropriate person an email, so someone can guide you better.
Your son's story is 90% my son's story and my son has been in all of the treatment faculties and on more medication than I can name. You asked, "If anyone have similar issues", here is my brief hard story which I still can not bring myself to tell in details to anyone. Yet, your story hunts me because years ago before these forums i thought i was the only one and no one understood what my son and i were truly going through, including my family.
Anyway, After showing up quietly unannounced and seeing how my son was being treated and a sadness I have never seen before in his eyes, it ripped me to my core, along with seeing earlier that day a video of how my so called upstanding Ex, that three Communities of people loved, be so loving to his kids, me and my other children, but was secretly mistreating my youngest confused son so badly it added to my son's problems. So As I sat in my car hitting my sobbing breaking point and then saw myself in the mirror, i felt something deep happen to me, but i ran back in and grabbed my son and never looked back and started homeschooling my child.
I had, had enough with dealing with the school's unbelievable recommendations, their fears that my son was so unstable and a Sociopath and all those combinations of medication which WASN'T helping, but   making my son worse. I than took devastating drastic measures that was good only for my family.  I sat down, my young children watched the video and they were shocked and surprised how my son was treated yet so unbelievable supportive to making changes and helping their baby brother. The way they kissed and held onto him made me shocked but stronger. This association was my very first call for in State help, but I didn't stop there. I had a MRI done and i obtained my son's bio father's medical and devastating  psychological history that i knew nothing about because his family feared him. So i researched and geared up with every single information I could find, found a treatment center on my own and my son and I traveled a great distant back and forth to that center in another State for help. Unfortunately, the insurance wouldn't pay for the expensive treatments, but nothing and no one was going to stop the new me from helping my son so my other children wouldn't have to handle his behavior in their young adulthood, if something were to happen to me.
My son was my biggest mission and turned out he has a very high IQ (who knew, turned out that I didn't know my son during that time bottled up with my Ex and his kids) and now my boy, son has graduated from College last year, is very happy, very healthy, sleeps well (which was another big problem back then) and is only on one medication. It turned out that treatment center was the best additional treatment for him.  Plus, It turned out my son's bio father's history greatly help the doctors figure out some problems which lead them to find the right treatment and they stated my son is not a Sociopath and more and likely will never be one, nor some of those other labels. We are still in therapy and are doing so much better.
What works for one child may not work for another, but there maybe some light at the end of the tunnel. Its heart wrenching because, these beautiful children are going through so much just look through their eyes. All you can do is to continue to find and do what's best and works best for you and your family. Funny, now my wonderful boy is telling me he's completely fine and for me to go be happy and start back dating because i'm holding onto him to tightly. I told him with a smile maybe one day but i'm enjoying you too much. He looks at me and cracks up. This coming from a child that was once never affectionate nor smile, but now laughs a lot and gives bear hugs. You can try the association and see what help they can advise you for within your State, if you can not afford to travel out of state. Its wasn't easy and very expensive.
The first change, I left my Ex and his kids immediately and started fresh and new in another nearby town, so my children could at least visit their closest friends and have a normal life.
Very well said . 100% agree with this interesting and caring assessment and advised. Don't hive up mom.
So true about detoxing. With autism they process meds all differently. They have genetic testing swab mouth to see what meds supposed to work for his body chemistry. These arent very accurate for people with autism. Their body can get a build up of meds especially if you are randomly trying out new meds often to find something to help with aggression/bipolar. The build up can cause aggression as well as behavior issues. Autistic people also tend to have issues with gut bacteria imbalance so definately avoid sugars that feed yeast
Avatar universal
I just lost a whole section I just wrote in respondance to this, so I will summarize;  the best place for your son would be a psychiatric facility. It's not fair to your family and your dog's to have to live in fear every day, and you have tried everything. He will get better, with the right help, but it right now that won't be in your home. It is not fair for defenseless animals, children and yourselves to have to live like this. The abuse is unacceptable. Please seek the help you need for your son, for the safety of your family and animals.
