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Avatar universal

My 5 Year Old Suspended

My 5 year old has had behavior problems since 3.  He was suspended a week in pre-school for foul language, hitting, and kicking. After starting kindergarten the behavior began, but with a man teacher and starting him with a private child pshc. we have gotten the behaviors under control until since September.  Now here we are March, and all of a sudden his old behaviors have re-surfaced at school.  He is back to the foul language, kicking, and hitting.  Not only does he do this to the teacher, but to the students as well.  He has been great at home, I just don't understand.  The school sent him twice and today suspended him for tomorrow.  To me this is a reward for him.  Any suggestions?
10 Responses
13167 tn?1327197724
Is his dad in the home with him?  My guess is a father in the home would correct these behaviors -
189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well maybe the Dad could help ...but neither the Dad or you are at school with him.  At that age, its very difficult for kids to carry over home discipline to school.  By 8 or 9 yes, 5 no.
So first thing is to make sure that you don't make home suspension a reward for him.  Basically he nees to get really bored at home.  He sits in his room all day.  Normally, I would say to put him to work, but thats kinda tough with a 5 year old.
  He is 5.    He would be pretty young to be in Kindergarten, when is his birthday?  It  may be that he is too young for kindergarten and the pressure/demands are getting to him. Since you don't see this behavior at home - this would make sense.  You need to talk with his teacher.  Find out if your son seems frustrated.  Have they started some different academic demands that are putting pressure on him.
You need to let his psyc know what is going on.  If he has something like ADHD, it may be that he is no longer able to cope and the pressure is getting to him.  Something is causing the change and it has certainly got nothing to do with his father.  Communication is very important between you, the school, and his psyc.
973741 tn?1342346373
This is probably a dumb question (and the advice above is good) . . . but we are coming out of winter.  Has his physical activity been down?  My son has his hardest days if he is either getting sick, extremely tired, or if he is unable to do physical activity.  Behavior for my son is in direct correlation to these things.  He has sensory integration disorder and physical activity is essential to the nervous system.  Just thought I'd mention that.
Avatar universal
Dad helps a lot being his business is slow.  He had to stay home with him today since he was suspended.  We have taken all video games away, computer games, and toy trains away.  I even brought home his favorite reward treat yesterday saying when he went back to school and made better choices he would earn it.  He told me twice that I could have the treat, he didn't want it.  He also told me that I could give his video games to somebody else.  He definatley doesn't want to be at school anymore.  He is a very young kindergartener.  He is Oct. 11th, but academically on target.  He is the smallest boy in class too.  I keep in very close contact with his teacher.  We started the year out rough, but he has been doing great until last week.  Something is up.  His next counseling appt is March 15th, until then I meet with both teacher and principal tomorrow.  I'm lost.......and my son is winning. If I took him out of school, then he would go back to pre-school and he would be totally bored and have the same behaviors.  I need to have him assessed I guess.
Avatar universal
My son is like your son, I'm seeing teh difficult behaviors at school so much more than at home.  
189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
He is not a very young kindergartner,   he is an extremely young kindergartner!  I am not saying that all of his problems are due to age, but in my experience it certainly is a factor.  Having raw intelligence is one thing, maturation is a whole different ball game.
  I am not sure your son is winning in this case.  But my guess is that whenever you get a fairly sudden behavioral change, something has triggered it.  So do talk with his teacher and see if he can help you figure out what is going on.  It may well be something as simple as another child really got to him and he lost it.  When his teacher showed up, he still couldn't control his emotions.  So you need to find out more about what is going on.  does he do this in class.  during recess, lunch.  only with some kids, all the kids, etc.  All of these are very important questions.  You can't treat the problem till you figure out the cause.  I'm not sure the age factor is the problem here, but it is something that you may have to deal with later on.  
  Don't be afraid to let the principal know that your son is getting counseling.  Do ask if he thinks the school should do some testing.  Do let them know how happy you have been with his teacher this year.
  Let us know how the meeting goes.
Avatar universal
Who is he learning the cuss words from. Im sure not other 5 yrs olders. He is acting out for some reason. Im sure a good professional can get to the bottom of it quickly. My mom and dad had 4 boys in 3 yrs(a set of twins) . And when we acted up ,my dad went ole school on us. We didnt act up much!lol  And we are all good men.
Avatar universal
I don't know if this is available in your school district, but you might ask if they have anyone from the outside that can come in like a behavioral specialist, etc that could come in/observe and make suggestions, etc. Just a thought.  I think too if the child acts drastically different at home versus school then something is up, but then again school is a lot more stressful than at home.  They really push the kids hard these days.  It's not like when we were in kindergarten.  Sometimes I think kids get frustrated or get anxious they don't understand something and then act out and then the teachers are so overloaded and stretched thin too.  It's not easy.
Avatar universal
We met with principal and teacher on Friday. We all decided an asessment is best, but it could be weeks. The teacher is great and has worked really hard with my son.  I knew once they sent him home, this would be a big issue.  I believe this becomes a game that he plays to get home.  He had a great day on Friday, but here we are Monday and he hit his teacher and cussed at him again.  He was sent home today and suspended for tomorrow.  Now my job is in jeopardy because I have to take off for this.  I was able to get him for a counseling appointment this evening. His teacher even asked maybe if he could come to one of his counseling appointment.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I brought him home so angry and feeling helpless.  I feel like there is something wrong with my son.  I have two teenage girls too, 14 and 16.  The cussing maybe comes from them or their friends.  My husband and I were saved 4 years ago. Our family attends a good church. My husband and I don't use foul language. If something slips out, believe me it isn't in front of my son.  I pray for this to get better. He was doing so good for so long.
189897 tn?1441130118
COMMUNITY LEADER
   Hopefully, the counseling will help.  You also need to get some more information from his teacher about what set him off.  There are things you can do at home to role play the correct (or better way) to respond to certain situations.  If you practice these at home again, and again, and again it will carry over to school.  But you have to know what is setting him off.
  I would make another appointment with his teacher to get some more info.  Tell the teacher why so the teacher doesn't think you are questioning his methods.  Also try and find out if some of the other students that he has been having a problem with are in his class and (even) sit close to him.  Sometimes other kids are very quick to figure out what sets someone off and will pull their strings.  And, of course, see if your son can remember why he got so angry.  He may or may not be able to remember.  It is also worth trying to develop another way to handle his anger.  Counting to 10, squeezing a soft rubber ball, etc.
  The fact he was doing so good for so long typically indicates something has changed.  You need to figure that out.  Good Luck.
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