Can you give us a little more information? How old is your child and what is the discipline for?
This is such a tricky situation. I had a child who from the time she was three to five or six would throw the worst tantrums. She would literally be out of control, biting, hiting, kicking. I was at a loss to know how to deal with her. If we put her in her room she would come right back out. So we did lock her door until she calmed down. I would hear her throwing things, etc. and would cringe but didn't know what else to do with her. I would stand outside her door until I heard her calm down and then go in and sit on her bed and talk with her. She is the only one of my children that threw these horrible fits. We had tried everything, time outs, talking to her, etc. She would just be so out of control that nothing worked. She was my most challanging child! Very stubborn and strong willed. Fortunately, she outgrew the tantrums but she still has a temper. I'm not sure if I'd do the same today. I've learned a lot since then. We did try the reward charts with her and she liked that. So, that can be something you can try. Do a reward chart with stickers for chores and behaving. I don't know if any of this helps or not!
Let us know what exactly is going on so we can know what kind of advice to give, ok?
Yes please provide more information.
I have a 6 year old step son and an almost 1 year old daughter. To me, locking a child in there room now a days does no good. Most children have toys, T.V.'s, play station type game units along with computers. So putting them in their room isn't really much of a punishment in my eyes. Through baby sitting when I was younger and working in day cares, what I seemed to notice that worked well for parents was three things, depending on age. First, having them stand in a corner with nose to wall. One of the little guys I watched won't even show me what his punishment was. Second, having them sit on a stair away from everything. Third, having a kind of time out chair in a corner away from everything as well. Along with doing one of these things, set the timer on microwave or something 1 min per year of age and tell them they can't move or say anything until timer goes off. If they do you will add more time, like 10 seconds or so. When my borther and I missd behaved we had to hold hands on couch, not saying anything and wait for timer to go off. My husband has made his son go stand in corner with nose up against wall, he hates it. Now he just has to count to three and he stops what ever he is doing, when he decides to discipline him.
js, it would be helpful if you provide more information. Why are you asking this question? In general, I'd say that locking a child in his room for discipline reasons, as you put it is an ineffective way to deal with a child's problem behavior. Spanking and physical punishement is also an ineffective way to deal with a child's problem behavior.
Parents need to have rules in place for children. Children need to know what these rules are. There needs to be consequences for breaking the rules. For children prior to the teenage years, time-outs are of the most effective way to magage a childs behavior. There must be consistent consequences when a rule is broken. Consistency is the key. Place the child in a boring place like a utility room/bathroom. Get a portable timer. Place him/her in time out 1 minute for every year old he is. If he is 4 then time out should be for 4 minutes. Consistency, consistency... You will be delighted in the improvements in your child's behavior if you are consistently handing out negative consequences for breaking the rules you set up.
Kids need to have parents who are in charge. This help kids feel safe and love. It allows kids to develop a sense of right and wrong, control over impulses and to develop emotional maturity.
You should never lock a child in their room. You never know what they're doing that could hurt them and all it really does is give mom/dad a time out. It's ok to admit that you need help with some behaviors. It gets very overwhelming sometimes. But to me, and I don't mean to offend anyone but I don't know how else to say it, it is a abusive-emotionally.
I agree with tmv - bad to lock the door ever. To take it a step further: I do not even believe in time-outs but rather the time-in method. At least it works for my son and me. Instead of pushing him away in moments of emotional turmoil, I get close to him, put an arm around him. That is my signal to him that we have to talk. He calms down and both of us get our message across. That way I give him a chance to explain the situation just as I explain the rules or offer help. Of course time-outs help a child to calm down as well just by being removed from the upsetting situation but it does not easily open the doors for communication. It rather sends a signal that emotions should be bottled up and an accepted child is only one that keeps his emotions under control. There is no such thing that children actually think about their behavior when in time-out. They just wonder about the time span and when the day will come that they are in charge. Maybe I am wrong but I chose a different path.
If I had to do it over again, I probably wouldn't try that method (I think we learn and grow with our kids! My husband and I joke that by the time we get good at this parenting thing, our kids will be grown and out of the house!) This was ten years ago and I think I've learned a lot since then. I've even taken early childhood development classes.
I hope no one thinks I was abusive to my daughter for trying this method sometimes. I never hit her or yelled, cursed, etc. I just honestly didn't know what to do when she'd be out of control. My oldest son never acted like that so we were at a loss on how to deal with her. One time when she was four and was acting up when I dropped her off at pre-school, I warned her that I'd take her home if she continued. I finally had to carry her out kicking and screaming to the car. She broke away from me and ran down the street. I finally got her in the car and was tryng to drive home. She was kicking the back of my seat and then managed to lean forward (in her car seat) and yank on my hair. I remember I started crying which shocked her into being quiet. She didn't know what to think. I was just at the end of my rope, I think. She was and still is a very strong-willed child.
But for the person who said this is just an excuse for the parents to take a time out, well maybe it partly is. I wouldn't go off and have some tea or whatever though. I would stand outside her door until I heard her calm down. I had tried the holding technique, etc. She would fight me and hit me. Sometimes she'd run out of the house. There was no reasoning with her when she'd get out of control like this. And what would set her off? You name it. She had a temper and she still does, but she's a teenager now and has learned better self-control. I love my kids with all my heart. Would I do some things different today? Sure, but don't we all look back and think that? Let's try to be careful before judging someone else when they are doing the best that they know how. I know I'm not the perfect parent (who is?) but I know that I love my kids and try and do the best that I know how. I also know I tend to be to open and honest on these forums sometimes, I guess to relate to the poster, but I know that opens me up to being judged. I know I shouldn't take things personally (especially since this particular situation was a form of discipline that I tried ten years ago) but I do tend to be overly sensitive when it comes to my kids. I will try to not take offense when I'm sure none was intended. I think we all should remember to walk a mile in someone else's shoes though before judging them.
Sorry, I'm probably being oversensitive. We all make mistakes and we all learn from them (hopefully). That's what I like about this forum. We can learn from each other, give & take advice, tips, etc. I think we're all parents who care about our kids and want what's best for them, right? That's all that really matters. God bless.
I have a similar issue with my son, I have had a hard time with his temper. I have on rare occasion put him in his room when he is getting violent, but not until I have tried everything else. I put him in his room and lay him down and ask him to stay here and when you are ready to talk I will be waiting with a hug and a kiss. The only reason I have locked his door is because he has gone after his sister during one of these fits, and I dont know what else to do with him. I am at wits end during these time, and I have tried every other safe method of discipline, all the way down to reward charts, taking toys, timeout, holding him and rocking him, talking to him, letting him throw the fit where he is currently at, and a few other things. I dont spank my child ever. He normally kicks the door violently, and refuses to let me in the room until he calms down. Once he is calm after about a few minutes he knocks on the door, and tells me he is sorry and wants to talk. So I let him out and we sit right there and hug and talk, and try to figure out why he feels the way that he feels. I dont know what else to do either, and I really hope that I am doing the right thing. I am currently caring for both children alone and am lost. Any tips from anyone?
Wish I knew how old he is - but this does seem to be working for you. Its just very stressful for you. What you might try - depending on his age - is to do the timeout in a chair where he can see you. Tell him if he doesn't stay in the chair, then its back to the old bedroom. Make the time out fairly short.
A great book which gives a lot of good timeout techniques is
"SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark
Hope this helps
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