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Avatar universal

My 4 year old son and 6 year old daughter like to play booty please help

Last march we moved to a new town and we moved into an apartment building with many other children. There is a playground out back and we let the kids go out and play with all of the other kids all last summer. We would let them go play outside by themselves if there was a lot of kids outside and we would check on them every 15 - 20
Mins and we had our windows open so that we could hear them. But one day one of the other kids came knocking on our door to tell us that our then 3 year old boy and our 5 year old daughter were playing booty with one of the older girls that lives in one of the other apartment buildings. So we made the kids come in and we talked to them calmly to try and understand what the game "booty" really was. My daughter told me that they wanted them to take their pants off and sit on each other. So I tried to understand who asked them to do this and tried to explain to them that it wasn't okay and that no one was allowed to ask them to take their pants off and that no one should ever see their undies let alone their privates other than their doctor and mommy and daddy when we need to. We didn't let them play outside with the exception of our porch for like a month. I was too afraid to let them go play again. But as the month went on I think I was in denial and kept telling myself that I was over reacting and that it was just kids being curious. So I let them go play again and I went out and watched them everyday for the first few weeks and then I felt like I could trust them so I stared letting them go out by themselves again and checked on them more often. But then I caught my daughter playing it again. So I made them come in and I talked to her again and I tried to make her understand how bad it was for anyone to ask her to take her pants off and that it wasn't ok and that I was trying to keep her safe. They didn't play out at that park again the rest of the summer
We made them stay right outside our apartment. We hadn't had anymore issues until today. I was cooking dinner and the kids (who share a room) were in their room playing when my son comes out and says momma we ain't playing nothing and then goes back to their room. This made me very curious as to what they were doing. So I quietly walked down the hallway when I heard my daughter say "stop she is coming". I walk in and my son it holding his pants and you can tell he just pulled them up because the elastic on his pants were all twisted and his undies were showing in the front where he was holding it. I ask them what they were doing and they said "nothing". So I sat down on my sons bed and asked them again and told them not to lie to me this time. My daughter then confessed that they were playing booty. So I asked her what the game was and how you play and she explained that her brother would pull down his pants and undies and expose himself to his sister and then ask her to pull her pants down. She said that she didn't want to and that she would show him her bottom. So I then talked to them separately my son first. I asked him why he likes to play the game and he said that he doesn't know and that his sister sometimes asks him to play and that she shows him her bottom. I explained this this wasn't good behavior and that they could get in a lot of trouble for this kind of behavior from police and other authorities if it continues. I then talked to his sister and asked why they play and how it got started. She said it started when they were playing house and her brother was pretending to go potty and then got the idea to show themselves to each other. And she said
That she knows that they aren't supposed to play it but that her brother got her to start liking it. I then also explained to her
How the behavior wasn't good and that she could also get into a lot of trouble and that her privates are hers to keep private and that no one should ask her to take off her pants and she shouldn't ever ask anyone else to either. I think for today they understand that it's not okay and they won't do it anymore. But I am not convinced that it won't happen again. What do I do? I can't keep them apart they share a room
And I feel like I can't let them go outside to play because I don't know what they will be exposed to and I can't sit outside with them all the time. I am at my wits end and I don't know how to handle this.
7 Responses
Avatar universal
You were not overreacting. Given the same circumstances, I would've freaked out too. I think that no parent is ready to talk about sex with their children at such an early age. However consider yourself blessed that you were made aware of their behaviour at an early stage. Here is my opinion:

1. Look up "booty game " in urban dictionary.
2. Find out how and from whom have your kids learned the expression and keep them away from these kids. It is hard for me to believe that the "game" was invented by your little boy. He must have seen it somewhere, TV/media,  other kids or adults.  So you might need to do some more serious digging. When did the behaviour started? Before you moved? After you moved?
3. Find out what they really know about sex, porn, etc so you know how much in the details you can go. Make them talk without putting words in their mouths. I would talk with your  6 y.o. first separate from your 4 y.o.Ask them why are they in such a hurry to grow up?
4. Maybe you can tell them that if they love each other they should not only respect their sexual differences but protect one another from inappropriate touching. Private parts are private parts. If they are curious and have questions they should come to you, right? Where else could they go? Maybe you can explain them about incest and what is bad about it. I'm only giving you some options here. As I said before, first you need to find out how much they know, who started it, why, when, where, etc.
5. Don't let your kids out of your sight. Make an effort to go out with them; if you cannot go, tell them that you are busy and they cannot be outside without adult supervision for they are too young. (I would never let my kids out of my sight at that age. Nothing is more important than my kids, so they never had unsupervised play time). I know,  we didn't grow up with constant adult supervision but pornography started to become a plague of our society maybe in 1980s and it is now that the effects of it are surfacing. Besides, everyone with access to a computer has practically unlimited access to pornography anytime, anywhere regardless of age.
6. Be the parent. If your kids try to be rebellious make them switch places with you for a day; see how that pans out for them! LOL.(you get to sit on the chair and watch TV for few hours - watch something they are not interested in and dont forget to ask to be waited on hand and foot  every 5 min or so).  It worked with my kids.LOL (they only lasted as "parents" for 1 hour or so until they got hungry).   You can explain that adulthood comes with lots of responsibilities and that they are too young and inexperienced to trouble their minds with. Help them understand that they are kids and they should let nobody take their innocence away from them.
7. Last but not least, educate yourself about sex and porn. Here are some videos for you to help educate yourself in order to help your children.



