Avatar universal

Is this normal 5 year old behavior?

Things have been really rough with my son lately, and I think I am going to call his doctor in the morning and ask for a referral for a phsychologist.  But I really wanted to ask for opinions beforehand, because I have never had a 5 year old before and I do not know what is 'normal' behavior.

Lately it seems like my son WILL not listen.  I will tell him to do something and like 2 minutes later he is distracted and says he forgets that I told him to do whatever.  For example...I usually have a trashcan under our kitchen sink.  But I took it out this morning to spray it out/clean it.  So I have a trash bag by our door.  Ryan had a bunch of paper in his room, and I asked him to throw away the papers he didn't want to save.  So of course he went to throw them away under the sink.  I reminded him there was a bag by the door...and he had already used it earlier.  But then every trip he made with more paper to throw away he went to the kitchen sink.  And it happened like 5 or 6 times, and I had to keep reminding him to go by the door.

He has a DS that I take from him quite often because he gets frustrated and screams and yells when he cannot beat a level in the game.  I limit his time on the DS, and I have told him over and over that if he has a problem he cannot scream.  I have tried getting him to put it down and recollect himself, and then play again.  But he cries loudly and throws himself down when I take it from him.  The other thing is...I don't play the game...he is way better at it than me.  So I will try to help him, but there are a lot of times that I am busy and cannot, of I just can't figure the game out.  He gets so frustrated with it that he will yell in peoples faces when they won't help him.  Not an angry type yell, more like a 'But why won't you help me' cry.

He talks NONSTOP.  I used to encourage this, but he interrupts quite a bit, and when he is supposed to be going to bed, he will be in his room talking to his brother that is trying to sleep.  He also talks loudly and gets so excited about things that he talks super fast and then you cannot figure out what he is saying.

Then today...the kids have wall stickers in their rooms...and he knows not to try to peel them off.  And he knows better to write on his walls after a friend of his got in trouble for it.  But today he started peeling paint off of the wall in his room.  And he got a HUGE section before we caught him.  Like a 2 feet by 3 feet section.  And he knew it was a bad thing to do, but tried to say he could't remember doing it when it had JUST happened.  It was quick that he did it too, because I had been in his room not long before that.

I honestly do not know what to do.  These are just a few occurences.  Sometimes the way he acts causes DH and I to get frustrated with each other, because we don't know what else to do, or how else to vent.  We have tried taking things from him, toys, games, the tv.  We have tried putting him in the corner.  I feel as though he is always punished.  And what is really rough is he has a 3 year old brother that is the exact opposite of Ryan...and I don't want Ryan to feel like his brother is treated better because he doesn't get punished.  We have a new baby as well, but I don't think he is jealous or anything...he loves to talk to her.  And this started way before she was born.  I didn't put Ryan in school this year because he had just turned 5, and I wanted to hold off so he is not the youngest in his class, but now I am thinking maybe I should have.  He is a very smart child.  And he doesn't get aggresive or anything.  I just don't know what to do, or if these are normal things.  I cry every night thinking about the things he did that day, or how I had to punish him....and I hate feeling like that.
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Avatar universal
I have seen this many, many times. I've been teaching for 23 years and it doesn't fail. As soon as the parents have the baby, siblings between 3 to 7yrs old start acting up. It's jealousy and  a huge fear. They are jealous because they don't get as much attention as they use to. They're afraid of loosing mom. Mom is not going to love me anymore. Mom is going to take my things away and give them to the baby. They become very insecured. Eventually, they grow out of it. BUT, if it's causing you that much suffering, you should get help for both of you because he needs you and you're not at your best to help him. What about his dad, is he helping you with any of this?
Couple of things I can think of: pull out his baby book, show him his pictures and talk to him about what's going on in those pictures, tell him how much you loved him then and how much you love him now, tell him how much he needed you because he was a baby but now he's a big boy and can do a lot of things by himself, remind him that there are other things he can do with you now that the baby can't do. the other thing is to do some activities together (all the kids with you) and then when the baby is taking a nap do something with him (just the 2 of you). The whole idea is that he feels that he is important, that you love him and he's not loosing you, he feels acknowledged. I hope this helps you, God bless
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Avatar universal
Goodness you are having a trial. At 5 anything is normal.  But at 5 he should have some self control.  Being destructive may not be as normal for 5. I think I would make an appointment with his doctor and explain his behavior befor asking for a refferal.  Peditricians are well versed on normal/unusual he may be able to refer you to a therapist first.  If you feel he needs help and you are crying at night you do need help, asap.  What happens that day happens and your day is finished there are no do overs you did the best you could.  Tomorow is a new day.  Try not to carry over yesterday in the new day.  A new day is a new day and you will do your very best on that day becuase that is who  your are.  Good luck
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973741 tn?1342342773
Honestly, this sound pretty normal to me.  Kids his age do have impulse control, tend to forget things (like mom just moved the trash can when it's always somewhere else) and handle emotions poorly at times such as frustration.  

An issue such as a developmental delay (of which there are different ones----ADD, ADHD, sensory integration disorder, etc.) don't usually just appear.  They have long histories.  Maybe I'm missing something and forgive me if I am, but I didn't read anything that sounded like a delay. (I have a delayed child).

Do you do fun things with Ryan?  Do you ever take him outdoors to the park to just run off steam.  I know you have a 3 year old and a baby, but this would be good for the whole family.  I'd really limit DS time---- as this sometimes takes away from other more physical things that are better for kids.  He and your other children will most likely be calmer and better behaved if they've had lots of this kind of play---- running, jumping, skipping, swinging, climbing or swimming.  

My boys are 15 months apart.  They are pretty much buddies (one is 5, the other is 4)---  but I have to make sure that I treat both to special treatment at times.  Your son may be a little jealous ---- not in the cruel way we usually think of as he loves his younger siblings.  But in the longing kind of way (I wish I were a baby!!!)  My 5 year old said to me recently after a neighborhood party in kind of a whimsical voice---"everybody loves the little guy."  He was referring to his little brother that got lots of attention from the big girls at the party that dote on him.  My older son said he wished they treated him that way.  So, he is probably dealing with a little more feeling on the subject than you think.  

I would do your best to catch him doing things right and praise him lots.  He'll do more things to earn it as most kids like this attention.  Good luck.  I think it is hard work being 5!
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