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Is my child a sociopath?
My son is 10 years old and for as long as I can remember we have been having issues with his behavior. In the beginning it was stealing little things like snack cakes and pens off my desk and it progressed to stealing bigger things like my husbands watch. Added to this he lies almost constantly, sneaks around and is always making up stories to see if he can trick someone into believing him. We took all of that in stride and tried to believe that he was a normal child with behavior problems. We tried postive and negative reinforcement, time-outs, grounding, taking things away and just about everything else at one time or another. We even moved to another state to give him a new start in a new school, with new friends and in a house with his own room instead of in a tiny apartment but things just got worse and worse.
Last year he was having problems in school and nearly failed. He has already taken first grade twice and second grade twice and he nearly had to take second grade for a third time because he didnt want to do the work. Not because he can't or because he is distracted but because he thinks his teachers are too stupid to teach him anything. This year he has been better but I think it is because he has tricked the teacher into giving him most of the answers on his work and making things very easy on him because he is so small and she feels that he is being mistreated at home. They even called child services because of the stories that he told them.
We also found out that he has been peeing in his room. At first he was peeing on the clothes in his laundry basket and then he began peeing in the corners and in his clothes depending on how badly the need was. His reason for this is alternately that he is trying to teach me a lesson and that I should let him wander the house and do whatever he wants and that it is his room and he should be allowed to do anything he wants in there even pee.
When we realized that he was peeing in his room we took him to a mental hospital for inpatient treatment and they kept him for 8 days before releasing him. I was told that they could not keep him there because he was not a danger to anyone and besides he promised not to pee and would follow all the rules ect. That only lasted a few hours after he got home and he was peeing again. We moved him out of his room and into the living room so that he wouldnt have the opportunity to do it anymore and we thought that was the end of that until he tried to starve our ferrets by pretending to feed them but not actually doing it. His reason was that he was tired of them and wanted to see how long it would take them to die. I sat him down to talk about this and he told me that he was also planning to kill the cat, myself and my 10 month old because he was also tired of us. I took him back to the mental hospital where they kept him for 24 days with absolutely no improvement. This time they released him because he said that he no longer planned to kill anyone and was all better. The couselor suggested that I send him to a boys camp because even though he said he was better and they were sending him home they did not feel that he was really better.
So here we are trying to decide what we should do with our son. He is 10 years old and the size of an 8 year old, has mild Cerebral palsy and needs shots in order to grow. If I send him to this camp he will not get the chance to grow normally and wont get all the treatment for his CP. Neither of which will matter if he doesnt get the mental help he needs. I hate the idea of sending my son away because I am his mother and feel that I should be the best thing for him. The problem is that he wants to kill me and thinks that it is okay if he does. He does not express remorse for anything that he has done and never has, is extremely maniputlative and is not affected by punishments or consequences of any kind because he feels that they are only temporary and do not matter. I am nearly convinced that he is a sociopath but he is SO manipulative that the doctors havent been able to see the real child and instead see the fake one that he is so good at portraying. What can I do in this situation?
Last year he was having problems in school and nearly failed. He has already taken first grade twice and second grade twice and he nearly had to take second grade for a third time because he didnt want to do the work. Not because he can't or because he is distracted but because he thinks his teachers are too stupid to teach him anything. This year he has been better but I think it is because he has tricked the teacher into giving him most of the answers on his work and making things very easy on him because he is so small and she feels that he is being mistreated at home. They even called child services because of the stories that he told them.
We also found out that he has been peeing in his room. At first he was peeing on the clothes in his laundry basket and then he began peeing in the corners and in his clothes depending on how badly the need was. His reason for this is alternately that he is trying to teach me a lesson and that I should let him wander the house and do whatever he wants and that it is his room and he should be allowed to do anything he wants in there even pee.
When we realized that he was peeing in his room we took him to a mental hospital for inpatient treatment and they kept him for 8 days before releasing him. I was told that they could not keep him there because he was not a danger to anyone and besides he promised not to pee and would follow all the rules ect. That only lasted a few hours after he got home and he was peeing again. We moved him out of his room and into the living room so that he wouldnt have the opportunity to do it anymore and we thought that was the end of that until he tried to starve our ferrets by pretending to feed them but not actually doing it. His reason was that he was tired of them and wanted to see how long it would take them to die. I sat him down to talk about this and he told me that he was also planning to kill the cat, myself and my 10 month old because he was also tired of us. I took him back to the mental hospital where they kept him for 24 days with absolutely no improvement. This time they released him because he said that he no longer planned to kill anyone and was all better. The couselor suggested that I send him to a boys camp because even though he said he was better and they were sending him home they did not feel that he was really better.