Good bless you!

PS: the genital organs are called "private parts" because they are private. No touchy!

PPS: if nothing you do works, try to seek professional help before they take the "game" to a different level.
961574 tn?1520648103
Ok, they ate 4 and 6.  Innocent ages.   I have boy girl twins that are 4 1/2, and they talk about butts and private parts all the time (I tell them it is inappropriate).  They are noticing that they are "different" and I often have to tell them that their private parts are their private part.  I just don't think they get it...you know?  
I do not think they are doing anything "wrong."They know you don't like it, hence that trying to keep it secret.  They have no concept of what these parts are used for, and why its so taboo...I think we walk a thin line in what we tell our children and what we over react to.  
Hang in there!   I do not think you have crisis on your hands.  I often ask my kids if they see mommy and daddy looking at or touching each others "parts", and when they answer "no", I respond "exactlay everyone's pieces and parts are their own."  and leave it at that.   You do not want to scar them for life.
13167 tn?1327194124
I completely agree with mhv.  This used to be called "playing doctor".  All kids did it.  It didn't used to be a police issue,  it used to be a parental supervision issue.  If the house has gone quiet for 10 minutes,  go find the kids and get them to play some kind of game or playdough so they won't be pulling each other's pants down.  As a society we've gone a bit nuts about children's natural curiosity.  

On the other hand,  there are more kids than ever exposed to molestation by adults because nuclear families aren't as prevalent.  Boyfriends come and go in children's homes,  and so children are more exposed than ever to molestation by adults who live in the home.  
Avatar universal
First of all, I would like to know where you live. I wouldn't let my grandkids play outside at that age without supervision. It only take a second for some child predator to snatch them. Better to be safe than sorry
Avatar universal
Hi, so I'm a preschool teacher as well as I have a Psychology degree in child behavior. Kids will be kids and they get curious! Doesn't mean they are inappropriate or being "bad", they are just exploring their differences:). With that being said it's time to let them know, sort of, about the birds and the bees. You can tell them that only mommies and daddies (or only adults) play those kind of games because when you're an adult and find someone you love then you can show them your "booty". If you want to get a little more detailed with your 6 year old, tell her that playing the "booty" game is also how mommies and daddies have babies and she shouldn't play it with anyone until she's ready to be a mommy.  Also explain (which I think you have) that brothers and sisters don't play games like that with each other and it's a no no to play that game with anyone else. Talk about your son having a penis and your daughter a vagina, explain how you have what sissy has and daddy has what brother has and you both have to keep your private parts private to other people (even them) except for each other because you fell in love and got married. Kids will understand almost anything if you say the word "married" lol. There's also a book called Some Parts are not for Sharing. Hope this helps! Here's the link to this book.

Avatar universal
It could be completely innocent because they are of the age where curiosity about private parts is a natural occurrence, however the part where it didn't start until they were playing at this new place, and the fact that its played by "sitting on one another" is very concerning. the sitting is not part of the usual natural curiosity and seems sexual in nature rather than biological. I would attempt to find out from the children which child they were playing with taught them this game, and then talk to the parents, hoping for some insight, but in the mean time, I would take them to a professional for a couple sessions to find out what happened and to learn some rules around private parts and what to do instead when they feel like playing this game. good luck to you, I hope all turns out ok.
I completely agree with everything angieDem said with the exception of talking to the child's parents. Consult with a mental health professional that works with young children. He or she may offer some guidance or may want to speak with your children individually. They are trained to get more information from children in a calm, non-reactive manner without asking leading questions. The professional will decide whether the other child's behavior is inappropriate to the degree that warrants a call to Child Protective Services.

Avatar universal
Your children are way to young to be outside unsupervised for even a second.
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