My boyfriend's 3 and 1/2 year old refuses to go to sleep without putting up a big fight

[laysiaj]

My boyfriend and his almost 4 year old moved in with me about 4 months ago.  I don't have any children of my own and have never really been around them for long periods of time but I've taken to my new "stepmother" role willingly, asking as many questions about the process as I can.  Most of his behavior issues are being dealt with normally (the whining, the asking about his mom...).  However, there is an issue that doesn't seem to be going away.  Up until about a month ago, the little one would crawl into bed with us, as I guess he wasn't used to sleeping without his daddy.  He has since stopped.  But my question is this...  when I put him to bed, he usually goes without much of a fight.  I'll count for him, read for him, give him a kiss and tell him I'll see him in the morning.  No crying, no whining, no nothing.  On the other hand, when my boyfriend, his dad, puts him to sleep, it's not the same story.  There's a lot of screaming, wailing, and sometimes kicking involved.  The little one does NOT want to go to sleep, and definitely not alone.  He's always begging for his daddy to lay with him.  Sometimes it takes and hour or longer to get him to sleep.  Either my boyfriend has to lay with him or I have to put him to bed (which isn't but 2 or 3 times a week since I work nights).  We've tried to let him cry himself to sleep but he will cry for hours, making himself hoarse.  Is this normal?  How can I help to fix this?  Why is he completely ok with me putting him to bed but out of control when his daddy tries?  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

His pattern of relating to his father is pretty ingrained at this point, and there is a very different emotional connection he has with his father than he has with you. If his father sticks to the routine of insisting that the child go to sleep in his own bed and on his own, the behavior will change. It takes a while to unlearn the patterns that have been reinforced for so long.

[jessiie82]

I think he just might be acting that way with his father because he knows he can get away with that behavior. I can not really give you any advice on how to take care of he problem cause I have a 3 year old daughter who will not fall asleep till midnight or later. But as I said it could possibly because he might feel as though you are the more firm one and his father will let him get away with more and that is why when you put him to bed there is no fight.