So here we are trying to decide what we should do with our son. He is 10 years old and the size of an 8 year old, has mild Cerebral palsy and needs shots in order to grow. If I send him to this camp he will not get the chance to grow normally and wont get all the treatment for his CP. Neither of which will matter if he doesnt get the mental help he needs. I hate the idea of sending my son away because I am his mother and feel that I should be the best thing for him. The problem is that he wants to kill me and thinks that it is okay if he does. He does not express remorse for anything that he has done and never has, is extremely maniputlative and is not affected by punishments or consequences of any kind because he feels that they are only temporary and do not matter. I am nearly convinced that he is a sociopath but he is SO manipulative that the doctors havent been able to see the real child and instead see the fake one that he is so good at portraying. What can I do in this situation?
My wife caught my son choking the dog yesterday while I was at school, finishing my MA in Psychology. He is 5 and I wanted to see what had caused this behavior or if it was something he had seen or experienced from one of his friends. He does not display the common traits of a personality disorder but after reading your post and those of some of the other people on this blog I thought you needed some support and information. Just some information for you and hopefully a direction of treatment at the end:
The common features of a psychopath and sociopath lie in their shared diagnosis — antisocial personality disorder. The DSM-5 defines antisocial personality as someone have 3 or more of the following traits:
1.Regularly breaks or flaunts the law
2.Constantly lies and deceives others
3.Is impulsive and doesn’t plan ahead
4.Can be prone to fighting and aggressiveness
5.Has little regard for the safety of others
6.Irresponsible, can’t meet financial obligations
7.Doesn’t feel remorse or guilt
Symptoms start before age 15, so by the time a person is an adult, they are well on their way to becoming a psychopath or sociopath.
Psychology researchers generally believe that psychopaths tends to be born — that it’s a genetic predisposition — while sociopaths tend to be made by their environment. The last part of that sentence is particularly important. If you think your child is suffering from sociopathic tendencies and state that to a caretaker, they may indeed look at you as the problem. Here is the thing as I see it, if you, in your heart are part of the problem then own it. Realize that you are a human being and made mistakes, what makes you an adult is realizing that you have to be honest in order to seek treatment for your child. If you had nothing to do with the current situation then realize your child might be a psychopath. Either way a clear and thorough evaluation of the child must be completed.
Psychopaths, in general, have a hard time forming real emotional attachments with others. Instead, they form artificial, shallow relationships designed to be manipulated in a way that most benefits the psychopath. But psychopaths can often be seen by others as being charming and trustworthy.
Researchers tend to believe that sociopathy is the result of environmental factors, such as a child or teen’s upbringing in a very negative household that resulted in physical abuse, emotional abuse, or childhood trauma. Sociopaths, in general, tend to be more impulsive and erratic in their behavior than their psychopath counterparts.
Both psychopaths and sociopaths present risks to society, because they will often try and live a normal life while coping with their disorder. But psychopathy is likely the more dangerous disorder, because they experience a lot less guilt connected to their actions. Not all people we’d call a psychopath or sociopath are violent. Violence is not a necessary ingredient (nor is it for a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder) — but it is often present.
Psychologists call these kinds of childhood behaviors a conduct disorder. Conduct disorders involve four categories of problem behavior:
◾Aggression to people and animals
◾Destruction of property
◾Deceitfulness or theft
◾Serious violations of rules
If you recognize these symptoms (and the specific symptoms of conduct disorder) in a child or young teen, they’re at greater risk for antisocial personality disorder.
Taken from : Differences Between a Psychopath vs Sociopath
By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
I would recommend seeking help from a Psychiatrist with a care team. The care team would also consist of a Psychologist, Associate Psychologist and possibly some nurses. Initially you need to go see the Psychiatrist by yourself or with your spouse. This would be required so that you can fully explain the actions of your child, the manipulations that have occurred and any other information that you think would be pertinent. The Psychiatrist will consult with the Psych's and determine the course of action from there. Good luck and my thoughts are with you!
