Inappropriate Sexual Behavior in 8 yr old boy?

[concernedmotherof2]

My step-sister has a son age 8 and my son is 3 1/2. Her son has always been a problem child. He can be aggressive and mean to my child. My husband does not trust the boy and keeps a close eye on them fearing that he will physically hurt our child.  This weekend we had a traumatic incident while on an overnight stay at a hotel with myself, my sister and the two boys.  They were playing and then they got quiet and we noticed that the bathroom door was closed.  We hollered at them and my 3 yr old came out with underwear twisted. I asked him what they were doing and he said, "He pulled my underwear down and stuck his weewee in my booty". I asked him to repeat it. He said the same thing. My sister yelled at her son and asked if it was true and he said yes.She lost it and started hollering at him and spanking him. She asked him where he learned this and he said he learned it from his older step-brother but wouldn't say when. I don't know exactly what occured to my child because all questioning of the boy came to a hault as soon as he said he learned it from his older step-brother and he was no longer in trouble for doing it to my child.  The older boy is 13 now and is denying anything ever happened. My sister just keeps saying that it's normal for boys to play around and what her son did to my son wasn't sexual but what the older boy did to her son was sexual. While I believe that it is normal for kids of a certain age to show privates and maybe touch, I don't think simulating a sex act is normal. And I don't believe that an 8 yr old doing it to a 3 yr old is normal. Shouldn't an 8 year old know better at this point? I did talk to my child right after the situation about what is appropriate and not appropriate touching, etc. Now that we are back home, should we leave it alone in hopes that he won't remember or should we go over it again and find out exactly what happened and talk more about what's appropriate and not appropriate behavior? Any advice is appreciated.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The behavior does not invite alarm. It does invite straightforward limit setting. Your son needs your help in knowing what behavior is allowed and what is not.

[jimarj]

My son is 10 years old and has a developmental cognitive delay, (dont know what age) he has auditory processing disorder as well. He has been involved with an incident that happened in my house where he was found in bed with his 4 yr old female 2nd step cousin. On questioning him about it he said they were playing mummies and daddies and that it was a true love kiss from the movie "enchanted". My niece was very understanding about it altho it did freak her out at the time, but now beacuse of an incident that happened where my son lifted his t-shirt and encourage this little girl to lift her dress in full view of others she has reported him to the police. I went to my local social work and they have tried to reassure me atho not directly that there is nothing to worry about. My son has an innocence about him. I have cloaked him from the world as much as I can as I dont allow him to watch the news, any violent childrens programmes like ben 10 etc but she cant get past that he is 10 and she is only 4. I have tried to explain to my niece that it is only 10 birthdays he has had and that he does not have and understanding of a 10 year old. Is this normal behaviour? They are going to have to be questioned now anyway but I could do with reassurance

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No, it's not useful to neglect mentioning the incident. In fact, it is very important to reiterate the limits that you established and to reinforce the information about inappropriate types of touching. Hopefully your sister will come to her senses because she is very much misinformed about what can be regarded as normal behavior.