How do I help my daughter be less clingy after trauma?

[Keggers198]

My daughter had gone through a traumatic event 6 months ago, she is in counseling and I am going to discuss this at the next appointment but she has become so clingy I cannot do anything without her anymore, she even comes to work with me, I don’t want to be selfish but this has put a huge strain on me and I feel my other children are being left out because of her constant demands for attention and things. She was not like this before her trauma and I want to support her but I dont want her thinking she can do this forever, please help me figure out what to do

[specialmom]

This is so hard.  How old is she?  I have one son who is suffering a spiral in mental health currently.  It's difficult and takes a tremendous amount of my time, energy and attention.  I have another son and sometimes feel a little guilty.  But, I have to help my other child right now. It's challenging but kids in crisis need us a bit more.  Perhaps with the therapy and doing the right things (with the therapist guiding you), she will overcome this more rapidly if you weren't doing all the right things.  I understand not wanting to enable a child in a way that perpetuates their anxiety so that may be something the psychologist discusses with you for the right approach. I'm close to being on the other side now where I see the time I have left with my kids as fleeting.  Soon enough, I think I'll be missing them and trying to fill my time with their abscense. This is not to negate how you feel as I've felt like so much of my 'own' things are on the back burner and especially when they were younger.  My son had a minor developmental delay and we had lots of occupational therapy and basically ran our home like an occupational therapy work place for him.  I had my younger son do the things with his brother to keep us all engaged.  Anyway, I'm just trying to say I understand. This is really hard. My son suffers greatly now. He has low self esteem and self loathing.  It's bloody hard to see him feel this way about himself.  WHATEVER you can do now to help her feel safe, okay about herself and strong for the future, whatever coping skills you can give her, I encourage you to do it.  And do take time for yourself if you can.  Is there anyone else she feels safe with?  A grandparent? Aunt?  A friend? If you can schedule some time for them to be with her so you can get a break, maybe that will help recharge your batteries. And bring your other kids into things with you and your daughter meaning, you can have them spending time with you so they don't feel neglected or left out?  I agree that getting advice on how to help your daughter regain her sense of self and independence she had prior to the traumatic event would be helpful.  PTSD is being suggested at all from the event?  That's a medical condition and therapy does help.  Keep us updated on how this goes.

[specialmom]

By the way, we had a death in our family that was traumatic for us all.  Unexpected and so sad.  I moved in with my sister during the time of grieving and she was married with a 4 year old.  Her child also was grieving heavily.  She had trouble sleeping and began needing a parent or me to sleep with her.  Then it was a habit.  Through the doctor and therapist, they weened her off of this but done in a caring way that allowed her to feel better able to make it through the night without anxiety.  I guess I understand how she felt as I didn't want to sleep in my own home alone at the time.  After six months, I able to go back home.  Sometimes it takes time to work through things.  Hang in there.

[Paxiled]

You don't mention what the trauma was, but therapy takes time to work.  And if it isn't working, find a different therapist, the one you've got isn't doing the job.  You also don't say how old your daughter is.  You might also talk to the therapist and find out if your daughter is working -- therapy takes two to tango and while many therapists just like to sit and chat forever and ever, sometimes it's the patient not doing any work.  Even the very young need to participate for it to work.  You might also pose this question to the therapist as well -- you might get some advice on how to slowly push your daughter back to self-confidence enough to be more independent of you as she used to be.  That has to happen.