If a child has ODD, can they not always show it?

[linzyb24]

After reading about odd, I am thinking maybe my child might have it.  he is 7 yrs old and is totally defiant to me and my husband.  He constantly gets letters home from school about how he doesn't listen or follow directions but he does wonderful with his school work.  I almost wonder if he is getting bored in school! I am not so sure he has it though because he doesn't act out to everyone, just me and my husband.  He is great to grandmas and grandpas and to other people who are with him.  But when we are involved it is like the monster comes out in him.  It seems to be worse towards me than my husband though.  We used to have a great relationship but then I started a full time job and he was always in  daycare.  After that I found out we were pregnant and I ended up out of town for a month with my baby cuz he was born premature. I know that was very hard for him to have me separated like that.  I feel that since then, everything has changed. I am sure it has to do with jealousy over his new brother but I just am looking for some guidance because he is making things really difficult and it is driving me crazy.  we have done everything from time outs to grounding, taking away priviledges, rewarding for good behavior.  God, we have tried it all.  My anger from all this is getting out of control and I need to understand what to do for him.  I have made an appt with a therapist for myself and I am hoping she may have some more tips for me on how to handle this.   My doc says it is a defiancy only towards me  and I should send him to counseling which i think is insane for a 7 yr old.  
So basically my question is if it is this disorder, wouldn't it happen to all adult figures, not just us???
Please help!!
Lindsey B.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Almost all children who display Oppositional Defiant Disorder are more problematic at home than in other settings. Regardless, though, the recommended treatment is a sytematic program of behavior management. You are doing a good thing by getting help for yourself, because it is important that you maintain your equanimity when dealing with your son. If you want a tried and true method to handle your son's behavior, read Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents. It will yield good results.

[rainie26]

NOPE! my stepdaughter was diagnoised w/it back on dec 31st. i had to get her put on meds so i had to find another dr to confirm the issues that would allow for us to put her on meds. i was 4 months pregnant when we got her on meds i am the full time care provider and loving wife to a soldier who has been overseas now for 12 months. they will just about pick and choose who they want to act out to is what it feels like to me. we have been in 2 schools this year the first one she pushed it almost daily w/her teacher. we switched schools in jan and all of a sudden nothing 2 times shes come home on yellow 1 warning basically. i have been there tried everything taken away everything nothing works trust me honey. u have to learn to work around it somehow. tonight prime example she said she never wants me to smile or be happy when she was in time out. i put on happy music and started singing and she got even madder. shes also lashed out and said harsh things about her bio sister who is only 13 months younger then her. normally though odd is diagnoised w/something else. so you should really get him in to find out if theres another diagnoises w/it. theres got to be basically something going on and all i can say is good luck finding a good dr that can help you deal with it. the first one told us she wanted her in anger managment group and individual. im sorry but would u want ur 7 yo w/other kids w/anger problems in a room discussing problems? and also she didnt want to see her again for 3 months. my reaction to that was why are you even here then to help us she wanted her to go see a seperate therapist also for individual therapy. i found a therapist that does both. shes pretty good and a much better dr for meds that we dont see too often but hes completely awesome. good luck let me know if you need any more advice.