1 Comments
All they will do is dope the child on meds. A mother never gives up. A family stick together and struggle. No life is easy. Don't give up mama. Pray and give Hod all your worries . That child needs you. You gave birth to him. Just made the house secure. Hide anything that could be used as a weapon. It will be temporary, but the family that works together , pray together stay together . Church. Therapy , love , spend more time with him as he seems to want your attention. Spend more time with him and be a little firm but be reasonable as well. Maybe he is trying to tell you something? Please don't put your child in a mental institution . A family fights together until the impossible . Good luck and God bless. United we stand, divided we fall.
Avatar universal
Try the total transformation program.  It is videos and cds geared towards all your sons diagnoses.  It has a money back guarantee but you won't need it.  It is the best program and I've used it personally for my son. Saw changes in a week and even bigger changes in a month.  We had done behavioral therapy, social group therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, a feeding clinic, consulted a psychiatrist and seen counselors and psychologists.  We tried applied behavioral analysis too. Applied behavioral analysis combined with the total transformation program by James Lehman was the best thing we ever did.  I was skeptical but I figured I didn't have anything to lose. It actually tells you what not to do. Corrects parents reactions which seems easy but there are alot of things that we did that worked for our other kids but not for him.  
Avatar universal
I think he may be acting out jealousy has he always behaved this way? Does he act inappropriate to step siblings or siblings? Sounds like he has a lot of resentment towards your spouse why? Does he interact with family? Seems he's acting out for attention. Have you tried a group home
1 Comments
I agree
Avatar universal
Hello,

I'm terribly sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this. I'm sure you're doing everything possible to help him. I'm not a doctor but I am studying psychology in university. What stood out to me most is that your son is taking medication for ADHD. I know from personal experience that ADHD medications can cause people to hear voices. I was prescribed concerta and adderal while I was in highschool. These are very helpful drugs and I don't mean to bash them but the reality is that stimulants release dopomain in the brain and too much dopomain can lead to scitzophrenic behaviour such as hearing voices and extreme paranoia. It might be worth mentioning to a doctor and getting a lower dose or implementing strategies to deal with ADHD rather than medication. It's a difficult transition and your son will likely go through withdrawals if taken off the medication but sometimes stimulants do more harm than good and cause people to act out in ways and lose a sense of self control. There is obviously a lot going on and that's just a small piece of the puzzle but I hope it helps even a little bit.  Wish you all the best.
Avatar universal
He definitely has some type of sociopathical or psychopathical disorder. I am sorry to tell you there is really nothing you can do other than put him in a home or have him placed in a mental institution. I fear for your family and your dogs as well. Please be sure that you don't wait too long to put him away (if you wait until he actually does something it may be too late to save the people and animals in your family). I am sorry to sound SO harsh but I have a close family member who is a psychologist and had a client who was having the same problem with her daughter. The client waited to put her child away because she didn't want to do anything "too extreme", but was too late (her daughter had killed her two brothers and tortured one of the dogs). Stay strong, there is nothing wrong with you or the way you parent, some kids are just incorrigible and not fixable if you will.
Avatar universal
Keep him busy. Let him build things outside the yard. I have a Down syndrome nephew and it's nothing like this, but Jesus , he wears my sister out. 12 and still can't speak and in diapers. Almost but my dad's ears off and it yanked my little sister's earrings/hoops. She had to had surgery. At times, we've found him choking the baby in the family. My nephew1 years old. Thank God we found him red/but breathing. I understand your pain mama. I'll pray for your family. God bless.
