My 4 year old girl killed a kitten

[paige_Logan]

a few nights ago we found a stray kitten on our porch, we took it in, gave it a bath (it was covered in a smelly liquid) and took it in our libing rom to dry, Paige was so excited, we have an adult cat and she had never seen a kitten, She held it to her chest, gave it lil kisses, told him how cute he was. .. . . . she began playing with him a lil roughly so I quickly let her know to be gentil and that she could kill it, she calmed the play and for 30 min it was fine, then I noticed dhe had the kitten in her hands, she squeezed the cat around the neck/mid section, it gave out a lil yell and then went limp, I ran over, got the cat and ran to the bathroom, it was too late he was dead, I had no idea what to do, she was screaming "give me back my kitty", I had to explain to her she had killed the cat, she was devastated, crying like crazy, but I'm not sure if she killed it on purpose, she just held it and squeezed it hard in her hand, I was thinking maybe the small size of it intreged her and the fact that it fit in one hand. She was expecting to keep the kitten, she really wanted it, so why did she kill it? she mentioned something about the kitties ribs were like hers.... the cat seemed very underfed and she could feel the ribcage through his skin, I thought maybe she was experamenting with the cat feeling it's body and bones and she squeezed too hard. I really have no idea, all I know is she is a vert sweet and loving lil girl, we have an adult cat we adobted a few months ago and a dog since she was 2, never once has she hurt eaither of them, and they have nipped and scratched her many times through the years. . . . so I can't see her wanting to be violent to the kitten, yet she killed it.. . . we burried the kitten that night and had a lil funeral, she painted a headstone for the grave. the next morning she was fine, first thing she asked if she could dig him up to give hm a hug. I explained to her why she couldn't do that and she moved on with her day......... through out the day I asked her a few questions about it, "what happened?" she said I squeezed the kitty, "Why", she said IDK, "We're you mad at the Kitty?" she said no, then a while later she said the sun was mad at the kitty, "Why was the sun mad at the Kitty?" because the Kitty was mad at the Sun. I have no idea what she was talking about, after a while of answers of IDK.. .. .  and because. . .. she tells me "MOM, stop talking about this." I asked why and she said "talk about it later" and so I ended it at that, I want to ask her so much and see what she was thinking when it all happened, I just don't want to go too far and mess her up about it more than she already is, part of me thinks she is avoiding answering because she intended to kill it  and dosn't want to get in trouble and the other believes she never ment to kill it and the guilt of the "accident" hurts her, please give me a lil advice here, what should I say, I do not want to take her to see someone if it was an accident, I really don't want a stranger asking her questions about it. but if it was intentional I will get her help.

[Andrewdavid1]

Dear Paige,

From her Behaviour I can 'Gather' one thing, she CLEARLY DID NOT MEAN to kill the Kitten! Why else would she want it back and Cry, yes cry, over it's loss. I was rather 'Heavy Handed', with our cat, when I was younger. I clearly remember, my Dad, explaining, to me, why I should be More Gentle with her.

Please don't let 'People' say/ tell you that your child is a Psychopath- or anything similar- she is a young child. If she needs anything it's guidance, re-assurance (perhaps plenty of that) and maybe an 'easier' animal to care for. ( a fish, for example) I think what your Daughter probably DOES need is a hug, a cuddle, and some tender Motherly love.

I am sending, you both, my Best Wishes.

AndrewT

[PitbullLover]

I don’t mean to be rude or nasty, but please don’t ever get a kitten until your daughter is old Enough to understand how to take care of a little animal that can easily be crushed. And if she did it on purpose, then she needs child therapy immediately. And if you don’t know if she did it by accident or on purpose, I would have her evaluated.

[Bootzie831]

Paige,
Please don't listen to the people on here who have said your daughter is a sociopath!
I could understand if she has hurt your other animals and this was an on going thing but,this was the first time , of course hopefully the only time it's happened.
Also, you said this was a stray kitten,who was malnurished and covered in foul smelling liquid. Did the kitten end up injesting any of this liquid before you rescued it? It could have had previous internal injuries that you didn't know about upon rescuing it.
I am in no way trying to make excuses, just bring up other issues the kiten may have had and that combined with being handled a little too roughly could've caused it's death.
No one knows your daughter better than you! And as the poster Suppermomma commented, talk to your daughter, take control of the conversation and just explain that you know she may not want to talk about it, but it's important that momma knows what happened. Now, would be a very good time to also explain death and why it's so important to be kind and gentle with things. Of course I would make sure you always monitor her behavior around pets and if she shows any signs of causing intentional harm, then of course I would seek professional treatment.
Also, just because someone may have years of experience working with children doesnt mean your daughter is a psyosiopath!! As I said you know your daughter best and I really think this was a combination of a malnurished/sick kitten and an over excited 4 yr old who didn't fully comprehend her own strength and how truly gentle she needed to be!I wish you and your daughter all the best and truly hope and pray that this was just a sad unfortunate accident that turned into a learning experience for both of you. Best of luck to you and your daughter!!

[Bootzie831]

I just now saw this was 2009!!

[Mamaweasel88]

I agree with you bootzie831, these people are idiots! Your child is definitely not a sociopath, my daughter  was very rough with our kittens, I also had the mommy kitty and a small chihuahua for a long time before the baby kittens came and she had never bothered them, but children DON NOT UNDERSTAND how strong they are, death, and that its not ok to put kittens in a blanket and squeeze etc. they still have to learn about these things! Your child is just a normal little girl! I truly don't thinkshe did it on purpose.

