Is sibling necessary?

[Samreen143]

Being in India, its very common what I am starting to face now. My daughter is almost 3 yrs and relatives, cousins and both side mums have started telling me that we should start thinking of a second child and plan soon may be within next 6 mths or so......I wont say we are not prepared raher we are not willing. Is it really necessary to have a second child for yourself or for the first kid.
I shall like to put forth our reasons behind not willing to have a second one but before that plz lemme have some views.

Thanks
Supriya

[Samreen143]

Thanks Margy for the lovely complements :-) I'd like to share some more :-)

[Samreen143]

Yes Sarah...she loves to be at her school and is an outstanding kid there. She has won 4 certificates within 7 mths although she is in the younger batch as she is still 2yrs and 8 mths. Thanks for your wishes :-)

One more thing...could you plz guide me how can I change my profile name from Samreen to SUpriya... SOmehow, I am not being able to track the way :-(

[supermomma531]

Supriya;
  You are most welcome for the information. Anytime you have a question or a concern, please feel free to come here and ask for help. Someone will always answer. I'm really happy for you and your daughter that you are both able to conquer the toilet training issue. It can be a very challenging issue. I do not look forward to doing this chore again as I have three children. My youngest is 18 months old. I really don't like the potty training issue but I know it has to be done sooner or later. I will bet that your daughter already has a bunch of friends and is a very good girl in school! Does she enjoy school? I wish you the best of luck. Sarah

[Samreen143]

I had been seeking both of yours and other ladies' assistance to toilet train Sam and YESS...we did it...the sticker method really worked for her and she is almost toilet trained now except atnights and few accidents that too mostly when she is too busy with something very interesting and doesnt want to have a break :-) Thanks for this margy and supermomma.

[Samreen143]

Hi supermomma,

Yup..I have come after a good break. Actually I was very very occupied by the admission procedures for Samreen(my daughter...my name is Supriya). SInce last 2 mths I had been surveying about good schools and now she is into a very good school.Session would begin in APril...and you all throughot these procedures and the expenses on eductaion, I kept feeling that this is much more impt than to think of a second kid...Just to think of saving fior a second kid how can I compromise with what my princess is worthy of. We were looking into some good public or convent school with good co-curriculars too and in all this I was straight away ruling out the high standard private schools thinking that it might get costlier in coming years...Frankly sharing...we can comfortably afford those private schools..they are few in number till date but are really expanding....but I somewhere in the corner of my mind had the feeling..what if we have a second kid..then how would we afford 2 kids in such a school and also as we wish to have Sam join evening hobby classes..how would be able to manage all that with 6 members in family to support.... After all the head stuffing and exercise , my husband just shook me...I would say woke me up and said - this is just the first step of our angel's life and you are already thinking of compromising upon the school thinking of having to nurture a second kid...you should understand how much we shall need to compromise on ourselves and Samreen for a baby who has not yet come and who would not come on this earth if we do not wish to...He made me realise that its important we give the best to Sam rather than thinking of divide it into 2.
As per the other points of yours...Sam is a first moments shy girl ..she takes some time to get frank, just like her Dad, but once she is friends she is very calm and sweet. Right now she is not much into friends but I hope joining hobby classes would help her...she is very very possessive about me n her Dad and doesnt take the sight of any other baby in our arms.She would not cry or hurt the baby or anything but would just stand queitly and watch and not respond to anything..otherwise she is fond of playing with kids. COusins...mmm...no...we are not a joint family and we both are the eldest on both sides so Sam is the first kid of this generation :-) but we give her ample and quality time and have practical plans to keep her busy now that she turns 3.
I know my post is going tooo long but if you guys dont mind, I would like to share my issues here and then look for your humble suggestions :-)

[supermomma531]

Hi Samereen143!
   I haven't heard from you in a long time! How have you been? I read some of your posts here and agree with margypops that if you don't want to have any more children then you shouldn't. This should be your choice with your husband and nobody else s. You need to be up front and honest with you relatives and tell them what your wishes are. And then leave it at that. Keep going on with your plans and life. Does your daughter have friends she can play with often? How about cousins? If she does, then she has plenty of playmates. Kids also need down time as well as adults do to unwind from the day. I'm sure that she is being raised just fine and she really doesn't need a sibling unless you and your husband decide to give her one. I hope that you are doing well and have a great night.

[margypops]

Perhaps you dont have to make any descision anyway you can always change your mind later cant you, here it is our choice and ours alone , if you had a baby now it would be because the Family put pressure on you to do so, it is not them having the Baby it is you, let them have a lot if they so wish ,your wish is not to. I agree with you that bringing a child into the world should be because you want that child not under duress. So get tough , say it once, "I do not want to have another child right now, I may change my mind in the future we have things to do, we are too busy ' Make sure that they all hear that, then do not listen to anyone pestering you again, if they start politly walk away, not in rudeness but because you cannot continue to listen to them. Be in control of your Destiny. Good Luck  ps... In the US I encourage Folks to have more children,(if they want to ) in your case you dont want to and are being co erced

[Samreen143]

Thanks Margy for your support. Yeah its quite different here in India and the ONLY point that is troubling me is that our elders and relatives might push this into Sam's mind about a sibling and dont know how it would affect her.
Margy...is it wrong being selfish for yourself for points like - I wish to keep working and attending my family as a healthy mum and not a stressed out one. I and my hubby wish to enjoy phases of our life...things we could never get during our childhood because of some constraints..like my hubby has been the only earning hand since he was in 10th..supported his n his sis's studies till higher studies..spent on both marriages...purchased a home of his own..and then our own family expenses and our parents too are with us and we have their expenses to bear too along with Sam's devt and career.
He says he never ever tasted a coke till he was 22yrs as he used to feel spending a 20 on one coke would serve him bike petrol for 2 days..this is the way he saved all throughout. Now we lead a good life financially by Gods grace and now he wishes to learn guitar...swimming etc which he couldnt during his age...and he is very much attached to Sam and wishes that we 3 join evrything together and have a gala time all throughout..Is this wrong to think of...instead take an additional Sib responsibilty and then we would not be able to plan our lives this way. EVen I with 2 sibs of mine never got a chance to join hobbies or vacations ect.All 3 of us are well educated n professionals but isnt that part of enjoying life equally impt.
ALso I am working with my hubby  - 10-7...and if I plan a second one..I will have to take a break of at least an yr from my career...
All this forces me to think...Can giving a company to baby be so impt that you sacrifice your lifestyle and dreams for that?? On the other hand does it really make the kid feel ALONE as she grows up during childhood...teenage and adulthood when she needs to share anything in life..Cant parents be best pals...WOuld she ever feel this missing part in her life if we try to be the best parents n pals to her??

Guys kindly help me settle down my whirpools !!

[margypops]

Thank you for your interesting post, here we believe it is an individual choice whether to have more family ,as you point out we live in a differant culture, we need more children in The US not enough are being born, however it has to be the parents of the child who decide, not their relatives. It would not be good to have another child because your relatives think you should, again I believe in India ,family does have more input, .If you both determine you are not having more, tell them all ONCE then do not get into it again,if they speak of it politely walk away, do not react, it is your choice, we call it Freedom in the US...good luck