1 Comments
I'm sorry but Down's Syndrome and (potential Psychopathy) are completely and utterly different in every sense. Also, I wouldn't be satisfied that after finding one child CHOKING another, it's excusable because "he was only red" and what, not killed? Psychopaths do not change, they do not get better. It is in their blood, cognitively how the brain was formed. Sometimes they do not even understand how they are and therefore cannot understand how wrong their thinking/actions are. They may know something is off but not understand. Then again it's hard for any of us to truly understand. To keep this child around other lives who are at stake, constantly in danger, (and not by the choice of the other children! Not by choice of the animals!), you would have to turn your home into a safe house---proof it as they do in facilities; they are so secure as they need to be for who they will be protecting. Even then, you do not have a promise. Psychopaths are intelligent, sinister individuals; if they cannot get to who and what they want, a meticulous plan will inevitably be devised. Do not wait until he seriously injures any of your family. You're in my thoughts and prayers, as I am very worried for you and your family right now. There are facilities who will actually attempt to teach your son to control his behavior. Hope for an update soon, hang in there.
Avatar universal
When I was a little girl growing up, I had a brother that tormented me. I was afraid of him and my parents did everything they knew how back then to help the situation. I had 2 sisters and 2 brothers and my brother and I were just a year apart. I was the one he picked on the most and took the brunt of all his abuse. During my sophomore and junior year in HS I stopped talking to him. 2 whole years I went and never said a word to him. He got in a lot of trouble his senior year and he ended up going in the army and it really wasn't by his choice. I wanted to give you a brief background before telling you that as an adult in my 50's now, that I have suffered in many ways and it took me until 5 years ago to realize why I suffered the way I did. As a young child/teenager I was NEVER protected from my brother. I was alone and there was not one person that could help me. I was left to fend for myself from his verbal and mental abuse daily for so many years. I felt he ruined my life. As for your son. Don't let him disrupt your family one more day. Your children need a healthy mom who will protect them from your sons horrible ways. There are many facilities (wonderful facilities) that will help your son get better. Once he has stableized, whether it be 6months or a year, maybe it will be time to re introduce him back into your family life. He needs the structure. It doesn't mean you don't love him. It means you do love him and that you want to help him get better. Stay strong! I will pray for your son, for you and the rest of your family. As of today, I have a really nice relationship with my brother. We aren't the best of friends, but we know our boundaries and we love each other.
Avatar universal
Hi there. I want to first state i am not a doctor and can not give medical advice but i have worked around many kids with mental and physical disabilities. First off you stated your son smeared feces on walls. Thats a possible sign of molestation. I would have that investigated. Secondly you stated the child is autistic. You need to seek a specialist dealing with autism. A local woman dr here has a daughter that was born autistic. The dr became a specialist in autism after her daughters birth. She had read so much on autism to help her daughter that her daughter now is in college and no longer labeled as autistic. You need to look into the diet. Have blood work done. Kids with autism benefit from gluten free diets. Also many autistic kids have scensory processing disorder. Your child needs proper diagnosis in all aspects to get proper treatment. In my opinion meds r last resort. Diet and supplements r best. Supplements you can try (not sure on spelling) orchex and emzymes for meals also lithium oratate(for mood swings). Also kids with sensory processing disorder benefit from dairy free. Switch to almond milk. Milk acts like opiates. The child needs to be placed in a facility until his mood and meds r adjusted to where he isnt harming himself or anyone else including the pets. Its your responsibility to protect your son ,family ,and pets. Do not leave him unattended and put others at risk or himself. Just remember he cant control having multiple mental disorders. Be consistent in discipline (with odd DONT ARGUE. Layout expectations/consequences end of discussion)as well as routine and NO CHANGES. Find ways to praise him. Example he puts shoes on wrong feet just state im so proud of you for putting your shoes on. Dont focus on the negatives. He can and will get better but he needs your help! Pray with him. Show him you love him. I hope i could help. God bless!
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I forgot to mention with adhd in my opinion would be most beneficial to wear him out physically. That will also help with agression. Prevention is best! Make him to tired to fight. If he also has sensory issues sometimes (depending if over or under)they benefit from using things like trampolines(feeling the compression). If he were my son hitting i would put him in a bear hug (again compression for sensory assuming he probably has sensory issues as well)hugging him reassuring him i love him and we will work through this together until he is calm. Release when calm. You and your hubby need to be a team an on the same page with EVERYTHING. You guys will get through this. Iknow its tough but you are tougher!