[Shane217]

I have spent 15 years working with children your daughters age. Mostly I've worked with children who had behavioral problems. I recognize this behavior immediately and I'm asking you to Please do not let this people on here tell you that it was a accident! If you do, she will go on and hurt other animals until one day she will harm a person. Your daughter is most likely a sociopath and needs to be fealty with immediately. I'm truly sorry since I can only imagine how terribly hard this can be to hear. Nonetheless I'm begging you please take this child and get professional help. If left ignored innocent animals and people will get hurt or worse. God Bless you and your family.

[QueenCeline]

Accidents happen...

[harrdkandy]

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but, you will continue to have problems with your child. It is not your fault. Everything you have described is sociopathy. There is no cure. Keep a close eye. Her response to you drilling her about it will be to hide future acts. You will eventually see repeated behavior patterns and realize this is true. It is a very brutal diagnoses and will be very hard to accept. I am very sorry and I wish you the best of luck.

[runninginrain]

I believe a four year old treats a kitten like a stuffed animal. I do not believe they fully  understand the consequences of their actions. It is up to mom to show the child how to appropriately interact with the kitten and have the four year old  demonstrate that she is capable before being a left alone with the kitten. I do, however, applaud your effort to care for the kitty. I also think you are wise in your persistence to discover the truth  about what happened.  Your persistence will just show your daughter how important the life of the kitty was to you. Therefore, it will become important to her!

[notamedicalprofessional]

It may have just been an accident. My mom always tells me when I was a kid I used to "squeeze all the cats until their eyes would pop out" because I loved them so much and even as an adult I have a hard time not squeezing cute animals. Like other answers are saying, kids don't know their own strength and they don't have a full understanding of how fragile animals, especially kittens, are.  They also don't really have an understanding of death, so she probably didn't even know what was happening.There's a book called "Tails Are Not For Pulling" that talks about being gentle to animals that I always recommend to parents who have problems with their preschool-aged children being rough with pets. Children at this age also have a hard time explaining emotions. Ask her if she wanted to hurt the kitty, if she says yes then there you go, if she says no then ask her if she squeezed the kitty because she loved it? It's always a good idea to supervise children around animals, not just for the animal's safety  but the child's. Even if you've had them for a long time and trust them, animals can be unpredictable sometimes. If you notice a continuing pattern of her hurting animals I'd see a child psychologist but if she's usually gentle then I don't think this was a violence thing, probably just an accident

[Jollee]

She is really to young to be left alone with a baby kitten she should be supervised at all times with a baby kitten, she does not possess the skills to understand fragility at this age. But do sit with her with a Kitty, dont let her take charge with the animal, you hold the animal and discuss how fragile this kitty is and how careful one must be when handling this type of baby... Maybe tell her when she was just born, you had to handle her very carefully so that she would not be hurt or worse. advise her that you had to take great care not to squeeze her too hard and hold her head up so that she was not injured, Discussions such as this will be helpful with her learning process. chalk this one up as experience but never leave a child her age in control of an animal and never let the child run the show, this is your job...

[Katjojo]

I'm sure it was an accident. Is this tour first child? Because really they can love so much just as they do you. They give that pet a big squeeze. They have no idea of their strength. Always have to watch young children with young pets. I'm sure you have sewn your daughter squeeze her stuffed animals. Please don't make a big issue out of it. Still get pets. Just be careful. Do not make an issue out of it. Peace

[Katjojo]

Oops too many mistakes...lol but u get the drift

[Teacher321]

Just a reminder she is only 4 years old the concept of death would be very foreign to her. If she did not cry after find out what she did right after that it is dead that would be a concern. If she made up a story about the sun and the kitten it sound more like she is trying to help you more then herself. Meaning are you pushing too much?
Whenever the class bunny came out of it's cages the  teachers are not aloud to leave it alone with a child. It is way too easy of a child to accidentally kill it. Child that young don't know their own strength. This horror story happen in more day cares that people are will to admight.
If you child is not hurting other animals, other people or herself. It might have just been a accident. It would be wise to keep an eye out but from what I am understanding is sounds like she did not mean to and she does not understand that animal can't be held in certain ways. And she is 4 be glad she doing so will after that. If she has questions she will come to you. She sounds recelenton she pulled though when she should have meaning the next day. She still might not understand why the kitten is not coming back but that will take time and lots of you understand. This is a lot of a 4 year old to dell with don't add on by pointing out somethings she might meant to do. If you want the are shelters that are willing to show people how to care for an animal.

[SydCali]

Is there anyone else in the household that may oppose adopting the killed kitten?

[SydCali]

Is there anyone else in the household that may oppose adopting the killed kitten?

[supermomma531]

I would sit her down and not let her have the control of the conversation. You need to take control and tell her that she needs to sit down and talk to you about it in full conversation and tell you why she killed this kitty. Once she has done this, then you can deal with the situation accordingly. If you let her keep avoiding the situation, she'll do this forever. Tell her that she has to talk now so that you and her can put the whole thing behind and not have to talk about it again. She has to face the situation now, not later. If she keeps putting this off, she could start having nightmares. Are you sure that she's not avoiding the situation out of guilt? Some people will do that in hopes that it will just go away. If things do go too far, then I would suggest taking her to a professional but I think this could be handled at home. Good luck.