Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Is my child a sociopath?

My son is 10 years old and for as long as I can remember we have been having issues with his behavior.  In the beginning it was stealing little things like snack cakes and pens off my desk and it progressed to stealing bigger things like my husbands watch.  Added to this he lies almost constantly, sneaks around and is always making up stories to see if he can trick someone into believing him.  We took all of that in stride and tried to believe that he was a normal child with behavior problems. We tried postive and negative reinforcement, time-outs, grounding, taking things away and just about everything else at one time or another.  We even moved to another state to give him a new start in a new school, with new friends and in a house with his own room instead of in a tiny apartment but things just got worse and worse.  

Last year he was having problems in school and nearly failed. He has already taken first grade twice and second grade twice and he nearly had to take second grade for a third time because he didnt want to do the work. Not because he can't or because he is distracted but because he thinks his teachers are too stupid to teach him anything. This year he has been better but I think it is because he has tricked the teacher into giving him most of the answers on his work and making things very easy on him because he is so small and she feels that he is being mistreated at home.  They even called child services because of the stories that he told them.

We also found out that he has been peeing in his room. At first he was peeing on the clothes in his laundry basket and then he began peeing in the corners and in his clothes depending on how badly the need was. His reason for this is alternately that he is trying to teach me a lesson and that I should let him wander the house and do whatever he wants and that it is his room and he should be allowed to do anything he wants in there even pee.

When we realized that he was peeing in his room we took him to a mental hospital for inpatient treatment and they kept him for 8 days before releasing him.  I was told that they could not keep him there because he was not a danger to anyone and besides he promised not to pee and would follow all the rules ect.  That only lasted a few hours after he got home and he was peeing again.  We moved him out of his room and into the living room so that he wouldnt have the opportunity to do it anymore and we thought that was the end of that until he tried to starve our ferrets by pretending to feed them but not actually doing it.  His reason was that he was tired of them and wanted to see how long it would take them to die.  I sat him down to talk about this and he told me that he was also planning to kill the cat, myself and my 10 month old because he was also tired of us.  I took him back to the mental hospital where they kept him for 24 days with absolutely no improvement.  This time they released him because he said that he no longer planned to kill anyone and was all better.  The couselor suggested that I send him to a boys camp because even though he said he was better and they were sending him home they did not feel that he was really better.

