I don't like my two year old

[mom2three06]

I hate the way that sounds, but I just don't.  He is a terror.  He is high maintenance.  I know he is two and they aren't called "terrible two's" for nothing.  He is defiant, and just plain NAUGHTY!  He is only this way with me.  I discipline him, I tell him no when needed, he isn't spoiled by me.  So he isn't acting this way because of my parenting.  I have not always disliked him.  It is a fairly recent development.  I have experience with high needs kids as my older son who will be 7 soon was colicky for the first year of life and didn't sleep thru the night until he was over 4!  He is still a harder child to deal with, but easier.  I also have a daughter who is 9 who has always been super easy!  She is my saving grace.  The older two start back to school soon and I dread it being just my two year old and me.  I honestly don't know what to do.  I can't wait for my husband to get home so I can pass him off to him.   Everything we do is limited because of him.  He is so hard.  Anyone else in my shoes?  I just need a safe place to vent because I will go crazy soon if I don't get this out!

[Claire_MHModerator]

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[hayyou94509]

Don't forget he is a direct result of the way you raise him!!! also your fooling your self if you think it doesn't come off like you don't favor your other kids, kids are smart maybe he feels how much you don't like him as YOU stated.. kids don't understand the right and the wrongs its our job to teach them. imagine what it feels like to not have the love of your mother , I'm sure his actions are appropriate for the way he is feeling :(
Kids are not just jerks their actions are a result of their feelings that the do not have the proper tools to relate to you how they feel..

[allmymarbles]

We had a very calm household and my children were easy, except that one wasn't a sleeper. Two of my children now have children. The first set is relatively easy. The second set (four boys and a girl) are absolutely wild. They break everything, they don't listen too well and their tussle constantly. Why?

That is how my daughter's husband was brought up and he thinks it is normal.

[specialmom]

Hi Silent Muse.  This is an old post so I will write to just you.  I'm sorry your last child, the beloved baby is giving you a run for your money.  Sounds like he is great in a lot of ways and a total challenge in others.  I'm glad he is not violent anymore as that is a deal breaker--------- you have gotten that under control for now.  I don't think he has a disorder or needs medication if he behaves elsewhere and this mainly happens at home.  (disorders usually get worse outside the home rather than the other).  Sounds like you are out and about with him but maybe increase the physical activity.  It calms an overactive nervous system.  Go to parks and run, jump, roll, hang off monkey bars, swing, etc.  Also, I recommend the book "Love and Logic" by Charles and Jim Fey.  It is a good parenting book with advice on how consequences for actions can teach kids to pay--------- but these are natural consequences.  You are the parent---------- you control all things good that happen for this boy.  So if he mistreats you, good things are withheld, ya know?

Hang in there.  He'll be in school soon enough and you will get a break.  Take it one day at a time.  good luck

[silentmuse]

I completely understand you, I have 3 Children as well My oldest is 14, Straight A's, No Drugs, No Smoking, No Drinking, and minds his Peers, He was given a Collage Scholar Ship, just one of the most Wonderful Young Man you could meet, My Saving Angel she is 12,, my god what would i do with out her ( and i do mean all 3 but She just picks up where i cant finish, Dishes Laundry, The whole Mom Job that I should be doing, My oldest helps with the wood and my Man of the House stuff ) and They all get the same here even though the age is different they understand that in front of the Little One, certain things can not be done, Movies that are pg 13, candy on a weekend after diner until he goes to sleep not like it ***** to be the older two just the basics of age difference, when its good its great but for some strange reason my 4 year old son is so intense here, its strange, i raised my first 2 alone and am very proud of who they are, and My 4 year old makes me so proud  he is a lil lover, cuddles helps out, brings in :his share mommy of wood to" hehehehe but when its just me and him WTF yeah is said those letters, but he has destroyed my home, wreaked my dead mothers things, 3 months ago he stoped beating me, (only cause my friends yelled at me to spank him, I did one smack, i had to leave the room so he could not see me cry) but it worked he no longer beats me, and i do mean beats, my ribs broke, my nose, bruises, the older 2 as well all becase he cant have it his way, now the time out stool gives me 5 minutes, then the whole 3 hours of please sit here till the timer goes off, up down running smashing, my god its every 2 minutes with him, I do so much as well paint, color, play dough, schooling, snuggle time, movie time, forts, you name it, but it never seems to be enough stimulation I am a Mom yes but for Christ Sake I need at least 15 minutes to myself, plus i have to keep the fire going and not to mention get it going, now when we are some where else he is peaches and pie I have heard the maybe he needs medication, for what so we can hung out, it is only when he cant have his own way, so I completely feel for you and all other parents at there wits end, my self included :o)

