I feel so guilty about childhood sexplay (now I'm almost 30 and a woman)

[LouiiW123]

I feel so disgusted and ashamed over myself when I’m thinking about the sexplays I used to have as a child. Once me and my brother (how was 5 during that time) was playing a sexgame in our playhose, it all happened spontaneously. We were both naked in there (I was 9 years during that time) and we were making out and I was touching his private areas. I don’t remember how long it lasted, but I do remember that I stopped him when he wanted to touch my private areas. After that we dressed up and went out.  Soon I will turn 30 (I’m a woman) but I still feel so much guilt over it. My older sister did almost the same thing to me when we were younger, and I think that was one of the reasons why I did it… It would be nice to know that I’m not the only one… and do you think I should tell my brother about the “game” we had, so I can ask for forgiveness? I also wonder if this is a normal behavior when you’re a child?

[auntiejessi]

I'd start with a good therapist. Bringing it up to your younger brother, who may or may not remember it, or who may not have the same feelings on it, could trigger things in him. Forgiving yourself doesn't require forgiveness from him.

His forgiveness doesn't erase it from your memory, either. Nothing will, but working with a therapist can help you work through your feelings in a healthy way, and perhaps, if your counselor feels it's appropriate, maybe they can facilitate a meeting with you and your siblings about it.

Start with yourself. Good luck.

[LouiiW123]

Thanks for your kind words and I will <3