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He may need institutionalized if you are really that afraid of him, but he also needs a mother who loves him, unconditionally. Kids feel conditions harder than adults, if you're ready to be rid of him, I guarantee he knows it and is hurting terribly from it. Also, I was a foster kid, and I just want to say on behalf of the other foster children in the world, how unfair and awful it is that you want to dump your child, that you are afraid of, into foster care so he can hurt other children. I think an institution would your best choice, foster kids don't need to be abused by your son, they already have enough problems. Please don't ever do that.
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My brother and sister in law have been going through some of the same things with my nephew, he's 6 now. He's always been a very hyper child and would have complete melt downs everyday about going to school. One day he told his teacher he was going to hurt himself by putting scissors into the outlet and when the teacher asked him why he would do that, he said bcus the voices in his head are telling him to hurt the other children but he didn't want to so he'll hurt himself instead so they would stop. That same day My brother and sister in law took him to an inpatient facility and he was there for 3 weeks having testing done, speaking to therapists and doctors. They diagnosed him with ADHD and Bipolar and put him on medication for bipolar. From there my brother and sister in law took to him to therapy and family therapy and were given a lot of advice about how to calm him down after one of his freak outs, put him on a very strict schedule to help with having a normal routine, and for my brother and sister in law to show him encouragement instead of being negative about situations, they also started to a chore chart and when he receives enough stars at the end of the week, he gets a small reward (ice cream, trip to get water ice, etc) nothing that would cost a lot of money but it's something for him to look forward to and it's been helping him a lot with mood swings and with his ADHD which he currently isn't taking medication for, he will start within the next couple of weeks. After going for a second opinion about the Bipolar Disorder, the doctor said it's extremely hard to diagnose a 5 year old ( he's recently 6) with Bipolar, it's also hard to diagnose an Adult with bipolar as well, but they know for sure he has  ADHD, after getting the second opinion about bipolar, they've stopped giving him the medication for and started to chore board right after and he seems to be more receptive to the chore board then he was to the medication since he has something too look forward to. The boards can be chore boards and behavioral boards so it gives them something to work towards. It seems like your son is wanting attention especially since he's been doing things to your husband and your dogs, maybe by trying to do a chore/behavioral board with just him and him knowing he'll get a small reward when he receives the amount of starts needed, he'll maybe start to stop of these behaviors he's having bcus he's looking for love and attention from his mother. I know it's hard to focus on one child when you have others, but taking 10 mins a day just to spend with him, just the two of you, really could make a difference. He needs to be shown love, respect and discipline, so he feels like his mom does care, I'm positive he knows you've had it with him so he's having more outbursts and causing more issues bcus he thinks nobody cares about him right now. I worked with children with mental health issues for years, some with a lot of the same behaviors as your son, and the child and parents would have family therapy and the parents would start doing things the therapist suggested and the child felt like their were being listened to and leaving therapy the child would leave with a smile on their face and more polite and respectful then when they came in! Maybe take a couple things I mentioned, it could make a world of difference! I hope it all works out for your family and your son.
Avatar universal
I am disgusted by this behavior, my daughter used to be the same, constantly hitting her brothers and faking illnesses, she has jumped out of her bedroom window once for attention, maybe you could look around in other states to see if they can take in your child, I'm British so I don't know if the laws in Texas are the same for every state. My daughter eventually got better, what I did is very weird but it worked for me. If your shopping, your son will probably ask for a lot of things, maybe a computer game or toy, I suggest you give him one thing that he wants and say 'you will have to work for your other toys etc...' 'for now you will have this' ' you can earn other things by being good at school or caring for the pets.' And in another situation maybe you could get them a hobby, my daughters hobby is dressing up and fashion, so I found a game online where I monitored her but at the same time let her express herself. Whenever she did chores I would buy her something for her virtual game, like a membership or an exclusive outfit for a few pounds/dollars. Obviously this is different for everyone but it worked for me
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