[pattijean9]

I have a child who is 26, a granddaughter 6 months and 2 children that live with me 4 and 8.  The 4 year old has downs and the 8 year old is in the middle of  recovering from an abusive lifestyle of watching Mom and Dad slug it out.  There are a number of books that help. "happiest toddler on the block"  We all do the best we can.  Diversion a great escape for a 3 - 4 year old.  Don't escalate frustration or anger.  Understand it.  It's not really a battle of wills.  YOU are the mother and they are the CHILD.   By 4 a child can understand "When you do that you make me sad."  Just like when you don't get your way.  But our role as parents is to teach our children to be responsible adults.  We can dominate them dictate to them.  We need to explore why they are feeling ANGER, FRUSTRATION.  If it's because they don't get what they want.  Then set up a reward system so they know exactly what they have to accomplish to get what they want.   Children love structure and rules they love knowing that things are fair.  Let's face it in live it won't be, shouldn't it be in our family.

[babywipes]

i have come on here for some help myself i have a 15 yr old lad a 2 and a half year old girl and a 2 month old baby my 2 and a half year old has the most disgusting temper she scares me one min she is like an angel then if something isnt going her way she changes into something uncontrollable. i love kids but she really has tested my patience and still does im frightend of losing control and lashing out at her as when shes on one she nips bites rages destroys anything and its hard work when you are trying to feed the baby i know u may think coz the baby has come along she feels left out but beleive me i spend time with her playing with her even just one to one with her but she has such a very bossy personality its come to the point where i darnt go to functions or partys or anywhere new as she will justboot off when she feels like it and there is no calming her down till she is ready to calm down its getting to the point where i think she may have something wrong with her and that i darnt take her to nursery as i know she will go off on one when i arnt there and im dreading what the teachers will say. she does rule my life i love her so much i dont go to worki just darnt leave her in daycare as id feel bad leaving her i do want to spend time and be with my little girl but right now my patience is wearing thin and i hate myself for not liking her well her behaviour that is i feel such a failure for not being able to handle her as im 34 i just pray 4 her bedtime when shes tucked up in bed and there is no more shouting and stress. god knows what the neighbours must think when she goes on one and i start shouting ive tried the talking approach the cuddling approach but it isnt workingthen the baby starts crying then my lad starts interfering telling her off its just one nightmare i feel not one of them listens to me i feel like my stess levels are guna pop.

[mommyof6kids]

I know it was a while ago that you posted your story. But lately i,ve been having trouble with my 6yr. son and 4yr. daughter. The stress is out of control, I have 6 children all together 16yr. 14yr. 11yr. 9yr. 6yr. an 4yr. my 4 older children went to there Grandparents for the summer, and I can't seem to control my two little ones. But this is what I have disscovered that is sorta the same to your problem. My 16yr. daughter is very easy going, and so are my 11yr. and 9yr. but my other three PLEASE. But I didn't realize how much I wanted all of my children to be like my daughter and when they aren't I have a big pitty party, but mostly it is because I am lazy(I'm not saying you are) but when things don't go the easest way I think they should, I ask my other easy going kids to help. But guess what they are at Grandma's for 2 months and I have to do everything myself I have been so lazy and now I can't handle it, the stress is out of contol. So I need to be the mother I should and know that not every kid is going to be easy, that sometimes I need to break a sweat. And just mommy up and take care of them and disipline them as needed, and start looking at them as my kids and not a job that I hate, we can't quit even if we want. I love them. nowbody said it would be easy.

[mom2three06]

Thank you so much for your kind words!  Some days you just feel like you give and give and then give some more.  Things have gone better the last couple days.  I am trying to lower my expectations, you know, expect the worst but hope for the best?  He is such a sweet little boy, and I love him so much, he just knows which buttons to push!  And you are right, it has just been one challenge after another!  