So here we are trying to decide what we should do with our son.  He is 10 years old and the size of an 8 year old, has mild Cerebral palsy and needs shots in order to grow.  If I send him to this camp he will not get the chance to grow normally and wont get all the treatment for his CP. Neither of which will matter if he doesnt get the mental help he needs.  I hate the idea of sending my son away because I am his mother and feel that I should be the best thing for him.  The problem is that he wants to kill me and thinks that it is okay if he does.  He does not express remorse for anything that he has done and never has, is extremely maniputlative and is not affected by punishments or consequences of any kind because he feels that they are only temporary and do not matter.  I am nearly convinced that he is a sociopath but he is SO manipulative that the doctors havent been able to see the real child and instead see the fake one that he is so good at portraying.  What can I do in this situation?
153 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I am Bi-Polar and I was never cruel to animals.  I think you have your definitions all wrong.   Bi-polar children are not cruel to animals.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I too have had the pleasure of trying to raise a step daughter whom I have been suspicious of being a sociopath since day one. She demonstrated all the behaviors of what ppl are mentioning. I talked to a psychiatrist and he said they do not diagnose that at least until the age of 13 yrs. She was only diagnosed with behavior disorder from the poor school system that has had to endure her rioting in the classroom for the past 10 years. I met her father when she was 10 and she was still wetting the bed every night and said it was because the rom leaked in my bottom floor apartment onto the couch she was sleeping on when she visited. Mind you there was no leak of any sort. I would find the blankets wadded up in my food pantry. Yes, I have always been afraid of waking up standing over us in bed as this was at least an every other night occurance. She was taken away from biological mother at 6 months due to mother doing drugs while pregnant and continuing to do them. Upon evaluation at birth she did have drugs in her system and mother underwent treatment and failed. The daughter then went to foster care and eventually given to my now husband. She, since I have met her, has always had above normal issues, and fathers family plays it off as it is her disabilities that cause these issues. She can get a's at school on the good years. (3 ttl now) Though I have to spend most of my energy on her day in and out and do not get any rest to achieve this. She also can behave, UNTIL, she gets what it is she is after. Then she is the spawn of Satin himself and does not care who she hurts.
She is now 15 and just this last weekend was suppose to be at a friends house for her friend's sweet sixteen party the next day. This was on Friday. She went to store with family and got stuff to do party. When everyone else went upstairs to go to bed, she called a 19 year old boy that we do not even know exists, and had him over to pick her up. She, as far as we know, as w account for her every waking minute other than in school, is not even seeing boys at all. They were found by the police in his car in a park.
  Of, course, dad is furious, and overstepped discipline, as she would not talk to him about any of it after he was awoken at 4 am to go get her from police at park. I will admit, there has been many times I have wanted to whip her butt myself with her defiance and lies, and snickering in your face afterwards. Though, I have only one when she was sent for a time out and smacked my face. I have taken a great deal of parenting classes, and raised 4 children, 2 with mental disabilities such as Bi-Polar and ODD. I also have a distant relative who has a son who was institutionalized for behaviors, but now is out and living a regular life:) I am not a stranger to this behavior by no means, but this sociopath tendencies can be so overwhelming to the best parents. The step daughter of course, after making several false accusations of her father abusing her, including when he wasn't even home, now had a reason to run to school and tell all. She told the social worker she had her mother's number. The social worker right off the bat, checked into it and found her to be manipulative. The step- daughter said she wanted to go live with the mother that she hasn't had contact from in over 11 years, because she said from what she has heard from others that know her mom, there would be no rules there. This of course, she denies saying to the social worker. ( The mother has had seven kids and has custody of the last one merely due to child's father being in the home) She also denies saying anything at school, which to me, was a blessing because now they will do something about all of it.
  The SD was in the front room at time of meeting with social worker when I asked if there were specialized therapists that work with this kind of thing. After she left SD (grounded indefinitely) comes back out of her room and says. " I was thinking that maybe talking to you or my daughter will do me more good than therapy". I felt like the SH** was getting deep this time for her to be pulling out all the straws. I told her that we gave her all the help we can and that we have to leave it to the professionals now. ( She has been in counseling for years before and hate every minute of it as they see her true colors after a month or so with 3 days a week) Also, her dad is on purposely not talking to anyone for 2 days to give her the impression he is mad as a wet hornet. He works third shift and as soon as he left she came out here crying asking about what she can do to make her dad not mad at her anymore. Now her world is shrinking and it is working like a charm. We are gonna' play this out for a so maybe she can remember for a spell.
  She doesn't have empathy other than taught, behaviors and feelings towards everyone.
  The father was just talked to about more effective ways to discipline as the social worker was of foreign descent and said if either of her twin daughters did that at 15 they would be lucky to get off so easy with their father.
  She however, is getting more therapy and counseling than she thought was even possible, as she is under my insurance, and it is fortunately very good. Her wanna' be, run around, teen years just came to an abrupt halt now that she has no where else to turn with the negativity. I am just hoping it will help her in the other areas as well, as this has kept our lives in uproar at least 6 months of every year for the past almost 6 yrs. She was also like this as a young child and in school from what I have heard from her aunts and school counselor.   I will not beat her or throw her to the wolves, so to speak, but if she resides under my roof, she will show daily that she will be respectable, or she will go to school( aka: counseling) to learn to do so.
  Bottom line is with anyone like her. If the people they know as parents don't care, it will liter our neighborhoods with more criminals and single parents with children needing care from the system. This is not to be taking lightly and I myself would respect anyone who can not be left to deal with this as this is one of my toughest struggles to date. I can not see this as anything more than a challenge as I have already been here for almost 6 years and only have 2-3 left before she moves out and I can have my life back. I also know I may sound a little rough around the edges about this, but I have learned to be one tough cookie:) Good luck to all of you, and I hope from somewhere deep down you can find the strength to muster on in your journey. These kids are misguided by their own brains and we can only teach them how they SHOULD feel and think, as they do not know otherwise. No one needs a diagnosis for this, and if she straightens out soon, she could be actually accepted into the college and then the workforce and American every day life. There is hope, we just gotta' find the will:)

