Mr 6yr old son drew a VERY disturbing picture!

[AmyV2012]

I have a 6 year old little boy. My ex husband and I are seperated and he visits his dad on every other weekend. His father called me and said that our son drew and picture of himself and I . The picture said mom and dad and above us it it said shooting at with an arrow pointed to me. It also had a little drawing of a gun. I asked him why he would draw that. I asked him if he was mad at something I did or sad and he said he was mad that I yell at him. Since my son cant spell I asked him how he spelled out the words and he told me his father told him how to spell it. I am a loss and feel this is very disturbing. Is it normal behavior for a 6yr old to draw a picture shooting his mom because hes mad at me?

[AmyV2012]

I just got the books today. Will try those. I really appreciate all your advice. Nice to have an outsiders perspective. Have a great night!

[Sandman2]

  You are welcome!!  Just don't expect overnight miracles.  Remember to practice or refer back to what you have read to him.   And definitely read the books more than once to him.   Hopefully you (or someone) is able to read to him every night anyway (its super important).  
    And remember at this age, you can really only control the here and now.  Not a heck of a lot that you can do when he is not with you.  Later on he will be able to put two and two together and see what is going on.  So make the most out of his time with you.  Best wishes.

[AmyV2012]

Thank you! I really appreciate your input. Im trying to let it go and not read too much into it. I purchased those books you suggested so Im hoping that will be a positive step forward. Thanks again..Have a great day!

[Sandman2]

   As you said, "My son's excuse was because he was mad at me for yelling at him."   and yes, he may have gotten some help in the drawing or spelling, but its not that unusual for a 6 year old boy.  Usually a parent would never see the drawing, but you ex just had to bring it up.  Which is maybe most of the problem.  
   I would really concentrate on your son and the future.  Teach him how to communicate.  Don't waste your time yelling (it doesn't work).  Go to short time outs. Be very consistent and immediate with them.  Just remember that 6 year old boys almost always act without thinking and that can get them into a lot of trouble.  So also give him some slack.

[AmyV2012]

I think i might. Thank you again for all your advise and suggestions! Have a good day!

[margypops]

I dont think it is , and it does sound he has been egged on..but if you are concerned I would run it by the doctor and get his feedback ..

[AmyV2012]

Yeah im in a tough situation. I have shared this with my family and there isnt one person who has seen my son ever act mean or show any type of anger. Shocked me. My son's excuse was because he was mad at me for yelling at him. Whats you feeling? Done you feel its very serious?

[margypops]

I do see your dilemma, did your son mention why he drew it , what prompted him to ? His Dad really shouldnt say stuff like that it is demeaning, their Dad is trying to curry favor I think..Its a tough issue my dd had similar, still does with her kids when they visit their dad only they have to contend with a step mom .

[AmyV2012]

I really monitor what my kids watch, but you know how tv shows can be these days. Im not sure if he has negative feeling towards me because of the negative things his father tells him. My son comes home and says why does my dad have to pay you to have me. Another time he came home and said my dad is broke because you take all his money. This situation is very difficult because his father is bi-polar, very defensive and speaks very negative about me. Im just concerned that this may be a deeper issue. drawing a pic shooting your mom is very serious. I dont think he understands just how serious it is. It seems as if his dad helped him do it which is very disturbing. My son said his dad helped him spell it and thats it but I have a feeling his dad was more involved. My son would always stick up for his father and I understand that.

[margypops]

thats great you are curbing the yelling..I  agree with you that something seems to be concerning in his behavior, my first thought is what does he watch on TV and the computer...Have you spoken to his Dad to ask any details and why his dad wouldnt query what it was about.I think you need more answers from his dad...

[AmyV2012]

I agree. I am going to try to improve on yelling. I think that is upsetting and something I need to stop but Im not sure yelling at him would make a 6yr old want to kill you. Do you think he drew a picture with a gun to my head because he was mad about me yelling at him? or a deeper issue? I think many children get upset when they get yelled at or in trouble but im not sure drawing a picture of a gun pointed at their mother is a normal response.Thank you for your input and advise. I appreciate it! :o)

[margypops]

Perhaps correct the yelling he mentioned , it can be very upsetting for parents to yell at their children consistantly .He was telling you something .

[AmyV2012]

Thank you so much for your advise. I will definitely look into purchasing those books. I really appreciate your help. My son knows how to write mom and dad, the thing that bothered me was that his dad told him how to spell shooting. I would think if my son asked me to spell that word it would raise a red flag and I would want to know what he was writting. I told me ex that there is no way he did that alone because he cant spell and it got very defensive and said are you trying to imply I had something to do with it? I said not at all I am just wondering if there were other children around that could have helped him. He denied it until my son told me it was his dad who told him how to spell it. my son is very loving and has never shown any type of anger. Im blown away by this. I just want some opoinions on what people think. Should I be concerned?

[Sandman2]

    6 year old boys can draw a lot of violent pictures.   Usually its tanks and jet planes shooting at things, but whatever.  Couple of things going on.  One is that dad called you to tell you what he drew.  I think that either dad thought it was important enough for you to know that Jr. was mad at you, or well something else is going on.  The fact he got help to spell out mom or dad on the pic is not important.
   What I would do is to buy one of (or several) of the "Way I feel books", like When I feel angry found here - http://www.amazon.com/When-Feel-Angry-Way-Books/dp/0807588970/ref=pd_sim_b_5 .  
    They are aimed at the 4 to 7 year old crowd and meant to be read at night to them.  It gives them ways to deal with anger and more importantly ways to discuss it with you.  And if you scroll down the page, you will find other good books.  What is important is that he finds a way to talk with you.  And drawing pics is not necessarily a bad way to deal with anger.  And its also a good thing to use has a way to start discussions.
   Hope this helps.