Thanks for all the supportive comments!  It really helped!  :)

[SuziB]

You poor thing, you sound so tired. It sounds like you have not had much downtime for years now. I know you say your 9 year old is a dream, but she was only just past babyhood when you had your son who was high maintenence and no sooner had you got his sleep sorted when along popped another baby to care for! I can empathise with your comment that everything you do is limited by him. You have quite a range of age groups there to deal with and two year olds are very limiting, especially when you are having to consider the needs of older age group children. It must seem like a long time between now and when he is ready for school. Some eally good ideas here in the posts. I wouldn't normally suggest someone sends their child off to childcare to relieve a problem but it might be an idea for both of you to get a few hours during the day where you have a break from each other. It sounds like you could really do with a change of scene too if every day is a battlefield at the moment. If you were having your own batteries recharged you would probably feel like you had the energy to deal with him once you came home and would be able to enjoy him. I don't think there is anything wrong with your parenting, you are just exhausted with the 'everydayness' of it! I hope the suggestions from everyone have helped and wish you all the best.

[sweet_mom20]

I have something im 22 years old i have a 21/2 year old boy and 5 month old baby and yeah it is hard with 2 years old and im sure all moms say i hate this and pass him off to daddy i used to do something and found out made it more harder to get to listen first u need to see how ur other 2 act around ur 2 year old thats more where he pickes it up and who u baby....this is what i do i sit my 2 year old at the table and i do it everyday i play with him color with him play-doh and stuff like that then when my husband comes home i take outside and let him run and run and run until cant run anymore then when he acts up i pay NO attenion to him at all and soon or later he knows ohh i act bad then dont play with mommy and workes with my son cuz hes a mommy boy...i talk to him and tell him over and over no dont do that and time out and he hates that but u have to give him something when doing something good so he knows ohh i want that ill be good...when i see my son being good and nice i give him one M&M's he loves them and he wants it so wants to be good and talking to him works.....thats what i do and it does work not over night man i went through hell and back before he knows and still acts out hes 2 nothing more u can do......this is what i do i hope it helps and rememeber WONT work over night it took me about a month to get him to act better so hard work but if u stick to it it will work same with dad.....so good luck and god bless ya

[rebbecca]

im sorry u feel that im harsh. and please remember that not everyone is going to agree with u. it was very upsetin to me to read ur post and how u feel about ur 2 year old. i also have children 3 my own and 2 step, 9,7,6,4,and 2. and i understand being overwhelmed. i wish ur family the best!!!!!

[gsrcivic]

I have a three year old boy and I felt, and still feel this way sometimes. He is also straight naughty. If there is a button he will push it, a rule he will break it. I also have a 2 year old daughter who throws typical tantrums and has her moments but nothing compares. So I understand where you are coming from and you are not alone. And someone who has never had such a high maintanance child can suggest things to you but they are not in your shoes. I have tried many things with my son from being nice and keeping my cool to flipping out and spanking him and to ignoring his bad behavior and sticking him in the corner and nothing seems to work for me. I thought maybe because he has a small sister he feels like he lacks the attention but when I give him one on one then he expects no other when we return as a family and that is not possible either...( I have two children that need the attention I can't allow myself to only give it to him every minute of every day.) So it's really a catch 22 you will have to try different things and see what works best for you, each individual child is different and there is no right way because children are not the same. When he acts horrible I think the same way you do.... "I love u but I don't like your right now." So don't feel bad just try to spend some time doing something he likes to do and have some positive time with him and see what works best for you and your son. I did start working a full time job and I am sending him to a really good daycare preschool and he likes it, (that took some time), but it challenges him and he is very smart and I think smart children need to constantly be doing something and learning. He loves it and I love the adult interaction and he is still horrible but it's a nice break for the both of us. A older man in the check out isle at toys r us was eye balling my kids while we were standing in line and I was sure he was annoyed as my son was throwing a fit, and he looked over at me struggling with him and he said.... "Mom, believe it or not time is going to fly and one day you are going to miss this, enjoy it while you can". Good luck and keep up the good work, being a mom is the most challanging and rewarding job of all.