The common features of a psychopath and sociopath lie in their shared diagnosis — antisocial personality disorder. The DSM-5 defines antisocial personality as someone have 3 or more of the following traits:
1.Regularly breaks or flaunts the law
2.Constantly lies and deceives others
3.Is impulsive and doesn’t plan ahead
4.Can be prone to fighting and aggressiveness
5.Has little regard for the safety of others
6.Irresponsible, can’t meet financial obligations
7.Doesn’t feel remorse or guilt
Symptoms start before age 15, so by the time a person is an adult, they are well on their way to becoming a psychopath or sociopath.
Psychology researchers generally believe that psychopaths tends to be born — that it’s a genetic predisposition — while sociopaths tend to be made by their environment. The last part of that sentence is particularly important. If you think your child is suffering from sociopathic tendencies and state that to a caretaker, they may indeed look at you as the problem. Here is the thing as I see it, if you, in your heart are part of the problem then own it. Realize that you are a human being and made mistakes, what makes you an adult is realizing that you have to be honest in order to seek treatment for your child. If you had nothing to do with the current situation then realize your child might be a psychopath. Either way a clear and thorough evaluation of the child must be completed.
Psychopaths, in general, have a hard time forming real emotional attachments with others. Instead, they form artificial, shallow relationships designed to be manipulated in a way that most benefits the psychopath. But psychopaths can often be seen by others as being charming and trustworthy.
Researchers tend to believe that sociopathy is the result of environmental factors, such as a child or teen’s upbringing in a very negative household that resulted in physical abuse, emotional abuse, or childhood trauma. Sociopaths, in general, tend to be more impulsive and erratic in their behavior than their psychopath counterparts.
Both psychopaths and sociopaths present risks to society, because they will often try and live a normal life while coping with their disorder. But psychopathy is likely the more dangerous disorder, because they experience a lot less guilt connected to their actions. Not all people we’d call a psychopath or sociopath are violent. Violence is not a necessary ingredient (nor is it for a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder) — but it is often present.
Psychologists call these kinds of childhood behaviors a conduct disorder. Conduct disorders involve four categories of problem behavior:
◾Aggression to people and animals
◾Destruction of property
◾Deceitfulness or theft
◾Serious violations of rules
If you recognize these symptoms (and the specific symptoms of conduct disorder) in a child or young teen, they’re at greater risk for antisocial personality disorder.
Taken from : Differences Between a Psychopath vs Sociopath
By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
I would recommend seeking help from a Psychiatrist with a care team. The care team would also consist of a Psychologist, Associate Psychologist and possibly some nurses. Initially you need to go see the Psychiatrist by yourself or with your spouse. This would be required so that you can fully explain the actions of your child, the manipulations that have occurred and any other information that you think would be pertinent. The Psychiatrist will consult with the Psych's and determine the course of action from there. Good luck and my thoughts are with you!
Hi Everyone. I haven't been back on here in a while. I have gotten a few messages but I haven't really felt up to answering them. Shortly after I made this post my kids were taken from me by child services. At the time my older son was just turning 11 and my baby was 16 months. It was a nightmare. Cody had been telling his special ed teacher that we were abusing him. Telling her horrible stories that could not possibly have been true. For example she said I would withhold food for days at a time or I would throw him down on the kitchen floor when he refused to do his homework. He never ever missed school so that should tell her that he was able to eat and that I didn't beat him since there were never ever any bruises. Unfortunately he is an amazing liar and she wanted to believe that she was helping him. She called CPS repeatedly and to the point that they were at my house every couple of days to check on him and my home. I even agreed to let them have someone come out everyday for 2hrs so that they could monitor him and the situation. So at that point we had their worker and a counselor out every day but still she kept making reports and he kept lying to her and others at the school. But never did he lie to CPS and tell them that I did any of these things.
Well one day CPS showed up at my house with an order to remove my baby from my home. They agreed that there was no evidence of physical abuse but said that since my son kept making these allegations then there was obviously something wrong in the home and so they put "emotional abuse" on the order and took my baby. I was told they were putting both kids in the same home and I was absolutely terrified. I got all the reports about Cody threatening to kill the baby and begged them on my knees on the street to keep them separated. Thankfully they did. If for no other reason than to cover themselves in case something happened.
