My 3 year old....

[gijoe805]

First, her mother and I split just before her first birthday. Since then, I've made as much effort as possible to see her, have her stay for the weekend etc.....

Around 18 months ago, I got involved with another woman. We were together up until very recently, and she has 2 of her own children. We live together, as it's easier on bills and rent if we stay in the same house.

I help my ex-partner look after her kids, I am the best father figure they have in, or around, their lives, as their own fathers either don't care, or moved away to get away from fatherhood.

Well...that's a bit of background story. Now for the problem.

My daughter stays with us every fortnightly weekend from Friday until Tuesday. Just recently it's changed to Monday, so she can attend an art class. Her behaviour as of late has become really bizarre.
She's stopped talking to certain people, and is, quite simply, rude. She's started pulling her hair out, and clamming up. I really don't know what to do.

Worst still, on her mum's facebook page, I'm pretty much being blamed for punishing her for "naughty" behaviour. Today, she was sent to bed. She was rude to everyone, and when I had a talk with her, she hit out at me, for the first time ever. I took her to her bed for a 5 minute timeout, to let her calm down, and when my ex-partner/housemate went to see if she was ok, she was covered in her own hair. She evens offers this hair to whoever she is, like it's a good thing.
Her (uncaracteristic) behaviour contributed to the split with my housemate, as I felt my housemate was being a little impatient with my daughter, considering I'm a father to her children 7 days a week, and one of them is about as naughty as a child can get.

What can I do?

[margypops]

I see in your post a caring Dad who is concerned for the well being of his daughter,it is well catalogued that children who have both parents in their lives , feel happier Divorce and split ups are very tough on children, as for the negativity you get, thats inevitable simply ignore it and carry on caring, do check out any details regarding your daughter lying, she may not do it all the time children sometimes embellish, but I have found they need to be believed ,as there are times when they are being hurt the perpetrator says "no one will believe you' and 'You will be in trouble'It is hard to sort out but the fact you came here to ask shows me you will get to the bottom of it, Ask your daughter more pertinent questions ,like :how does she hurt you : ,when does she hurt you, maybe you will have to play detective. Anyway even if she isnt being hurt she is upset about something. Good luck let us know how you are both doing

[gijoe805]

Thanks for helping with this. I really appreciate it.

I believe them to be lies because recently, I took my daughter on holiday, and her mum told me that she'd been making up lies for attention.
During the holiday, my daughter came to me crying telling me a friend of hers had hurt her, but the friend was miles away.
From that, I guessed she was lying, but still didn't understand why exactly.

I will definitely look into it all. It's difficult with her mother, she seems to just want to blame me. I try really hard, but I don't seem to get anywhere.

Can I also just say that I, honestly, expected a bit of a different response, as I'm fairly used to getting only negative comments about not being with her mother. That was out of my control completely, but I try my best for my little girl. She's my world. Not all fathers are irresponsible :-) I really appreciate the unbiased advice.

[margypops]

PS  3 year olds dont really tell those kind of lies.

[margypops]

Her Aunty hurting her , so you know they are lies, how do you know that? Perhaps you could look into it in case she isnt lying. If it is the 12 year old you mean certainly older children out of jealousy issues have been known to hurt their younger Family members. Check it out and protect your daughter..

[gijoe805]

First, thanks for the reply.

She has got a younger sibling at home. Almost a year old now. Her mother also looks after her own sister, who is around 12.

I asked my daughter about the hair pulling, and all we can get to is that she's angry. No idea why. She gets on well with the other two here, that's not a problem at all.

Generally any questioning about home leads to (what I can only assume are) lies about her auntie hurting her.

[margypops]

I am sorry it is tough when you are doing your best , it sounds like your daughter is upset ,are there any new issues at her other home , new siblings any changes that would affect her, did she get on well with the 2 children of your partner? The hair pulling sounds like frustration at something she feels out of control with in her life, try to figure out what it could be, is she okay at school does she get on with her Teachers and friends,Keep her busy get her involved in physiacl activities and give her plenty of positive attention,have you asked her why she pulls at her hair, also is she is upset by anything or anyone . Good luck let us know how you are both doing.