[Nena77]

I have 3 girls ages 8, 6, and 3 and let me tell u my 3 yr old is totally different from my other 2. I have learned to deal with her. I know this is no comfort but they go from terrible two's to horrible three's, just to warn u b4 hand... But my opinion is that young children that are extra work and drive us crazy is becuz they are special, they are developing there own personalities early, those kids are gonna be future leaders. So just try to have patience and control cuz once u lose that its hard to gain it back. Toddlers are very smart, there brains are like sponges they catch on to everything. I would say to do more activites with him, keep him occupied so he wont have time to act up. Maybe take him to a daycare 2 times a week for a few hours just so he can socialize with children his age, or do playdates at the park. They love that too. Good Luck... Your not alone!

[karen717]

My children are both boys and grown now. All children are different. I teach elementary school (9yr olds). Usually I have a class of about 16 boys and 10 girls or so. I have dealt with a lot of behavior issues. I know it is different with a two yr old. Some great suggestions have been posted. I really like the one about day care. If day care is not an option for you, maybe you can find something at least part time that will allow him to be with other children in a structured environment without you around. This will help you have a break and maybe help him have some social interaction with others his age in a structured situation and learn what is socially acceptable.There is nothing better than learning from other children. Your other two are quite a bit older. Maybe he is confused about what he needs to do in order to get his needs met. He may try to imulate their behavior and can't so he gets frustrated. I really believe that socializing with children his own age will help. Keep us posted with updates.

[margypops]

Great games from Tiredbuthappy I have written them down to give to some other Moms.

[tiredbuthappy]

i agree that it sounds like he's either bored or craving attention. either way, you can turn the other 2 returning to school into a positive experience. think outside of the box- get some blankets and make a cave. get your hands on an old appliance box and make a cool fort. get out as much as you can while the weather is still good. look for a local playgroup- my local library has groups for all ages. or, just visit the library together and let him pick special books and videos for you to read and watch together. get some books that show real buildings and challenge him to build similar ones out of blocks or legos. get him a magnifier and jar and go bug hunting. make playdough together- i've got a great recipe if you need. when you play with the playdough, give him plastic utensils, plates, etc... so he can pretend to cook with it. look online for fun and inexpensive activities you can do with toddlers. let me know if you need more suggestions.

[margypops]

I guess you were lucky with your girl if she was "easy" to take care of, it is never easy,its jolly hard yet rewarding work!Actually more often or not it is the Parenting Skills that need 'adjusting" more often than not it is the Parent/child interaction that needs some adjusting.The good advice given you in the previous Posts is excellant try some of it, and see.What triggers the Tantrums take a look at how you react to them maybe you could be calmer and ignore some of it,dont over react, Use the Time out method it does work in most cases where there is a tantrum problem, Place him on a Mat or Chair tell him to saty there yes he will Yell, and come off, do not yell back, quietly place him back on the chair ,over and over, when he is quiet and sorry, give him a big Hug. As he has 2 older siblings check how they are interacting with him, sre they patient and kind, some older children can tease younger children .Mostly play a lot of Physical Games, Ball and take him to the Park, get involved with with play and Fun with him

[April2]

Maybe you ought to consider going back to work and putting him in daycare? That might be just enough of a break for you and a chance for you to be around other adults so that you can be more relaxed when you are around him.
It's interesting that you said he only acts this way around you. I wonder if he's picking up some vibes from you that you dislike him? Or maybe you're expecting too much from a 2 year old? Try and find some fun things to do with him. Take him to the park, bake cookies with him, spend some one on one quality time with him so that hopefully he will not feel the need to act up to get your attention. Just a thought.

[mom2three06]

Thank you for your  comments.  You are right, maybe it will be easier.  The idea of doing an activity together daily is a good one.  Maybe right away after we take the kids to school we can come home and take a walk together.  He loves taking walks.  So thanks for that!

My husband was a difficult baby/child too.  There were no real difficult babies/children on my side of the family.  I honestly didn't think I would be blessed with TWO high needs children, but alas, I am.  I just guess I had this rosey picture in my head, especially after having my daughter who is a dream!  The boys have been anything but rosey, lol.  

[RockRose]

I wonder if it won't actually become easier when your two older ones go back to school.  He'll have you to himself,  with  no distractions or competitors for your attention.

I think maybe you should set up a schedule - with something fun to do every morning - like children's museum,  out to the park with other neighborhood moms,  gymboree,  playgroups,  etc.  

I was curious to read that your older son also has some difficulties - in your family or your husbands are there other males who were very difficult children?

[rebbecca]

were did he learn this from? or do u just treat him differently then the rest of the children?