Cody was at school so they took him from there. I didn't see either of my kids for 5 days while I waited for court. When I got to court they told me that Cody had been placed with his special ed teacher since they had a previous relationship. Apparently she had gone through the process of getting certified as a foster parent while she was making all the reports so that she could have Cody and my baby when they were removed from my home.
I was able to get my baby back after 2 months but only after I agreed to let them keep Cody while I went through parenting classes. We dealt with the state for over 3 yrs. They kept telling me that Cody couldn't come home because he would never let me parent him but I wanted to try. Eventually they agreed to let him come home 2 1/2 yrs after he was taken.
This was after tons of therapy and lots of lies. When he came home he immediately went back to his old tricks. He started lying to me about his dad. Told his caseworkers that I made him stay in his room all day after we had spent the day at the lake and zoo. He pretended to overdose on his meds (he wasn't taking them in foster care and I had to start him back on them at home) and I called 911 just so they could tell me that even though he was out of it and vomitting that he was fine. The next day we went to his therapist and he spent 2hrs, while we were in the waiting room, vomiting on himself rather than using the provided trashcan and acting totally spaced out. His therapist told him to cut it out and act right but couldnt do anything else or say if he was faking. We had to carry him to the car and strap him in. When we got home he jumped out of the car and ran into the house. I went into his room and asked if he was feeling better and he said "Oh yeah, I was faking. I'm done now though. I'm gonna go play with my friends." I was heartbroken. If he was willing to hurt himself like that to upset me then what else was he capable of?
We decided that we had no choice and gave him back to the state. 2 months later I signed over my rights to him and he wasn't my son anymore. He was adopted by his foster mother a few months after that and I didnt hear from him again for about 2 years. When he called he asked why we had moved. Apparently he had someone take him by our old house and saw that we didn't live there anymore. He also went by my husband's past employer and was looking for him. We haven't told him where we live and I refuse to let him see my younger son even though Cody asks to visit regularly. He called from a mental hospital and begged to come home. I told him absolutely not. Even though he swears that he has changed.
He is 16 now and his adoptive mother had him removed from her home a few months ago after he hit her during an outburst. He is living in a group home which is basically a large medical facility. He will be there until he is 18 and after that we don't know.
It has been really hard. All the downs and really far downs had a huge impact on my health and on the development of my younger son. He has anxiety issues and other developmental issues that were caused from being taken from us and from us spending every spare moment trying to get his brother home. Finally giving up Cody was the best thing that I have done. I think I hurt everyone more by holding on to something and someone that wasn't ever going to work. I love Cody and always will but when I think of him it will always be the sweet 5 yr old boy that loved me and everyone else that I will picture in my head.
Well one day CPS showed up at my house with an order to remove my baby from my home. They agreed that there was no evidence of physical abuse but said that since my son kept making these allegations then there was obviously something wrong in the home and so they put "emotional abuse" on the order and took my baby. I was told they were putting both kids in the same home and I was absolutely terrified. I got all the reports about Cody threatening to kill the baby and begged them on my knees on the street to keep them separated. Thankfully they did. If for no other reason than to cover themselves in case something happened.
Cody was at school so they took him from there. I didn't see either of my kids for 5 days while I waited for court. When I got to court they told me that Cody had been placed with his special ed teacher since they had a previous relationship. Apparently she had gone through the process of getting certified as a foster parent while she was making all the reports so that she could have Cody and my baby when they were removed from my home.
I was able to get my baby back after 2 months but only after I agreed to let them keep Cody while I went through parenting classes. We dealt with the state for over 3 yrs. They kept telling me that Cody couldn't come home because he would never let me parent him but I wanted to try. Eventually they agreed to let him come home 2 1/2 yrs after he was taken.
