Is it normal for a 3 1/2 year old to steal and lie?

[Boober1982]

I recently had a friend at my house with her son that will be turning 4 in 2 1/2 months, and during their visit I could not believe his behavior. He went on my computer and messed up the display settings, went through my things, stole loose change, stole then hide my husbands wallet, hit his mother (and I mean hit) and to top it all off he went into my fridge and mashed his hands into pudding that I had just made for my family.
My son is only 8 1/2 months, however I have been around MANY children as I come from a very big family, and I have never in my life seen a child behave this way.
I would like to know if I'm expect to much from children, is this normal.

[Victoria01]

You're right, it's not your place to follow him around, it's his mother's. You have enough to do with your own little one. specialmom had some great advice about cutting the visits short or meeting in public and having things for him to do, but, even though his mother may already be upset, when she says she is coming to visit again, remind her to bring stuff for him to do to keep him occupied while you visit. You could also, for a short period while the visit is going on, include him in things that you are doing. It will keep him distracted so he won't be getting into things.

[specialmom]

I agree that you have your own child to take care of and it was his mother's responsibility to watch him.  I feel bad for the little boy, to be honest.  He probably is left like this a lot.  That is a shame and I wish your friend knew how to parent better.  As she got angry by your just telling her all he did, she is not interested in improving the situation.  If you decide to have them over again, close all the doors and have some things to do for him to do in the room where you are at.  If you don't have them, ask his mother to bring a small bag of toys for him.  And when he tries to leave the room, tell him to stay here and get him involved in something right there.  I mean, kids of that age aren't real interested in sitting quietly while the grown ups hang out.  The mom needs to play with him some..  I'd also keep the visits to a short 2 hours at most.  You'll be in this boat more and more yourself.  Kids need supervision and interaction.  If his mom doesn't do it --------  then you'll have to meet her out somewhere.  Good luck, that is a tough situation.  

[Boober1982]

His mother wasn't going from room to room with him, I would check on him from time to time, but I really don't feel that if someone with children is at my house that I should care for them. I was kept pretty busy with my own little muchkin, that is slowy trying to get mobile and into to everything :0)
I guess I probably should have said something, but this is my best friend, and I really didn't know how to tell her I really feel that she should be paying more attention to her children without offending her. At this point she hasn't spoke to me in two days, and that's just from telling her all the crap that he did.
Any suggestions for that?

[Victoria01]

I agree with specialmom that a child of 3 1/2 needs supervision, but I would also like to add that at that age, he should know what is and isn't off limits. I have a boy the same age (will be four at the end of July) and he knows what he can touch and what he can't at home and at other people's homes, but he still needs to be supervised. They get very bored very easily and if there isn't things for them to do... they will find them on their own. His mother should be teaching him these things.

Where was everyone was he was going through your things and on your computer?

As for the hitting, it sounds like he was doing everything possible to get mom's attention (getting into your things and such) and that didn't work so he lashed out.

[specialmom]

It sounds as if he was unsupervised and three  year olds need supervision.  He shouldn't be allowed to just sit with your purse, sit with a computer and etc.  He probably was bored and needed some things to do and that is his mother's responsibility.  This is just my opinoin but this has the red flags of a child that was left to entertain himself and gets very little attention.  Sad.