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My son was diagnosed in the early 90's with ADHD and he was on a 504 plan at school because they considered him health impaired but the stuff he was doing there was something more than just that diagnoses. I knew something was definitely wrong with him at an early age but when we divorced my boys lived with their dad cause I didn't want them not to grow up not having grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles around and in their lives. I didn't have that growing up cause of living in different states . Their dad had all of his family around living close to each other. I wanted them to have better than I did. Obviously my son did get the help he needed as a teenager cause his dad shipped him off to a military boarding school within a year of getting him. This school was in a different state. He wouldn't let me take him. Cause he didn't want to pay me support. Now my son is an immature adult always making stupid choices and  causing so many problems for other people. He truly doesn't see he's got a problem and he won't get help or get on meds. Cause he sees everybody else is the problem not him. His own brother won't have anything to do with him. It's just sad for everyone. I wish this state had a bakers act like Florida. The second drug and alcohol treatment center I tried to get him in refused to take him cause he became belligerent and hostile while there. It's kind of funny how he plays these game..... When people kick him out and he's on the street he turns to pot and stuff but once he's under my roof he's clean cold turkey. He turns it on and off. He tells everyone " yeah I'm a drug addict!!!!!" All excited and hyped about when he tells the story to everyone like its a badge of honor and he's profundity of it. Even the army kicked him out cause of his behavior. He didn't even make it through AIT before he was chartered out because of patterns of misconduct. But he tells everyone he was in the military and they reason he got out was because he couldn't pass the PT test which is a bulls**t lie. He embellished story upon story. He a pathological liar. He needs help but he's an adult and all I can do is kick him out again.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sounds like what I had to go through with my oldest son. It started when he was very little too and he would steal, manipulate, lie, ease drop on other peoples conversations, pit  parent against parent. He tried to take a butter knife and  came after his little brother when he was 5 cause he was so jealous that  time was being taken from him. He would threaten suicide and other things to get what he wanted. Me and his father divorced after 11 years. My son is 26 now an he an immature, impulsive adult now....in trouble with the law, going couch to couch, using people to get his needs met. Goes to the next sucker and tells them stories to get people to feel sorry for him and they take him in and within a month he's thrown out because of his behaviors and manipulating ways and the constant lies he tells. His own dad refuses to have him in the house, no aunts, uncles, cousins or friends want him living with them. Even his grandmother refuses to have him live with her. I'm the only one he's got and it's hard for me to deal with him. He's done this to himself and never learns from the stuff he has done cause he just keeps getting himself into messes. I'm not bailing him out of his problems anymore. He goes to jail that's where he'll sit. I know I sound bitter and I'm sorry for that but people have seen what this kid has put me through. It doesn't end when they turn 18 just so you know. I found that out. He's been in drug rehab.... He was there a week before they kicked him out for threatening another patient there. They said he was bipolar. The one thing I could say to the parents of young children who do this stuff and no body wants to believe you. Buy a hidden camera and audio and set it up in the house where it's unnoticed so things can get recorded so you have something to show these doctors. I wished I did that. Best of luck to all of you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think that there are several people that have written in about their childs behavior that exhibit symptoms far out of the realm of the ADHD diagnosis criteria. I wonder if ADHD is an example of an "overworked diagnosis"? It appears  to me that some of these kids, parents have written about are seriously mentally ill.Being either sociopaths or psychopaths.A few sound like Asbergers as well I have witnessed a child such as some describe above as well as witnessing a child with ADHD over a period of time and I don't see any correlation in behavior This must be unimaginably lonely, scary  and overwhelming for these parents I can not begin to fathom how hard it is for them..I shudder as I write this but these kids used to be called Bad Seeds. These kids are incapable of love or empathy, completely lack a conscience or any form of moral compass, are master manipulators,,cunning, duplicitous to name a few  and this is scary stuff (especially for families living with it) That is horrific enough to even imagine but to have to live with it, that behavior without the hope of resources, information, community support and acknowledgement is tragic for families!! it would be amazing to know that our "system" did work for a change especially for parents like these who so desperately need help and to be heard.
Helpful - 0
189897 tn?1441126518
COMMUNITY LEADER
          Any chance she has ADD.  It would explain a lot.  And it is something that is usually missed in girls because they are not the hyper little boys.  Interesting link here on ADD in girls and women.     http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/740.html
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community

Top Children's Health Answerers
189897 tn?1441126518
San Pedro, CA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments