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Homework Blues

My son is 8 years old. He has straight A's in school but when he gets home to do homework we have some serious issues. He acts like he can't do his homework. When I ask him to read a problem to me he talks so quiet I can't hear him. I know he wants me just o give him the answers but I won't. It'll make my life easier if I did but he wouldn't learn anything. I've tried everything I know to do. Can someone please help? And yes he always acts like this with only me and with everything I try to get him to do. Please help.
6 Responses
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480448 tn?1426948538
Ditto ditto ditto specialmom's advice!  Perfectly said!  

I have a son who's also 8, who also does well in school, and who's also a little needier during homework time.  Now, I encourage him to do parts of it himself, but I'm always there to help, which is pretty frequent.  It's just not a big deal.  Is some of it laziness?  Wanting attention?  Sure.  But, he's 8.  He's still getting used to the school routines and the idea of organization, schedules, etc.

I've also found that making homework a little "fun" is very helpful in motivating children to WANT to do it and want to get it done.  Like, studying spelling words, use scrabble tiles, or write the words on index cards, cut them in half, and have the child match the two sides.  My son enjoys those kinds of things, AND he aces his spelling words as a result, rather than having him just write them or read them.

Homework is a reality, and while structure and routine is good (and important), being very strict about homework routines for young children only makes them dread it that much more, which can turn into a big struggle over doing it.  

I also agree with them having some "down time" after school, not hitting the books right away. They've been in school for 8 hours learning and doing schoolwork.  Let them unwind, have a snack, play outside, whatever, shift gears a bit.  

Then, choose a time that works best for YOUR family.  Everyone's households are different...parents have varying work schedules, other children may have sports or other activities that need attending...therefore each family must choose the best time they see fit.  Trying to keep it as close to the same time each day is good, as it builds that routine and structure that is so important.

If a family is on the go a lot, with activities, they can incorporate some of the homework assignments in the car, or just basic stuff like reading practice (reading signs, etc).  If a family is very busy in the evenings, which only leaves after school time for homework, that's life, but still try to give the kids some kid of down time.

Flexibility is a must IMO, and I think it's important to not make homework feel like a chore.  I think if your child needs a lot of help and guidance from you, that's okay...all kids are different.  If you send an 8 year old to his room to do his homework independently, I guarantee there will be a lot of things going on that are NOT homework (mine certainly would be).  Even more independent workers of that age I feel should be doing their homework in a central location (ie kitchen table)...with the distractions minimized (TV off, etc).  They need supervision, and they need to know help is nearby.  They also like the instant praise when they're doing great at something.  Like last evening, my son's Math homework was rounding up or down larger numbers.  After helping him with a few problems, he caught on quickly.  He was proud of himself and at that point WANTED to do it himself, because he was eating up the praise.  He would have me check every one after he did it, and when I'd praise him, he would say things like, "I'm smart at Math!"....or "this is easy!!".  Young children THRIVE on praise.  Being in the same room makes it easier to do that in the moment.

Good luck to you!  Try not to sweat it too much!  There's all kinds of aspects of life you can be encouraging your son to be more independent with....self care, chores at home, organizing his backpack and papers...etc.  If homework still isn't something he's very independent at, it's okay.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
We always do our homework after dinner and it works best for our family.  I don't think there are absolutes for 'when'.  And I also have very few friends that send an 8 year old off by themselves.  The kitchen table our counterbar is where 95 percent of elementary school kids in America do their work.

Bottom line, none of us here can give you true guidance for what will work best for you.  I personally let my kids play until dinner (or now that they are older, they often have swim team practice, soccer practice, etc.) a bit of down time, dinner and then they tackle homework.  Occupational therapists and psychologists AND our school recommends physical activity before homework.  It helps kids stay better focused when doing it.  I give breaks as my sons can have multiple subjects of work to do---  and can have over an hour of hard homework PLUS studying.  They again, are both bright with accelerated class schedules in terms of academics.  But, they get tired.  

I picture going to work ALL day.  Coming home and having more 'work' to do.  I try to be empathetic to my kids.  

AND if homework is taking too long----  talk to the teachers/school.  

anyway, back to the point of no one here will know what the best time frame for your son to do homework is and if you should force your child to sit in his room to do it.  (I'd never do that to my son that was a bit more needy during homework time.  WHY make it a battle?  I am telling you, a smart kid becomes more and more independent and you are less and less in the picture over time!!)

If you DO send him to his room . . .  I wouldn't be all disciplinarian, strict parent and set these 'rules' as this just gives a bad vibe to homework.  Instead, be busy folding his laundry, making lunches for the next day, etc.  

I only give you this advice because the families I know that aren't super stress balls over homework when their kids are generally doing well in school just have kids with much better attitudes than the families that are drill sergeants about homework!  

good luck
Helpful - 0
5914096 tn?1399918987
It sounds like you need to provide your son with more structure at home by developing a homework routine that you stick by.  Unless the teacher explicitly stated to you that you need to provide him with daily homework assistance, which is highly unlikely, you need to get into the habit of offering him minimal assistance if that.  Your homework routine should consist of the following:

1.  Homework time should begin after school directly after a short break and not after dinner.  
2.  Your son needs to complete his homework in his bedroom or some other secluded area of your home.
3.  Homework time should end only after your son completes his homework and you checked it for accuracy.

If you stick to this routine like clock work, you and son will eventually get used to it as it will help provide your family with the structure needed to make homework time more livable.
Helpful - 0
4851940 tn?1515694593
As your son is doing really well at school, I do not think that you have anything to worry about.

When he comes home, give him some space and time to relax and unwind.  Yes, do remind him to do his homework and allow him his space with peace and quiet to get on with it.  

Carry on with what you need to do, but do remind your son that you are there should he need any help to understand the question.  Do not give him any direct answers, but help him to work it out by giving him suggestions so that he can work out his answer.  

Should he get the answer wrong, don't make a big issue out of it, but go through it with him so that he can figure it out for himself where he has made the mistake.  

Some children are very independent and like to be left to get on with things on their own, while others lack the confidence to do homework on their own.

You are right in not giving your son direct answers, but there is nothing wrong with you sitting next to him if he agrees to it and for you to go through the questions with him and guide him in the right direction if he wants you to do that.

Kids do need their own space to develop their own unique characters.

If you relax, I am sure your son will be more relaxed and happy too.

Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hm.  Well, I am not keen on homework for elementary kids period.  I've got straight A students too.  Quite bright.  And I could care less if they had an ounce of homework.  

My oldest son was very needy with homework.  He has sensory issues and sitting and doing homework was torture for us all.  I absolutely sat with him and helped him.  It got us through it. Now, he is in 5th grade and I do help him study for tests but he does his homework himself.  His independence grew.  At 8, he still needed my help and presence.  

My second son has always been a busy bee.  he likes homework and is organized and will sit down and get things done.  Always has been that way from his first homework assignment to now.  

What's the harm with helping him or sitting with him and helping/nudging him along?  do you think he'll grow up to need you to go to work with him?  

If he is doing well in school, don't make him suffer by being so strict on homework.  

My own son started out quite needy and grew more and more independent each year.  Yours will too.

good luck
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Well,  it sounds like he understands the material and is capable of doing the work - he's doing it independently in school.  

What would happen if he were allowed to go to his room and do his homework alone?  Unless it's a specific project where parents are encouraged to help or give input,  I'm thinking he can do this by himself.

I think some kids just hate to be hovered over - and the fact that he only does this with you and he does this with everything you try to help him with,  maybe taking a strategy of backing off might help?
Helpful - 0
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