My 5 1/2 year old son has been pooping in his pants for almost 2 years and now I am desperate

[iowamomof4]

Hi all this is a GREAT website!
I have a 5 1/2 year old son who is adopted.  Yes, he comes from a traumatic background but has adjusted well and we also adopted his two other older siblings.  He has no health problems and is INCREDIBLY smart!  He is in Kindergarten and is a fantastic student!  He started pooping in his underwear 1 1/2 years ago.  In the last 1 1/2 we have tried everything, basic skills training, day treatment, therapy, counceling, play therapy, spankings, time outs, loss of privileges (sp), cleaning out soiled pants by hand, back in diapers, drs appts, losing toys, positive reinforcement, charts, timed toilet breaks and even being on Santa's naughty list!  

UGH!!!!!

I am at a total loss.  It is as if he has encoporesis (sp) but he isnt constipated at all.  He is also not ashamed or embarassed of it either.  He is back in diapers now 100% of the time because I am tired of the gross underwear, poo in the sink and shower and having to bleach everything.  His siblings no longer want to play with him and his brother who shares a room with him wont anymore so we had to put him in the guest room with no toys and told him when he stopped the pooping in his pants he could have him room back with his brother.  Sadly he doesnt seem to mind any of it at all!  He just keeps on pooping, smelling and getting consequences.  He is totally regular and has a very good diet high in fiber and takes fiber supplements as well.  The interesting thing is he only does this at home not at school.  He was warned if it continued this last Christmas Santa wouldn't bring him a toy.  He pooped 2x on Christmas eve and Santa brought him nothing.  He cried but a bit and then went on about his buisness and still pooped in his pants.  I am at a loss with a therapist who is stumped, councelors who are trying all kinds of things and siblings who think he is disgusting and stupid because he just wont stop.  Any thoughts or suggestions??????????

[sandwitchedintn]

Don't let these other comments bully you into thinking you are a bad parent. I am also in your shoes and have custody of an 8 1/2 year old who refuses to wipe himself. He was molested at 3 or 4 years of age by two uncles whom he lived with. He still wets the bed also.
He comes home from school smelling horrible, I have brought this issue up with his teachers but they say they never noticed anything.  He is going to counseling. He has been to behavior therapy at age 5. Medical doctors and specialists have not been able to help him. He just refuses to wipe unless I stand there when he is done going to the bathroom and insist that he wipe.
He also does not care about any consequences lately.
for some reason he seems to enjoy having a diaper put on him.  He will get up in the middle of the night and change his self when he is wet and will wander the house but will not use the bathroom. He has a nightlight and we also leave the living room night on all night which lights up the hall way and the living room.
During the day he uses the bathroom by himself to urinate but refuses to at night.

[margypops]

I agree  this treatment was very harsh and could be at the root of him having problems , he sounds stressed out .. I would suggest you try the opposite way..focus on why he is doing it, too many punishments..Focus on his positive side it maybe you should seek some outside help and counseling .Good luck

[louieforlaughs]

hi there!
oh gosh, i dont want you to think you are being harsh, you are at your wits end! you are trying to make this boys life better by helping him poop in the potty. being a parent isn't easy and you are doing the best you can. you are trying, good for you! some parents dont even try, especially if its not their own kin. so good for you for caring about this boy!
i think the thing that gets me is that you say he isn't bothered by this action. you also say he is smart. this leads me to believe that he is using his feces to control things/you. he doesn't do it at school so, to me, it seems like he is targeting home. sometimes when children experience trauma they use what they have (pooh, pee, vomit and spit) to express themselves. my sister (who is a psych nurse) has mentioned to me previously that poop could be a sign of sexual harassment. as in, he can't control the harassment but he can control his poop and make things yucky down there in response. i'm not saying this is the case but its an idea. could be from his past also, could be you need to look at his surroundings.
he might like being alone. he might want to push you away because he's scared that if he connects with you and then loses you (as he may have in the past) that it will only hurt more.
if i were in your shoes (which i'm not so take this with a grain of salt). i would sit down with him and have a chat. tell him the new schedule/rules and ask him if he has any questions or concerns about it. i would set up potty times (morning, after school or after dinner and before bed) i would set up a sticker system where he can put stickers on the calendar. and then i would explain to him that when he poops his pants, its his poop, his clothes and his responsibility. he's a big boy now, and he's a smart boy. he knows how to clean himself up and to clean up the poop. give him the responsibility of it. and then try it. get him excited about doing it himself. almost step back and let him be in control of it.
a hard thing to do is to let your children attempt things on their own. give him a chance and see where he goes with it.
love him and show him respect. dont let the poop problem get in the way of your relationship with your son, he can sense your concerns and apprehensions, dont let him control you.
its just an idea. best of luck and trust him.

[AnnieBrooke]

I think he has encopresis.  Take him to a pediatric gastroenterologist and get either an ultrasound or an X-ray of his colon and lower intestine.  You might not think he has any impacted fecal material because some is getting through, but he might have quite a load and / or a damaged lower intestine or colon that simply can't signal him that it wants to poop, and has disfunctional contractions.

There is a really excellent article about the topic in Parents magazine from (I think) March 2010 called "When Your Child Just Can't Go," it is well worth trying to track down.  It was written by a doctor and makes several excellent points:  Encopresis causes damage that can take up to a year of stool softeners after a hospital process to remove the impacted fecal material from the bowel.  Many pediatricians don't know much about treating it.  The bowel needs to heal, before it will begin to be functional again.  Once a kid begins to "hold it" out of stress, he can cause the bowel to basically give up and stop sending signals of a need to poop.

I think you're punishing this boy, for whom being treated badly is sort of old hat, for something that is not even his fault or in his control.  No presents for Christmas over a medical disfunction sounds very harsh to me.

Please see a better doctor.