This was after tons of therapy and lots of lies. When he came home he immediately went back to his old tricks. He started lying to me about his dad. Told his caseworkers that I made him stay in his room all day after we had spent the day at the lake and zoo. He pretended to overdose on his meds (he wasn't taking them in foster care and I had to start him back on them at home) and I called 911 just so they could tell me that even though he was out of it and vomitting that he was fine. The next day we went to his therapist and he spent 2hrs, while we were in the waiting room, vomiting on himself rather than using the provided trashcan and acting totally spaced out. His therapist told him to cut it out and act right but couldnt do anything else or say if he was faking. We had to carry him to the car and strap him in. When we got home he jumped out of the car and ran into the house. I went into his room and asked if he was feeling better and he said "Oh yeah, I was faking. I'm done now though. I'm gonna go play with my friends." I was heartbroken. If he was willing to hurt himself like that to upset me then what else was he capable of?
We decided that we had no choice and gave him back to the state. 2 months later I signed over my rights to him and he wasn't my son anymore. He was adopted by his foster mother a few months after that and I didnt hear from him again for about 2 years. When he called he asked why we had moved. Apparently he had someone take him by our old house and saw that we didn't live there anymore. He also went by my husband's past employer and was looking for him. We haven't told him where we live and I refuse to let him see my younger son even though Cody asks to visit regularly. He called from a mental hospital and begged to come home. I told him absolutely not. Even though he swears that he has changed.
He is 16 now and his adoptive mother had him removed from her home a few months ago after he hit her during an outburst. He is living in a group home which is basically a large medical facility. He will be there until he is 18 and after that we don't know.
It has been really hard. All the downs and really far downs had a huge impact on my health and on the development of my younger son. He has anxiety issues and other developmental issues that were caused from being taken from us and from us spending every spare moment trying to get his brother home. Finally giving up Cody was the best thing that I have done. I think I hurt everyone more by holding on to something and someone that wasn't ever going to work. I love Cody and always will but when I think of him it will always be the sweet 5 yr old boy that loved me and everyone else that I will picture in my head.
our five year old daughter has been doing all of these things short of threatening our lives, she has almost killed her grandparents dog by wrapping a leash around its neck and body, constantly hurts our pets, sneaks around all night and wakes up her year old brother and sometimes her 4month old brother. She hurts both her brothers by hitting them with objects and pushing her one year old brother off of chairs and into tables, is constantly arguing thinks she is always right, lies all the time, pees in her room even though we keep the lights on at night so she can get to the bathroom without fear of the dark, has stolen her mothers jewelry and my expensive items from in our room while we sleep. She hurts herself by scratching and pulling her hair and running into walls, lies to friends and teachers about where the marks come from saying it was us. We have had social services called on us numerous times because of this and each time we are given the all clear. We have also moved provinces to give her a better life and a new start. We are at our witts end with it all we have told her we are going to take her to the hospital and she welcomes it gets ready and everything and when we do go acts like the perfect angel so the doctors send us packing without any help at all. Phsycologists just keep saying she is to young to assess. My wife feels trapped at home while I am at work and is worried of even having a shower by herself cause she is worried that our daughter is going to hurt the other children. We have tried all sorts of punishments from time outs to a vast majority of other types of disipline nothing works in fact she tells us it wont work and that we are waisting our time. It may sound screwed up but it is a relief to find out we are not the only ones going through this though very upsetting that none of us have answers on how to deal with this short of addmitting them, I love my daughter dearly as she is my first born when we thought we couldnt have kids. We feel like we are failing her and getting angry with eachiother due to the stress that is put on us. We have lost multiple homes due to her behaviour and lost all damage deposits due to the damage she has done to her rooms and other rooms. We try to get her nice toys/bedding and it all gets destroyed. ''
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signed a stressed dad
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signed a stressed dad
COMMUNITY LEADER
Boy, with a 144 comments on this post. I've got no idea what you were referring to. Always check the date. Some of these go back a long ways.
Yes, he can get the services of an IEP if the child meets the criteria for one of the 13 areas of a disabling condition for that state. Each state has different sets of criteria for each disabling condition. Suggesting that the parent sue the school district for not following through with an evaluation might get the parent some money, but that money won't fix the child. As an experienced special education teacher, I can tell you that I haven't found anything that changes the manipulative nature and improves the lack of empathy that these children have. I understand what these parents are talking about and suggesting that a change in the family dynamics might be the cause is an insult. I do agree that if the school district can offer some services it will help to get him get some small group services. The teacher will then be able to support the parent when trying to explain the extreme behaviors with a therapist.. An IEP will also protect him from being suspended if the behaviors are a result of the disabling condition.
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